Community (TV Series)

Introduction to Finality (2012)

Joel McHale: Jeff Winger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jeff Winger : Your Honor... I have no closing statement because I'm throwing the case.

  [People gasp] 

  Jeff Winger : No, no, it's okay. It's fine, don't worry. My client, Shirley Bennett, my friend of three years, she told me that it was okay. She said what I want was more important. She's right, right? I mean, guys like me, we'll tell you there's no right or wrong. There's no real truths. And as long as we all believe that, guys like me can never lose. Because the truth is... I'm lying when I say there is no truth. The truth is... the pathetically, stupidly, inconveniently obvious truth is... helping only ourselves is bad and helping each other is good. Now, I just wanted to get out of here, pass biology, and be a lawyer again, instead of helping Shirley. That was bad. And my former colleague wanted so badly to keep his rich client, that he just asked me to roll over in exchange for my old job.

  [All gasp] 

  Jeff Winger : So, I guess we all walked in here pretty bad. But now... Shirley's gone good. Shirley's helping me. It's that easy. You just stop thinking about what's good for you, and start thinking about what's good for someone else. And you can change the whole game with one move. Now, if you like this idea, you can make it true by doing something good for everyone here. Throw this case out of court. It's dumb. That is all.

  Pierce Hawthorne : I withdraw my case!

  [Turns to Alan] 

  Pierce Hawthorne : Why didn't you just do some inspirational speech about friendship? You're fired.

• Alan Connor : Way to go, soft serve. You're finished. By the way, I never got a chance to tell you this, but it was me who turned you in to the state bar.

  Jeff Winger : I know. And I never got a chance to thank you.

  Alan Connor : This place has made you so gay.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Hey! Don't use "gay" as a derogatory term. Boo-yah! Good person.

• Jeff Winger : Hey, uh, while I'm doing this, does anyone know any funny jokes?

  Pierce Hawthorne : I do! An Irish and a Jew walk into a Chinese laundry. With a gay duck...

  [Title Card Three Jokes Later] 

  Pierce Hawthorne : [Everyone is booing and throwing things at Pierce]  All right, okay! Oh, right! So you're telling me they're not good at basketball?

• Britta Perry : Today is Abed's first therapy session.

  Jeff Winger : His what?

  Britta Perry : He's been feeling extra vulnerable lately, having lost Troy to the air conditioning repair school, so he's finally gonna let me practice my psych skills on him. Give me some credit, Winger. What's the worst that could happen?

  Leonard : Classic tee-up.

• Jeff Winger : That's the Winger-guarantee.

• Jeff Winger : Your less than honor, can I call a recess?

  Dean Pelton : Ooh, yay, costume change.

• Jeff Winger : [to Shirley]  Look. You want one piece of free advice? Let Pierce cool down. You know how crazy and paranoid he can get.

  Pierce Hawthorne : [Pops up from behind two cardboards he has dressed up to look like the library background]  A-ha! Crazy? Paranoid? Impotent?

• Jeff Winger : Don't oversell your clout, Alan. You're partner because I sold you to Ted. Ted respects me...

  Alan Connor : Ted's gone. He got too old, couldn't swim with the sharks, and got eaten.

  Jeff Winger : That makes no sense. He started the firm. You can't lose your own firm.

  Alan Connor : You can if you're dead. That shark thing was not a metaphor.

• Jeff Winger : So... cellular mitosis is what?

  Britta Perry : I miss Troy.

  Jeff Winger : Wrong, and stop guessing that.