- Steven: I can't take it anymore.
- Kelly: Well, me neither, but you gotta take some of the blame.
- Film Brain: Why does he have to take the blame for it? If it's playing that loud and that long into the night, then surely other people will be annoyed as well. Buddy's being a public nuisance, and you don't have to smile and take it just 'cause it's fecking Christmas!
- Film Brain: Steven eventually gets to the fuse box and blows it up by throwing a snowball into it. But just as Steven is savoring his victory, it turns out Buddy's got a backup generator, and the lights are back on. It's a good thing that happened, because what Steven just did was trespassing and property damage, to say the bloody least. This is the kind of movie where if it were any real world, half the characters would be in prison.
- Film Brain: And Broderick is decked out in a bright orange suit, which is pretty undignified. Oh, who am I kidding? He's not had any dignity since Inspector Gadget.
- Buddy: And I'm nowhere near finished.
- Steven: Are you kidding me? Jesus.
- [the crowd turns on him; feigns singing]
- Steven: ... Christ the lord is born on this... Christmas morn.
- Film Brain: That's right, the only time Jesus' name is mentioned in this Christmas movie is when it gets used as a curse word. How colorful, just like those Christmas lights over there, because that's Christmas is all about, am I right, people?
- Film Brain: Hey look, it's Hurley from Lost. You get back to that island, Hurley. You don't want to be a part of this shit.
- Film Brain: I'm sorry, but why does ANYONE around here have to be The Christmas Guy? Just because you're a puritanical fascist obsessive doesn't mean you can't BOTH celebrate the holidays. Oh, that's right, because we wouldn't have a movie if people weren't stupid. I forgot.
- Film Brain: I don't know about you, but when I see Christmas trees on fire, I don't laugh, because it's awfully depressing and horrific.
- Buddy: I had to get your body temperature up, so I stripped us both down and zipped us into this sleeping bag. Trust me, it works.
- [Steven screams bloody murder]
- Film Brain: [sarcastically] Yay, a forced gay joke in a festive film. How wonderful. And now, a few questions for you to ponder: Number 1, did Buddy get Steven out of that frozen lake all by himself without calling emergency services? Number 2, if they did get the emergency crew, then why is Steven riding in the back of the family car as opposed to an ambulance? And Number 3, and my favorite of all, what the hell does this have to do with the plot? This scene is stupid, crass, and pointless.
- Steven: [calling to a dancing girl on stage] Hey, baby, who's your daddy?
- [turns out, one of them is is daughter;humiliated]
- Steven: I'm your daddy... I'm your daddy.
- Film Brain: Huzzah, an incest joke in a Christmas film, because apparently these are the only three teenagers in town. Fa la la la la, la la la la.
- Film Brain: Really? You're gonna run away from the sheriff just because he likes women's clothing? It's his choice; get over it, you prudish twat. I'm guessing this is why Steven doesn't get the police involved again later. Because Christmas movies shouldn't be full of ho-ho-homophobia.
- Film Brain: Come on, Buddy is clearly in the wrong here, and in any other movie, he would be the villain, but we're supposed to be cheering that he gets his wish, while the uptight Steven gets the coal. No! I hate them both equally. And it just makes the movie tiresome because we know that Buddy's going to win every, single damn time... whether he deserves it or not.
- Buddy: I had to forge your signature, otherwise they wouldn't let me drive the car outta here.
- Film Brain: And whilst this is a typical thing for a Danny DeVito character to do, this isn't a dark comedy! It's completely out of place, especially when the film itself considers Buddy to be the good guy. He's a bloody monster!
- Film Brain: Buddy's got a new job at the local Chrysler dealership in town. Chrysler, Chrysler! Sorry, I felt the need to say that three times for some reason. JEEP!