Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Les Misérables: Musical Review (2013)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Photos 

Quotes 

• Paw : [about Brentlfloss]  We can't have him in the review.

  Nostalgia Critic : Do you think I don't know that?

  Oancitizen : We have to get rid of him. He's like a musical armageddon.

  Paw : The movie or the event?

  Oancitizen : Does it matter?

• Brentalfloss : [singing]  Where's the Critic? I don't get it. Where in God's name did they go? Got my PhD so quickly. Though I got it from Russell Crowe.

  Nostalgia Critic : [singing]  We don't need anymore help with this review. I got it covered with my current crew.

  All : [singing]  One big song!

  Nostalgia Critic : [singing]  So kick your feet back. And have a couple beers.

  All : [singing]  One big song!

  Nostalgia Critic : Watch this commercial. With our voices ringing in your ears. Singing this...

  All : [singing]  One song big... big song one... one big sooooooooooong!

  Platypuss Bunny : One big song!

• Oancitizen : [singing]  Look down. Look down. Don't look right at the screen.

  Nostalgia Critic , Paw : [singing]  We can't. We tried. It's just too damn obscene.

  Nostalgia Critic : [singing]  The singing's live. Who's bright idea was that?

  Oancitizen , Paw : [singing]  Probably the guy who gave Javert that hat!

  Paw : [singing]  Come on. You guys. It's not that bad per se.

  Nostalgia Critic , Oancitizen : [singing]  But Russell Crowe

  Paw : [singing]  Okay! Okay! Okay!

• Nostalgia Critic : Hearing Crowe debate ethics is like watching a rock argue with itself.

• Nostalgia Critic : Valjean then sings about how important it is to protect Marius, describing him like a son - a son he's only known for a few minutes.

  Jean Valjean : [singing]  God on high/Hear my prayer

  Oancitizen : This is especially disrespectful to the original, as the song was supposed to be sung quietly and soothing. Here, he belts it out.

  Jean Valjean : [singing]  If I die/Let me die

  Oancitizen : I'm surprised he doesn't wake up the entire army.

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, and I suppose Colm Wilkinson did much better?

  Oancitizen : He did! Much better!

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, and his

  [imitating with his hand] 

  Nostalgia Critic : awkward lip movements didn't result for hilarious sounds like this?

  Colm Wilkinson : [singing onstage at the 10th Anniversary Concert of Les Miserables]  Bring me ho-ome.

  [Nostalgia Critic and Paw chuckle] 

  Oancitizen : Well, OK, maybe not every note was perfect, but I don't...

  Colm Wilkinson : Ho-ome?

  [Nostalgia Critic and Paw laugh heartily as Kyle looks irritated] 

  Paw : Did he swallow a fish?

  Oancitizen : It's still better than Jackman.

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, I don't know. Jackman never sounded like a vomiting cat in reverse.

  Colm Wilkinson : Ho-ome? Ho-ome? Ho-ome?

  [Nostalgia Critic and Paw can't help but laugh hysterically. Oanacitizen is clearly upset and close to rage and tears] 

  Oancitizen : Stop it!

• Oancitizen : [on Russell Crowe's singing]  When you get down to it, he's in tune. He knows how to phrase his melodies. But he's using a different style. He's trained in rock and folk, a subdued, naturalistic style. Musical theater is grand and stylized, and because of that, the nature of the aesthetic makes it easy to spot a faker.

  Nostalgia Critic : On top of that, Crowe likes to use his acting method of "If I act like I don't care, maybe I can trick you to care." But in this film, all the other actors seem to have that pesky mindframe of wanting to emote and convey actual emotion.

• Nostalgia Critic : That's Colm Wilkinson?

  Paw : Yeah!

  Nostalgia Critic : It can't be!

  Paw : Why not?

  Nostalgia Critic : I can understand him. He usually sounds like Sean Connery if his lips were being stretched by a rice picker.

  Colm Wilkinson : [Wilkinson sings onstage]  The cries in the dark that nobody hears/Here where I stand at the turning of the years?

  Nostalgia Critic : I mean, shouldn't this be more like...

  [imitates Wilkinson's singing] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Dere izh wine here to revive you/Dere izh bread to make you zhtro-ooong.

  Oancitizen : [through his teeth]  You will leave that man alone. He is a musical treasure.

  Nostalgia Critic : I will for now, Kyle. But my collection of Colm Wilkinson funny voices will not go untouched.

• Nostalgia Critic : So, final thoughts on the movie?

  Paw : Well, I think it's great. It did a wonderful job to update the musical, as well as adapt it in a way that moviegoers would enjoy. It has its problems here and there, but I think it's fantastic just to see it in movie form.

  Oancitizen : Well, I thought it was terrible. It's clumsy. It's awkward. It's full of moment upon moment that doesn't work. And it commits the biggest crime any adaptation could: It made me question whether or not the material it's adapting was that damn great to begin with.

  Oancitizen , Paw : [Leaning in on The Nostalgia Critic]  Yoooouuuuu?

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, uh, as someone who enjoyed the musical but acknowledges that it had problems, I think the film is kinda similar. Some moments hit it right out of the park, and others don't even make it up to bat. So, on the whole, I'm glad I saw it. But I don't think it's great.

  Oancitizen : Wait, so it's

  [points at Paw] 

  Oancitizen : like,

  [points at himself] 

  Oancitizen : dislike, and

  [points at The Nostalgia Critic] 

  Oancitizen : indifferent.

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, hell, that's pretty much what the rest of the critics of the world thought. There's no real majority consensus. It's one of those movies that is so hard to get a fix on that pretty much everybody had a different reaction to it.

  Paw : Well, what the hell kind of a conclusion is that?

  Oancitizen : We need *some* kind of opinion to force on the viewers

  Paw : Yeah.

• [last lines] 

  Katara : Hello, Critic. We're Waterbenders.

  Nostalgia Critic : Ohh, look, I'm not really into new-age religion. Pretty much they all tell me I'm still going to hell.

  Sokka : No no, we're not here for that. I'm Sokka, and this is my sister Katara.

  Nostalgia Critic : Well obviously! And, uh, what's your guys' story?

  Katara : Well, I am the motherly, emotionally center.

  Sokka : And I'm funny!

  Nostalgia Critic : Uh huh, well look, can you two freaks waterbend the hell outta here?

  [Katara begins to bloodbend The Nostalgia Critic. She moves her arms so he is under her control. She makes him beat himself in head repeatedly] 

  Katara : Not until you save the franchise.

  Nostalgia Critic : Franchise! What franchise?

  Sokka : There is a great evil that has damaged our world, and only you can restore balance.

  Nostalgia Critic : What are you talking about?

• Nostalgia Critic : Jesus, guy, take a few steps back! I can see the scenery you've been chewing between your teeth!