Hot in Cleveland (TV Series)

The One with George Clooney (2014)

Valerie Bertinelli: Melanie Moretti

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Policeman : 'Kay, ladies, you see the perpetrator in this lineup?

  Elka Ostrovsky : Could number four take his shirt off?

  Policeman : Why?

  Elka Ostrovsky : Why not? It's my tax dollars, right?

  Melanie Moretti : It's number three.

  Policeman : Number three step forward.

  Victoria Chase : He's the one.

  Melanie Moretti : Definitely.

  Joy Scroggs : Dirty, rotten bastard.

  Elka Ostrovsky : Fine; he can take his shirt off too.

• Victoria Chase : I know that it's common for a woman to start losing her memory in her early forties.

  Elka Ostrovsky : You've already forgotten your age.

  Victoria Chase : I was born in 1968.

  Melanie Moretti : But I thought you were born in 1969.

  Victoria Chase : Oh my God, I've forgotten my fake age.

• Melanie Moretti : I put in an application for him, and they're going to send over a home inspector next week to see if we're dog worthy. So we have *got* to be good because everybody wants him.

  Victoria Chase : Well, what to we do? Who do we pay? Who does Joy sleep with?

  Melanie Moretti : No, things like money and sexual favors aren't going to do the trick.

  Joy Scroggs : Wow. We really aren't in L.A. any more.

• [last lines] 

  Melanie Moretti : Guess who gave George Clooney a bath!

  [enters carrying the dog] 

  Joy Scroggs : Oh, I'm so glad we picked a good name for him. Now we can all honestly say we've slept with George Clooney.

  Melanie Moretti : Just remember he's a dog, not a person; we don't want to become those wacky, middle-aged women whose lives revolve around their pets.

  Elka Ostrovsky : Then I guess you don't want to see him in this.

  [holds up a doggie chef outfit] 

  Victoria Chase : Dear God, that's cute.

  Joy Scroggs : It's adorable. Put it on him now.

  Melanie Moretti : No, seriously, put it on him.

  [hands George Clooney to Elka] 

  Melanie Moretti : now.