Community (TV Series)
Paranormal Parentage (2013)
Donald Glover: Troy Barnes
Photos
Quotes
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Britta Perry : Oh my God, Pierce is dead!
Shirley Bennett : Cornelius killed him!
Troy Barnes : [Immediately after, completely panicked] I BROKE THE REMOTE! Do you think it's expensive? Please, Pierce. Please don't die slightly before your time. This means we're next, and I care about us.
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Troy Barnes : Okay, so maybe I spent a little less time in the library than, say, the walkin cereal closet, but it's definitely near here.
Shirley Bennett : You skipped this door.
Troy Barnes : Pierce told me I don't need to go in there.
Shirley Bennett : Then it's probably the library.
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Troy Barnes : Mr. Hawthorne's panic room, one of the 27 stops on the guided tour I had to memorize before moving into Hawthorne manor.
Annie Edison : Does the house get many visitors?
Troy Barnes : You're the first. Impenetrable titanium carbonate door, hackerproof keycode access panel, and impressive video telecom screen with remote. Maximum occupancy one, with female companion.
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Troy Barnes : We do somethings. We do a lot of things. Not all the things. Things.
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Britta Perry : And that's why we leave the couples' costumes to the couples, she said wisely.
Jeff Winger : You should probably warn your boyfriend's boyfriend.
Britta Perry : Just because we're dating doesn't mean that we have to do everything together.
Jeff Winger : Well, you need to do some things together.
Troy Barnes : We do some things.
[Britta shoots a look at Troy]
Troy Barnes : We do a lot of things.
[Shirley gasps]
Troy Barnes : Not all the things.
[Jeff looks cockeyed at Troy]
Troy Barnes : Things.
[Troy awkwardly extends his arms]
Jeff Winger : Okay...
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Troy Barnes : That was Pierce. He accidentally locked himself in his panic room and he needs our help.
Annie Edison , Britta Perry , Shirley Bennett : Oh!
Jeff Winger : No, "oh!" "Oh" means we are going against our will, and we are not going. He's lying.
Troy Barnes : He seemed pretty upset, and he's been all alone up there in that mansion ever since I moved out, and his dad, you know, got killed by Jeff.
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Troy Barnes : It seems spookier than I remember.
Jeff Winger : Hmm... the only thing spooky about this place is the tacky decor. It's like David Lee Roth threw up Miami Vice.
[spots a painting of Pierce astride a tiger and groans]
Jeff Winger : So tacky.
Annie Edison : I don't know. Maybe Pierce isn't doing so well since he lost his father and then his inheritance in a video game battle with Gilbert, an illegitimate half brother he never knew he had. I guess I've never said it out loud.
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Shirley Bennett : Sodom and Gomorrah.
Troy Barnes : It's Pierce's special gym. He never let me use it, 'cause he thinks I'm a child.
[passes Shirley and enters room]
Shirley Bennett : Hold...
[misses grabbing Troy]
Troy Barnes : He's hiding the indoor swing, and I'm the child.
[gleefully climbs into the swing]
Shirley Bennett : [disapproving look of disgust] Mmm... no. Troy, get out of there.
Troy Barnes : [swinging, so to speak] Why does he have so many collars? Secret dogs!
Shirley Bennett : [leads Troy out of the room] Oh, it's okay. Come on. Oh, no. Forget you saw that, and then forget I knew what it was.
Troy Barnes : Great, you won't tell me, Pierce won't tell me. I have no idea what to Google. I'll never know.
Shirley Bennett : Believe me, dating Britta, you'll know too much too soon soon enough.
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Annie Edison : Jeff was right. I am naive.
Shirley Bennett : Oh, don't listen to him.
Troy Barnes : There's nothing naive about helping a friend in need. Jeff would know that if he wasn't too cool for after-school specials.
