- Steven Page: [the interviewees for Underneath The Tunes lament the aftermath of Robin Daggers' Grey Cup halftime show] It was tragic. I mean to this day, you ask any Canadian where they were when Robin Sparkles lost it, not only can they tell you which Tim Horton's they were in - but what donut they were eating. Me? Wawa, Ontario. Blueberry fritter.
- Geddy Lee: Halifax, Nova Scotia. Walnut crunch.
- Luc Robitaille: Victoriaville, Quebec. Sour cream plain.
- Alex Trebek: Sudbury, Ontario. Honey dip.
- k.d. lang: Red Deer, Alberta. Chocolate glaze.
- Jason Priestley: Squamish, British Columbia. Crammed a Timbit into a strawberry vanilla and invented the Priestley. Should have been the best day of my life.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [In the Underneath the Tunes video] Who doesn't love the mall? Shopping with your friends and... I can't do this. Get this out of my face, please! Thank you. Pardon me. Thanks. Sorry!
- Lily Aldrin: Even when Canadians are mean, they're polite!
- Narrator: Kids, sometimes, when you're about to give up on your love life forever for the 17th time, destiny intervenes.
- [In the present, Ted is in the subway and sees Jeanette reading the same book as him]
- Narrator: Instead of rushing in, I took my time to think of the perfect opening line.
- [as Ted is about to talk to her, she gets up and gets out of the subway]
- Ted Mosby: [Yelling after her] Wait! No, damn it! Come back! You're really... You're pretty!
- Ted Mosby: But here's the thing about Ted Mosby: he doesn't give up!
- Lily Aldrin: Stalker Ted alert! Repeat, stalker Ted alert!
- [Ted picks up a yellow legal pad]
- Marshall Eriksen: Already has a yellow legal pad going! Repeat, already has a yellow legal pad going!
- Ted Mosby: Look, there's a fine line between love and insanity. It's the Dobler-Dahmer theory.
- Lily Aldrin: Damn, I always forget the little one!
- Ted Mosby: All right. If both people are into each other, a big romantic gesture works. Like Lloyd Dobler holding up the boom box outside Dianne Court's window in Say Anything. But if one person isn't into the other, the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy, or Dahmer.
- Ted Mosby: Hold on! I'm beginning to think that you guys didn't come here to see my new lectern! Are you implying Jeanette started a fire?
- Marshall Eriksen: Dahmer!
- Ted Mosby: Dobler! She's John Cusack, I'm Ione Skye, and there's nothing weird about that!
- Marshall Eriksen: She set a fire, Ted! Dahmer!
- Ted Mosby: You're just jealous 'cause Lily never burned anything for you!
- Marshall Eriksen: Clearly, you never tried her pot roast.
- Barney Stinson: Simon Tremblay. I should have known!
- Simon: Eh! Thanks for the free donuts!
- Barney Stinson: They're just donuts, okay? They're like two for a loonie... dollar! What's happening?