- Homer Simpson: You know how in the Special Olympics they give out medals just for showing up?
- Marge Simpson: How many times have I told you to stop comparing our relationship to the Special Olympics?
- Milhouse Van Houten: [Hugging stuffed bunny] I love you, Fluffy Fella.
- School Therapist: I've just been fired. I need that bunny more than you.
- [Takes bunny]
- Milhouse Van Houten: Fluffy fella! Fella!
- Milhouse Van Houten: Lisa, did you see Marlon Brando in Mutiny in the Bounty?
- Lisa Simpson: No, nobody did.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Then this is all me!
- Nelson Muntz: For some reason, chicks dig Brando, with his sweaty clothes and mumbling. I've been wasting my time with this sophisticated act.
- [Takes off frayed vest, folds it and puts it inside desk]
- Milhouse Van Houten: Who knew having a backbone would make one attractive?
- Principal Skinner: Certainly not I, or my suits wouldn't fit.
- Homer Simpson: [Caught inside a bondage device] Quick, call the Proctor & Gamble help line!
- Marge Simpson: Boy, they make everything nowadays.
- Marge Simpson: I'm tired of your broken promises. "I'll fix it tomorrow." "I'll be home at 8:00 PM." "I'll be home at 8:00 AM." "I'll take you on the most romantic dinner of your life." Well, I'm through with your excuses!
- Homer Simpson: Marge was so happy when I made those promises. What changed?
- Homer Simpson: The marriage I have taken for granted all these years has suddenly exploded in my face. What do I do?
- Herstory Narrator: Typically, men have two choices.
- [Thought balloon over Homer shows a pair of boxing gloves labeled "Fight" and a pair of winged sneakers labeled "Flee"]
- Homer Simpson: I like the looks of those winged shoes. I choose flee!
- [Starts running, but after a couple of blocks gets exhausted and stops]
- Homer Simpson: Where's an automatic sidewalk when you need one? Fleeing didn't work. I have no choice. I must do... whatever the other thing was!
- Herstory Narrator: Milhouse has made his choice, and if there's any justice, he's doomed. Now let's see what Maggie is up to.
- [Cut to Maggie rocking her crib back and forth; image freezes as she falls over]
- Herstory Narrator: Moving on.
- Homer Simpson: [Finds Helen Lovejoy at a sex shop] The minister's wife? What are you doing here?
- Helen Lovejoy: Uh, protesting.
- Reverend Lovejoy: [Comes out of a dressing room wearing bondage wear] Is this domineering enough for you?
- Helen Lovejoy: Go back to the cowboy thing and wait in the car.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Help me out here, Homer.
- [Homer laughs uneasily and walks away]
- Homer Simpson: Do you know a way to please a woman that starts with F?
- Moe: As a matter of fact, I've been reading up on this Fifty Shades of Gray, and apparently what women today want is to give her what for in the bedroom.
- Homer Simpson: Woo hoo! I'll woo her with woo-hoo!
- Moe: I dunno, if this is what women are into, I should be a lot more popular.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, Marge! Come into the garage! You know it's gonna be good, because I'm talking in a sing-song fashion!