- Paw: [about Brentlfloss] We can't have him in the review.
- Nostalgia Critic: Do you think I don't know that?
- Oancitizen: We have to get rid of him. He's like a musical armageddon.
- Paw: The movie or the event?
- Oancitizen: Does it matter?
- Paw: Should we talk about our interests or hobbies?
- Maven of the Eventide: Why, when we're so in love?
- Oancitizen: Hey, there's a Buffy marathon going on downstairs.
- Maven of the Eventide: [excited] Girl power and vampires?
- [She runs off accidentally dragging Paw onto the floor]
- Paw: Cock-blocker!
- Yakko: I'm Yakko...
- Wakko: I'm Wakko...
- Javert: [Over Dot; singing] And I'm Javert!
- Brentalfloss: [singing] Where's the Critic? I don't get it. Where in God's name did they go? Got my PhD so quickly. Though I got it from Russell Crowe.
- Nostalgia Critic: [singing] We don't need anymore help with this review. I got it covered with my current crew.
- All: [singing] One big song!
- Nostalgia Critic: [singing] So kick your feet back. And have a couple beers.
- All: [singing] One big song!
- Nostalgia Critic: Watch this commercial. With our voices ringing in your ears. Singing this...
- All: [singing] One song big... big song one... one big sooooooooooong!
- Platypuss Bunny: One big song!
- Oancitizen: [singing] Look down. Look down. Don't look right at the screen.
- Nostalgia Critic, Paw: [singing] We can't. We tried. It's just too damn obscene.
- Nostalgia Critic: [singing] The singing's live. Who's bright idea was that?
- Oancitizen, Paw: [singing] Probably the guy who gave Javert that hat!
- Paw: [singing] Come on. You guys. It's not that bad per se.
- Nostalgia Critic, Oancitizen: [singing] But Russell Crowe
- Paw: [singing] Okay! Okay! Okay!
- Nostalgia Critic: Valjean then sings about how important it is to protect Marius, describing him like a son - a son he's only known for a few minutes.
- Jean Valjean: [singing] God on high/Hear my prayer
- Oancitizen: This is especially disrespectful to the original, as the song was supposed to be sung quietly and soothing. Here, he belts it out.
- Jean Valjean: [singing] If I die/Let me die
- Oancitizen: I'm surprised he doesn't wake up the entire army.
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, and I suppose Colm Wilkinson did much better?
- Oancitizen: He did! Much better!
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, and his
- [imitating with his hand]
- Nostalgia Critic: awkward lip movements didn't result for hilarious sounds like this?
- Colm Wilkinson: [singing onstage at the 10th Anniversary Concert of Les Miserables] Bring me ho-ome.
- [Nostalgia Critic and Paw chuckle]
- Oancitizen: Well, OK, maybe not every note was perfect, but I don't...
- Colm Wilkinson: Ho-ome?
- [Nostalgia Critic and Paw laugh heartily as Kyle looks irritated]
- Paw: Did he swallow a fish?
- Oancitizen: It's still better than Jackman.
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, I don't know. Jackman never sounded like a vomiting cat in reverse.
- Colm Wilkinson: Ho-ome? Ho-ome? Ho-ome?
- [Nostalgia Critic and Paw can't help but laugh hysterically. Oanacitizen is clearly upset and close to rage and tears]
- Oancitizen: Stop it!
- Oancitizen: [on Russell Crowe's singing] When you get down to it, he's in tune. He knows how to phrase his melodies. But he's using a different style. He's trained in rock and folk, a subdued, naturalistic style. Musical theater is grand and stylized, and because of that, the nature of the aesthetic makes it easy to spot a faker.
- Nostalgia Critic: On top of that, Crowe likes to use his acting method of "If I act like I don't care, maybe I can trick you to care." But in this film, all the other actors seem to have that pesky mindframe of wanting to emote and convey actual emotion.
- Nostalgia Critic: That's Colm Wilkinson?
- Paw: Yeah!
- Nostalgia Critic: It can't be!
- Paw: Why not?
- Nostalgia Critic: I can understand him. He usually sounds like Sean Connery if his lips were being stretched by a rice picker.
- Colm Wilkinson: [Wilkinson sings onstage] The cries in the dark that nobody hears/Here where I stand at the turning of the years?
- Nostalgia Critic: I mean, shouldn't this be more like...
- [imitates Wilkinson's singing]
- Nostalgia Critic: Dere izh wine here to revive you/Dere izh bread to make you zhtro-ooong.
- Oancitizen: [through his teeth] You will leave that man alone. He is a musical treasure.
- Nostalgia Critic: I will for now, Kyle. But my collection of Colm Wilkinson funny voices will not go untouched.
- Nostalgia Critic: So, final thoughts on the movie?
- Paw: Well, I think it's great. It did a wonderful job to update the musical, as well as adapt it in a way that moviegoers would enjoy. It has its problems here and there, but I think it's fantastic just to see it in movie form.
- Oancitizen: Well, I thought it was terrible. It's clumsy. It's awkward. It's full of moment upon moment that doesn't work. And it commits the biggest crime any adaptation could: It made me question whether or not the material it's adapting was that damn great to begin with.
- Oancitizen, Paw: [Leaning in on The Nostalgia Critic] Yoooouuuuu?
- Nostalgia Critic: Well, uh, as someone who enjoyed the musical but acknowledges that it had problems, I think the film is kinda similar. Some moments hit it right out of the park, and others don't even make it up to bat. So, on the whole, I'm glad I saw it. But I don't think it's great.
- Oancitizen: Wait, so it's
- [points at Paw]
- Oancitizen: like,
- [points at himself]
- Oancitizen: dislike, and
- [points at The Nostalgia Critic]
- Oancitizen: indifferent.
- Nostalgia Critic: Well, hell, that's pretty much what the rest of the critics of the world thought. There's no real majority consensus. It's one of those movies that is so hard to get a fix on that pretty much everybody had a different reaction to it.
- Paw: Well, what the hell kind of a conclusion is that?
- Oancitizen: We need *some* kind of opinion to force on the viewers
- Paw: Yeah.
- [last lines]
- Katara: Hello, Critic. We're Waterbenders.
- Nostalgia Critic: Ohh, look, I'm not really into new-age religion. Pretty much they all tell me I'm still going to hell.
- Sokka: No no, we're not here for that. I'm Sokka, and this is my sister Katara.
- Nostalgia Critic: Well obviously! And, uh, what's your guys' story?
- Katara: Well, I am the motherly, emotionally center.
- Sokka: And I'm funny!
- Nostalgia Critic: Uh huh, well look, can you two freaks waterbend the hell outta here?
- [Katara begins to bloodbend The Nostalgia Critic. She moves her arms so he is under her control. She makes him beat himself in head repeatedly]
- Katara: Not until you save the franchise.
- Nostalgia Critic: Franchise! What franchise?
- Sokka: There is a great evil that has damaged our world, and only you can restore balance.
- Nostalgia Critic: What are you talking about?
- Nostalgia Critic: Jesus, guy, take a few steps back! I can see the scenery you've been chewing between your teeth!