They Came Together (2014)
Amy Poehler: Molly
Photos
Quotes
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Brenda : Desert's almost ready. Who wants coffee?
Eggbert : I would love a double-cream, no coffee.
Valerie : I'll have a half mocha macchiato.
Teddy : I'll have a caf, half latte caramel venti frappuccino.
Molly , Joel : Boy, whatever happened to just good old regular coffee?
Molly : ...Asshole.
Joel : Cunt.
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Joel : [at dinner party] So, uh, Molly...
Molly : Listen, before you ask me anymore questions from the Icebreaker Handbook, here's the 411: Upper Sweet Side NYC. Does the name ring a bell?
Joel : Yeah. Little candy shop?
Molly : Ding ding ding! Give the man a prize, he's a winner! What does he want Johnny? A new car! Yes, that is my store and I put my whole life into it.
Joel : I had no idea.
Molly : The only line you care about is the bottom line. Are you the kind of person I feel a strong connection to? Yes. Do I find you cute and funny? Yes. Could you be the guy that I fall for and live with forever? Yes, but the point is you're a corporate robot. And so it is with great pleasure that I say to you, go jump in a lake, meathead!
[chucks water in his face and storms off, everyone gasps]
Joel : Molly. Wait, Molly!... Shit.
[awkward silence]
Joel : I'll have what she's having, heh.
Bob : ...You are having what she's having. It's all the same food; the pasta and the beans and the lentils.
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Molly : I don't know Tiffany but she sounds like a stupid bitch.
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Molly : [Frank comes running] Frank?
[turns to Joel]
Molly : Frank, my old boyfriend, remember?
Joel : Right.
Molly : What are you doing here? Where's Mia, the yoga instructor? Thought you two had eloped and gone to Paris.
Frank : She died, so that's over. Marry me, Molly.
Molly : No, Frank, it's too late for that.
Frank : Okay.
[turns around and leaves]
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Molly : Wanda, I really like this guy Joel, but I just don't know if he's the one. I mean, I wish there was some sort of sign that proved it.
Wanda : How about this? When you meet up with him tonight, change the way you look - just a tiny little bit, but if he notices, then, that's how you'll know he's the one.
Molly : [Muses] Change the way I look and see if he notices. Wanda, thank you, you're the best.
Wanda : You are.
[Molly moves forward and pecks Wanda on the lips. Wanda looks horrified]
Wanda : No.
Molly : Just felt like I was getting a vibe.
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Molly : I'll have a low fat, sugar free banana yogurt muffin. But if they don't have that, I'll have half a poppyseed muffin, if they can take out all the poppyseeds and heat it up.
Joel : Okay.
Molly : Hold on! If they can't heat it up, then leave half the poppyseeds in and sprinkle the other half of the poppyseeds onto half of a blueberry muffin, and then cut both halves in half and throw them both away. In either scenario, I want a lemon chocolate loaf but, this is very important, it must be shrinkwrapped, and more importantly it must smell more like lemon than chocolate. Got it?
Joel : That's how you order a muffin?
Molly : What? I want things the way I want them.
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Molly : Umm... forget it.
Joel : What?
Molly : No, I...
Joel : C'mon, tell me.
Molly : Are you hungry?
Joel : Hungry? Try starving.
Molly : Why don't I have you over for dinner? I'll make you my world famous mac and cheese.
Joel : 'K
[smiles and nods]
Molly : I like how you say 'K.
Joel : I like how you say I like how you say 'K.
-
Karen : That is a crazy story!
Joel : Told ya! It's like a corny romantic comedy.
Kyle : It is. It was such a great beginning, why did you guys decide to get a divorce?
Joel : Well, things got pretty rough after that.
Molly : Roland's promise to keep my store flourishing forever, well, it turned out to be a little bit more complicated than we thought. Long story short, the store is gone.
Joel : And Cup of Joel basically crashed and burned after a week. I mean, it really wasn't anything. And as much as little Tucker loved havin' a new dad around, he was pretty traumatized seein' his real dad get shot in the face by the police.
Molly : The debts started to pile up and I started taking pills to numb the pain.
Joel : And then...
Molly : I started sleeping with Frank again. But enough of our sob stories. The bottom line is, we mutually decided that we were better off as friends than spouses.
Joel : Yeah.
-
Roger : I want to make a toast. To my beautiful white daughter, Molly.
Pam : Hear, hear.
Joel : [confused look] Wait, what?
Roger : She is beautiful, isn't she, Joel? Skin pure as the driven snow. Completely unmongrelized. Uh... My beautiful Aryan princess, Molly.
Pam : To Molly. Thanks, Mama.
Joel : What the fuck?
Roger : Joel, have you ever thought about how white people should be proud of their heritage, just like other people are?
Joel : No.
Pam : Do you realize because of the race mixers white people are now the minority in this country?
Roger : It's a good point.
Molly : Guys, let's not bore Joel. Justin, how's school?
Joel : [cut to Joel and Molly enters her apartment] How could you not tell me that your parents were white supremacists?
Molly : I didn't think it was important, Joel.
Joel : Not important? Are you kidding? "Oh, hi, Mom. It's me, Joel. Guess what? I'm dating this great girl. Her name's Molly. By the way, she's a Nazi."
Molly : So they're a little eccentric!
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Joel : I have a dream, that someday I want to have my own coffee place, A Cup of Joel, you know, as like in cup of joe, but I would say Joel...
Molly : Right.
Joel : ...because everyone knows cup of joe, cup of Joel because my name's Joel.
Molly : Smart.
Joel : So Joel instead of joe.
Molly : I get it.
Joel : Ahh, I don't know, it's probably just wishful thinking, right, it's kind of stupid.
Molly : No, it's not stupid, it's great, you should do that.
Joel : Tiffany always said that it was a dumb idea.
Molly : I don't know Tiffany, but she sounds like a stupid bitch.
[Both chuckle]
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Joel : I'm sorry.
Molly : You're sorry? Thought you were Joel.
Joel : Actually, Joel is my middle name.
Molly : Sorry is your first name?
Joel : Billy is my first name.
Molly : Your name is Billy Joel?
Joel : Hmm... I never really thought about that before, but yeah, I guess it is. I should probably get going. Have a good night.
-
Pam : Want to see me naked, Joel? See anything you like? Take me, Joel. Shag me rotten.
Joel : But I'm in love with your daughter, Mrs... Whatever Molly's last name is. Good answer! You did it, Joel. He did it, you guys!
Molly : [Molly and Roger come out from behind the curtains] Yeah. You're the first boyfriend I ever had to pass the test!
Roger : I'm very impressed, Joel. Very impressed.
Joel : Uh, thanks.
Roger : I have watched many, many of Molly's boyfriends bend my wife over that sideboard and flunk the hell out of this test!
Joel : Oh. Can I take the test again?
[all laughing]
Joel : Please? Come on, I wanna fuck your mom.
