Mortdecai (2015)

Gwyneth Paltrow: Johanna

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mortdecai : Kissing a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt.

  Johanna : Uhh, don't point that thing at me.

  Jock : Told ya!

• Mortdecai : Oh, my darling, I tried desperately to be unfaithful to you, I really did. But I just couldn't do it.

  Johanna : It's a terrible moment when you find yourself falling in love with your own spouse, isn't it?

  Mortdecai : Now that is the look that softens every bone in my body, except one.

• Mortdecai : [calling through the door]  Johanna. Are you all right in there, darling? It is I, Charlie... Your husband.

  Johanna : What is it?

  Mortdecai : Oh, moon of my delight. This is your own personalized Sheik of Araby who seeks admission into your tent. I have come to carry you off to the burning desert, and work my greasy will upon you under the tropical stars. Send your camel to bed, damn it!

  Johanna : [sighs]  My Sheik, does this mean you have excommunicated that mustache of the Prophet?

  Mortdecai : ...I'll trim it... Darling. I am embarking on a very dangerous escapade, from which I may not well return. And it is customary in these situations for, you know, a proper send-off. Quick session of congress. Sink the Bismarck, if you will. And by the way, did I mention it is a matter of national security.

  Johanna : Mmm.

  [Mortdecai forces his way in] 

• Mortdecai : Quite a conundrum, this. I shall need a moment to think this through, I'm afraid.

  Johanna : Yes, do. Do think. Just bear in mind, I'm standing on a loo, holding a dead man's Goya.