Poker Night 2 (2013 Video Game)
David Eddings: Claptrap
Quotes
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[first lines]
Skun-ka'pe : [the player gets out of a limo they were in with Skun-ka'pe remaining in it] Good luck, hu-man.
[the player enters the Inventory, and as they head through the halls, one of the Save Lot Bandits from The Walking Dead is tossed through a door. Brock Samson walks out of that same door]
Brock Samson : Good game.
[he places a cigarette in his mouth]
Brock Samson : Let's do it again sometime.
[he lights his cigarette and turns to the player]
Brock Samson : Oh hey, it's you... .Alright. C'mon, I'll lead you in.
[the player follows him]
Brock Samson : Name's Samson. Brock Samson.
[at a door]
Brock Samson : Friggin' place is like a maze...
[inside the room, Winslow turns around]
Reginald Van Winslow : Ah, Mr. Samson! I lost track of you for a moment.
[gasp]
Reginald Van Winslow : And you've brought the Player! Splendid!
[they go downstairs]
Reginald Van Winslow : On behalf of everyone at the Inventory, I cannot BEGIN to express our unbridled elation to see you return for another night of high-stakes poker!
Brock Samson : Yeah, uh, speaking of high stakes, things may have gotten... stabby... over at the mumbly-peg room.
Reginald Van Winslow : Mr. Samson! I once again remind you that the Inventory is NOT your personal abbatoire!
Brock Samson : Yeah, yeah, send the cleaning bill to Venture Industries.
Reginald Van Winslow : [muttering] That's what you said the last time...
[They stop at the bar, being run by Mad Moxxi. Winslow grabs a martini glass and takes a sip]
Reginald Van Winslow : As always, I am Commodore Reginald van Winslow, retired, and I will be your host on tonight's perilous voyage on the seas of chance!
Brock Samson : [to Moxxi, while Winslow is talking to the player] Hey, sweet cheeks. How 'bout some smokes?
[she retrieves a box and gives it to Brock]
Brock Samson : Thanks, babe.
Sam : [a banjo starts playing. The player turns around to see Sam leaning in a chair with his feet propped up, playing the banjo] Hey, Reggie, these new chairs are great! It's like my keister is being held aloft by the wings of tiny velvet angels!
Max : [Max slides down the stairway railing and begins jumping on a chair] Let me try, Sam!
Reginald Van Winslow : I'm afraid there's no room at the table for your plus one, Sam.
[Max stops jumping]
Sam : That's okay; Max'll make his own fun.
Max : [Max aims his Luger into the air] Come out with your arms akimbo, Mendoza!
[he fires the Luger]
Brock Samson : So when do we get this clambake on the road?
Reginald Van Winslow : In a few minutes. We're still waiting for...
Steve : Heyo!
[the player turns to the stage, where Steve and Claptrap are]
Claptrap : Hello, future losers!
Reginald Van Winslow : ...our remaining contestants.
[Claptrap hops off of the stage and heads toward the bar]
Claptrap : But seriously, whose HDMI port do I have to kiss to get a drink around here?
[he expectantly looks at Moxxi, but when she rebuffs him, he sits at the poker table]
Claptrap : Ooh! I really love what you've done with the place! Very, uh, "Boardwalk Empire" meets "Silence of the Lambs".
Reginald Van Winslow : As I was saying your seat of
[subtitles continue: "honor has been re-stuffed to accommodate your... generous undercarriage."]
Claptrap : Can we get going? Steve and I have a tee time at Spyglass.
Reginald Van Winslow : [sigh] I suppose we should. I'd hoped our final contestant would be here by now, but it appears that we'll be one short tonight.
[suddenly, very loud footsteps are heard. Everyone looks around in confusion. They look up at a window, which first cracks, then shatters when Ash Williams is tossed through. He stands up and takes his seat at the table as though nothing happened]
Ash : Deal me in.
[he takes a nearby martini glass in his metal arm, but accidentally shatters it. He winces and dusts the shards off of the table]
Reginald Van Winslow : [all five players buy in with $20,000] Everything seems to be in order. The chips are stacked, the deck is shuffled... Let the tournament BEGIN! Gentlemen, I leave you to the tender mercies of... GLaDOS.
GlaDOS : [descends from the ceiling] Good evening.
Sam : Great fountains of Wayne!
Ash : What the hell?
Brock Samson : What in the...?
Claptrap : Hubba hubba!
GlaDOS : This completes the first test of the contestants' poker faces. The bad news is you all failed miserably. The good news is you appear to be evenly matched.
[she rises back into the ceiling]