Poker Night 2 (2013 Video Game)

Roger Jackson: Reginald Van Winslow, Skun-ka'pe

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Skun-ka'pe : [the player gets out of a limo they were in with Skun-ka'pe remaining in it]  Good luck, hu-man.

  [the player enters the Inventory, and as they head through the halls, one of the Save Lot Bandits from The Walking Dead is tossed through a door. Brock Samson walks out of that same door] 

  Brock Samson : Good game.

  [he places a cigarette in his mouth] 

  Brock Samson : Let's do it again sometime.

  [he lights his cigarette and turns to the player] 

  Brock Samson : Oh hey, it's you... .Alright. C'mon, I'll lead you in.

  [the player follows him] 

  Brock Samson : Name's Samson. Brock Samson.

  [at a door] 

  Brock Samson : Friggin' place is like a maze...

  [inside the room, Winslow turns around] 

  Reginald Van Winslow : Ah, Mr. Samson! I lost track of you for a moment.

  [gasp] 

  Reginald Van Winslow : And you've brought the Player! Splendid!

  [they go downstairs] 

  Reginald Van Winslow : On behalf of everyone at the Inventory, I cannot BEGIN to express our unbridled elation to see you return for another night of high-stakes poker!

  Brock Samson : Yeah, uh, speaking of high stakes, things may have gotten... stabby... over at the mumbly-peg room.

  Reginald Van Winslow : Mr. Samson! I once again remind you that the Inventory is NOT your personal abbatoire!

  Brock Samson : Yeah, yeah, send the cleaning bill to Venture Industries.

  Reginald Van Winslow : [muttering]  That's what you said the last time...

  [They stop at the bar, being run by Mad Moxxi. Winslow grabs a martini glass and takes a sip] 

  Reginald Van Winslow : As always, I am Commodore Reginald van Winslow, retired, and I will be your host on tonight's perilous voyage on the seas of chance!

  Brock Samson : [to Moxxi, while Winslow is talking to the player]  Hey, sweet cheeks. How 'bout some smokes?

  [she retrieves a box and gives it to Brock] 

  Brock Samson : Thanks, babe.

  Sam : [a banjo starts playing. The player turns around to see Sam leaning in a chair with his feet propped up, playing the banjo]  Hey, Reggie, these new chairs are great! It's like my keister is being held aloft by the wings of tiny velvet angels!

  Max : [Max slides down the stairway railing and begins jumping on a chair]  Let me try, Sam!

  Reginald Van Winslow : I'm afraid there's no room at the table for your plus one, Sam.

  [Max stops jumping] 

  Sam : That's okay; Max'll make his own fun.

  Max : [Max aims his Luger into the air]  Come out with your arms akimbo, Mendoza!

  [he fires the Luger] 

  Brock Samson : So when do we get this clambake on the road?

  Reginald Van Winslow : In a few minutes. We're still waiting for...

  Steve : Heyo!

  [the player turns to the stage, where Steve and Claptrap are] 

  Claptrap : Hello, future losers!

  Reginald Van Winslow : ...our remaining contestants.

  [Claptrap hops off of the stage and heads toward the bar] 

  Claptrap : But seriously, whose HDMI port do I have to kiss to get a drink around here?

  [he expectantly looks at Moxxi, but when she rebuffs him, he sits at the poker table] 

  Claptrap : Ooh! I really love what you've done with the place! Very, uh, "Boardwalk Empire" meets "Silence of the Lambs".

  Reginald Van Winslow : As I was saying your seat of

  [subtitles continue: "honor has been re-stuffed to accommodate your... generous undercarriage."] 

  Claptrap : Can we get going? Steve and I have a tee time at Spyglass.

  Reginald Van Winslow : [sigh]  I suppose we should. I'd hoped our final contestant would be here by now, but it appears that we'll be one short tonight.

  [suddenly, very loud footsteps are heard. Everyone looks around in confusion. They look up at a window, which first cracks, then shatters when Ash Williams is tossed through. He stands up and takes his seat at the table as though nothing happened] 

  Ash : Deal me in.

  [he takes a nearby martini glass in his metal arm, but accidentally shatters it. He winces and dusts the shards off of the table] 

  Reginald Van Winslow : [all five players buy in with $20,000]  Everything seems to be in order. The chips are stacked, the deck is shuffled... Let the tournament BEGIN! Gentlemen, I leave you to the tender mercies of... GLaDOS.

  GlaDOS : [descends from the ceiling]  Good evening.

  Sam : Great fountains of Wayne!

  Ash : What the hell?

  Brock Samson : What in the...?

  Claptrap : Hubba hubba!

  GlaDOS : This completes the first test of the contestants' poker faces. The bad news is you all failed miserably. The good news is you appear to be evenly matched.

  [she rises back into the ceiling]