Last Man Standing (TV Series)

Back to School (2013)

Tim Allen: Mike Baxter

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Mike Baxter : Listen up. Before we get started, I just want to say, whether you've been in America for hundreds of years like your families

  [gestures toward Robertsons] 

  Mike Baxter : or an American for just two days,

  [pats Blanca on the shoulder] 

  Mike Baxter : I feel blessed to be sharing this country will all of you. Want to do the honors?

  [gestures to Brody] 

  Brody : Sure. Let's pray. Lord our God is one God. We pray that we love you with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and we pray that we love our neighbor as ourself. There is no greater commandment than this. Amen.

  Mike Baxter , Vanessa Baxter , Mandy Baxter , Eve Baxter , Kristin Baxter , Kyle Anderson , Boyd Baxter , Uncle Ray , Blanca : Amen.

  Mike Baxter : All right.

• [first lines] 

  Mike Baxter : Hey babe.

  Vanessa Baxter : He-ey.

  Mike Baxter : What's the matter?

  Vanessa Baxter : Oh nothing. I'm just... I'm just right on that late afternoon fence where do I have another cup of coffee or just say screw it and pour my first glass of wine.

  Mike Baxter : Tough one.

  Vanessa Baxter : Well, which way do you love me more, a little jittery and chatty or passed out and drooling by eight-thirty?

  Mike Baxter : I love you both ways.

  [leans in for a kiss then slides a wine bottle toward Vanessa] 

• Vanessa Baxter : Boyd is learning Spanish at his new school.

  Blanca : And I will say, with *that* they are doing a very good job.

  Mike Baxter : Why are they teaching him Spanish in the first grade?

  Vanessa Baxter : Well, honey, it's a bilingual school. The teacher says everything in English and then says it again in Spanish.

  Mike Baxter : So you work twice as hard to learn half as much.

  Vanessa Baxter : Or they are learning twice as much because they're learning another language.

  Mike Baxter : How do they even understand "twice as much" if there's no time for math?

• Mandy Baxter : Hey, you guys, check this out. Cogito ergo sum. I think therefor I am.

  Mike Baxter : René Descartes.

  Mandy Baxter : She was awesome. We learned about her in Philosophy, today. She was French so I don't really know why she was speaking Italian.

  Mike Baxter : Uh, money well spent.

  Vanessa Baxter : I think René Descartes was a monsieur.

  Vanessa Baxter : Oh. Wow. Philosopher that gives massages. Cool, that's a real renaissance woman.

• Ryan : Face it, Wilson is overcrowded and the faculty is overwhelmed. I mean, at my first PTA meeting I was the only 'P'.

  Mike Baxter : So you were all alone with just T and A.

• Mike Baxter : Hi, Blanca.

  Blanca : Welcome home, Mr. Mike. I have your favorite, a frosty mug and spiced nuts on the tray.

  Mike Baxter : Thank you. You know when an American woman serves your nuts on a tray it means somethin' totally different.

  Blanca : But, Mr. Mike, an American woman did serve nuts to you.

  [points to American flag pinned to her apron] 

  Mike Baxter : No way. Oh, congratulations.

  [hugs Blanca] 

  Blanca : Thank you.

  Mike Baxter : That is such good news.

  Blanca : It's good to be here, I mean to *really* be here.

  Mike Baxter : Now you're part of the club. Confidentially, at the Alamo, we weren't really trying.