Family Guy (TV Series)

A Fistful of Meg (2013)

Seth Green: Chris Griffin, Neil Goldman, Jock #1

Photos 

Quotes 

• Meg Griffin : [accidentally spilling some of her lunch on Mike]  Oh, my god! I'm so sorry!

  Michael Pulaski : What's your name, dude?

  Chris Griffin : [off-screen]  Meg Griffin!

  Michael Pulaski : [grabbing her]  3:00, Friday. I will destroy you.

  Meg Griffin : [Chris approaches]  Chris, you have my back, right?

  Chris Griffin : I don't know. Let me check.

  [lifting his shirt] 

  Chris Griffin : Yeah.

  Meg Griffin : Okay, I'm gonna need it for the fight.

  [he peels it off] 

• Neil Goldman : The best way to disarm a bully is to befriend him. Watch and learn.

  [approaching Mike] 

  Neil Goldman : Hey, what's up, my main man? Listen, if you ever need the scoop on the local babe scene, just ask.

  Michael Pulaski : [disinterested]  Yeah, I'll do that.

  [grabbing him by the throat, Mike folds him like a balloon animal, rubs him on his head and sticks him onto a locker via static electricity, then pops him with a knife] 

  Neil Goldman : Awesome.

• Glenn Quagmire : Over the years, I've tested the limits of the human body. How much it can stuff in, swallow, or choke on. How a scrotum can be stretched into a makeshift sail if stranded at sea. All this knowledge is gonna help you win your fight.

  Meg Griffin : Oh, thanks, Mr. Quagmire. I'll take any help I can get. I haven't been this scared since my dad stopped showering for six months.

  Chris Griffin : [cutaway to the Griffins eating dinner]  Great meat loaf, mom.

  Lois Griffin : Thanks, honey.

  Peter Griffin : [as a giant pile of garbage]  Hungry! Pour food on my pile!

  Lois Griffin : Okay, Peter, here you go.

  Peter Griffin : Mmm. I will assimilate this new smell into the larger borg of my smells.

• Brian Griffin : Hello? Cynthia! Oh, my God! So good to hear from you!

  [Peter sneaks into the lounge room, naked] 

  Brian Griffin : Sure, I can talk. I'm just sitting out here in the open.

  [snickering] 

  Brian Griffin : My car? It's a Prius.

  [chuckles] 

  Brian Griffin : I wouldn't say I'm specifically a hero for driving one. The heroes are the ones who come back from lraq and drive a Prius.

  [Peter leaps in front of the couch] 

  Peter Griffin : Gotcha!

  [finds a Snoopy doll with a tape recorder playing Brian's voice on it] 

  Peter Griffin : Wha... What the hell?

  Brian Griffin : Hey! You looking for me?

  [Brian, his fur all shaved, stands before Peter] 

  Peter Griffin : [cringes at the sight of Brian]  Oh, God! What the hell is that?

  Brian Griffin : What's wrong? You look uncomfortable. Here, let me give you a hug.

  [approaches Peter with his arms out] 

  Peter Griffin : [backs away from Brian in disgust]  Aah! Get away from me, you gremlin!

  [falls backwards against the wall and Brian climbs onto Peter's chest and hugs him] 

  Peter Griffin : Aah! No!

  Brian Griffin : Why don't you rub my belly, pal?

  [rubs Peter's hand over his six nipples, Peter whimpers and wails in disgust as he felt Brian's nipples] 

  Peter Griffin : Your skin is so loose and wrinkly! It's like I'm just pushing around a plastic bag full of chicken bones! Ugh! Why do you have so many nipples?

  Brian Griffin : You gonna put your clothes on?

  Peter Griffin : Yes! Yes! I swear! You gonna keep 'em on? Yes, I promise! I'll never bother you again with my body!

  [breaks down crying] 

  Peter Griffin : Please, just make this stop!

  Brian Griffin : Good.

  [Chris walks into the room] 

  Chris Griffin : Dad, can you give me a ride to the... ?

  [screams when he sees Brian naked on Peter] 

  Chris Griffin : What is that thing?

  [scratches his eyes out] 

  Chris Griffin : Aah! Make it go away!

  [falls to the ground whimpering] 

  Chris Griffin : [Lois walks in with a basket of laundry] 

  Lois Griffin : What's going on in here?

  [sees Brain naked on Peter's chest, Peter whimpering and Chris crying] 

  Lois Griffin : Oh, my God, is that a fucking rat? Peter, hold it down, I'm getting the gun!