Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV Series)

Pilot (2013)

Andy Samberg: Jake Peralta

Photos 

Quotes 

• Amy Santiago : Wall Street Journal on the doormat, top floor apartment... 20 bucks says this guy is like a hot, eligible bachelor.

  Jake Peralta : I'll take that action.

  [knocks on door] 

  Jake Peralta : Police, open up!

  Old Man : Hello?

  Jake Peralta : Oh! Hello sir, how are you today? I am Detective Right-All-The-Time, and this is my partner, Detective Terrible Detective.

• Jake Peralta : Never took off the speedo. Big mistake, it is inside me.

• [last lines] 

  Jake Peralta : That's how we do it in the Nine-Nine, sir. Catch bad guys and look good doing it.

  [winces and fidgets] 

  Captain Ray Holt : What is wrong with you?

  Jake Peralta : Never took off the Speedo. Big mistake. It is inside me. Great work, team!

• [first lines] 

  Jake Peralta : This job is eating me alive. I can't breathe anymore. I spent all these years trying to be the good guy, the man in the white hat. I'm not becoming like them. I am them.

  Amy Santiago : Hey! What are you doing, weirdo?

  Jake Peralta : I'm doing the best speech from "Donnie Brasco". Or actually, ten of me are doing the best speech from "Donnie Brasco". What's up?

• Jake Peralta : Sorry dude... But this new guy is gonna be another washed-up pencil pusher, who's only concerned with

  [robotically] 

  Jake Peralta : following every rule in the patrol guide. Meep morp zeep. Robot captain engage.

  Captain Ray Holt : Is that what you think?

  Jake Peralta : He-hey! New captain alert.

  [laughs] 

  Jake Peralta : You must be the new C.O. I'm Detective Jake Peralta. Great to meet you.

  Captain Ray Holt : Now don't let me interrupt. You were describing what kind of person I'm gonna be. I'd like you to finish.

  Jake Peralta : That's not necessary. Or I could recap very quickly, sure. Um, let's see. I think I said some joke about being a washed-up pencil pusher.

  Captain Ray Holt : Now do the robot voice.

  Jake Peralta : Which...

  Captain Ray Holt : The robot voice you were doing when you implied I'm a rule-following robot. I wanna hear it again.

  Jake Peralta : Meep morp... Zarp. Robot.

  Captain Ray Holt : That's a terrible robot voice.

  Jake Peralta : Yep.

  Captain Ray Holt : The next time I see you, I'd like you to be wearing a necktie.

• Jake Peralta : All right, listen up everybody! Better contact Captain Holt, let him know we have a ten-tie situation.

  Captain Ray Holt : Speaking of ties, where's yours Meep Morp?

  Jake Peralta : This is fantastic. Captain! Hey! Welcome to the murder.