Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis (TV Series)
Oscar Buzz Edition Part 1 (2013)
Zach Galifianakis: Self - Host
Quotes
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Himself - Host : [to the camera] welcome to another edition of Between Two Ferns I'm your host Zach Galifianakis, this a Oscar edition of Between Two Ferns, a special Oscar insight to "Oscar" nominees and all of their Oscar "buzzness" around them. My first guest is Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer thank you
Jennifer Lawrence : thank you
Himself - Host : I got a beef to pick with your costar Bradley Cooper because he had told me in real life that you were...
Himself - Host : [looking in his notes] I wrote it down, I want to make sure I got it right, ugly
Jennifer Lawrence : wow
Himself - Host : and I've got to be honest I don't know what his talking about, unless he was joking with me, you're good looking
Jennifer Lawrence : [remains silent]
Himself - Host : you were in a movie called The Hunger Games...
Jennifer Lawrence : [interrupts him] yeah isn't that your life story?
Himself - Host : [irritated] you shouldn't say that, that's "off pudding"
Jennifer Lawrence : you should be "off pudding"
Himself - Host : [remains silent]
Jennifer Lawrence : because your fat
Himself - Host : [confused]
Jennifer Lawrence : you shouldn't eat anymore pudding
Himself - Host : yeah, when you take on a project like Silver Linings Playbook, what draws you into that character? What spoke to you?
Jennifer Lawrence : I think Tiffany taught me a lot about...
Himself - Host : [interrupts her by pressing the red button and music comes on and Jennifer is escorted off the stage by Misty] this is the Oscar edition, good luck
Naomi Watts : [Naomi Watts enters] Hi Zach
Himself - Host : [shakes each other's hand] welcome
Naomi Watts : nice to meet you
Himself - Host : you're from Australia and I hear that the toilets work backwards and have you ever read about that? I guess for you it's backwards here and it's backwards for us in Australia
Naomi Watts : No, it doesn't do that
Himself - Host : when you're in a movie do they shrink you down? So, you can fit into the camera? How does that work?
Naomi Watts : I know I've been shrunk too many times I have to stop working for a while
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Himself - Host : are there side effects?
Naomi Watts : just diarrhea
Himself - Host : [Zach presses the red button, music comes on and Naomi is escorted off stage by Misty] thank you
Himself - Host : [Christoph Waltz enters they shake hands and he sits down] thank you for joining us
Christoph Waltz : thank you for inviting me
Himself - Host : Christoph Waltz is here from Django Unchained, I got your text about not bringing up your Mein Kampf tattoo. Have you thought about changing your name to "Christoph breakdance?
Christoph Waltz : I have but it doesn't really make sense...
Himself - Host : [interrupts him] what is your preparation to get ready for a part?
Christoph Waltz : that's none of your business to tell you the truth because I think it's...
Himself - Host : [talking over each other] it is my business, you're on my talk show...
Christoph Waltz : [talking over each other] you completely over value these stories about actors, they preparations...
Himself - Host : [talking over each other] I have questions to ask you, you don't sit there and run your mouth in English, French, German or Italian and say that's none of your business, it's all my business...
Christoph Waltz : [talking over each other] you realize magicians wouldn't dare to tell anyone how they do their magic. tricks...
Himself - Host : [looking at his notes] do you say the "N" word more in Django Unchained or in real life?
Christoph Waltz : [jokingly] more in real life
Himself - Host : [presses the red button, music comes on and Christoph is escorted off the stage by Misty] I think that's it
Christoph Waltz : [to Misty as he gladly walks off the stage] where have you been? Thank you
Misty Monroe : my pleasure
Christoph Waltz : please...
Anne Hathaway : [Anne Hathaway, enters, hugs Zach and sits on his lap] Hi I miss you, where do I sit?
Himself - Host : [points to the other chair] you can sit on this chair
Anne Hathaway : you're funny
Himself - Host : yeah
Anne Hathaway : your really funny
Himself - Host : right
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Anne Hathaway : I like you
Himself - Host : thanks Anne, so how much have you had to drink today?
Anne Hathaway : you don't know that, you can't prove it
Himself - Host : to be honest, I smelled it on you...
Anne Hathaway : [stuttering] no that's my perfume, it's not that at all
Himself - Host : what's your perfume's name?
Anne Hathaway : [singing] sucks to be you right now...
Anne Hathaway : [presses the red button, music comes on to Misty she's dragged off the stage by Misty to Zach] ow, ow, ow, what the... What!
Anne Hathaway : my bag's busted
Himself - Host : [Zach hands Anne her purse] thanks Anne
Anne Hathaway : [to Zach as she's pulled off the stage] you're busted
Amy Adams : [Amy Adams enters] hi
Himself - Host : hello
Anne Hathaway : how are you doing?
Himself - Host : good Amy Adams is here everybody
Anne Hathaway : [waves to off camera] hi
Himself - Host : you have red hair and...
Amy Adams : yes, I do, guess what they used to call me in high school?
Himself - Host : cinnamon muff?
Amy Adams : [irritated] no they didn't call me cinnamon muff
Himself - Host : what did they call you? Fire crotch?
Amy Adams : no, strawberry short cake, it's a small child's doll
Himself - Host : you know I find you to be a wonderful actress
Amy Adams : thank you
Himself - Host : can I give you an acting challenge?
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Amy Adams : ok
Himself - Host : I'm going to show you a line and I'm hoping you can do it with as much weight and gravity to it as possible
Himself - Host : [showing her his notes] I'll say action
Himself - Host : action
Amy Adams : [saying the line] don't you ever fart on my tits again
[segment ends]