- Greg Fitzsimmons: [about minister Oral Roberts] A minister with the first name Oral. That's like a prisoner with the first name Anal.
- Alonzo Bodden: [about "Spenser for Hire"] Hawk would say three words, pull out a gun bigger than your head and kill you with it. If it wasn't for Hawk, Spenser would have lived two episodes.
- Larry Joe Campbell: [about "Black Monday"] I remember it didn't mean a damn thing to me 'cause we didn't have any money. So who cares?
- Tom Papa: [about the mother from "Throw Momma from the Train"] It's like if your angry gym teacher had sex with a Shar-Pei.
- Dee Snider: [about playing "The Legend of Zelda"] I got to level 7. I was there. I could taste it. I was gonna get the princess, man! And one of my
- [bleeping]
- Dee Snider: in' kids kicked out the plug.