- David Letterman: [driving his Nissan Leaf] People just make fun of me when they see me in this car. And I feel like a putz, you know?
- Self - Host: Right. Do you know what a putz is?
- David Letterman: Well, I... yeah.
- Self - Host: Do you know the word schmuck?
- David Letterman: Yeah.
- Self - Host: So, what's the difference?
- David Letterman: A schmuck would be a guy riding around with a putz while he's eating kettle corn. Isn't that how that breaks out?
- David Letterman: [to Seinfeld driving an electric Nissan Leaf] You really don't like riding in this car.
- Self - Host: No.
- David Letterman: You just wanna burn up as much fossil fuel as you can.
- Self - Host: It's like alcohol, Dave. We have a problem with this stuff. Let's finish it up.
- Self - Host: It's justice. Comedy is the closest thing to justice. If you're funny, you survive. If you're not, you don't.