- Bo Dennis: Okay, look you have to listen to me. This is going to sound outrageous but you must believe me.
- Fitzpatrick 'Trick' McCorrigan: [Drunk] Of course. You're my grand-dubus. My succu-daughter.
- Tamsin: I told my self I was powerless to refuse this beast so I accepted his bounty to find a woman. I took comfort that the girl he described couldn't possibly exist. Eyes both brown and blue. Virtuous, yet lustful. Neither Dark nor Light, yet both.
- Kenzi Malikov: A little, ya know, first-time-with-a-Fae-box from Bo.
- [Pulls out a pack of condoms]
- William 'Hale' Santiago: Okay... Oh wow. That's prepared.
- Kenzi Malikov: We've got edible, non-edible, fat-free, firm, fire-proof, fig flavoured...
- Dyson Thornwood: Back then, Krampus would beat you with a stick before he threw you in his sack.
- Bo Dennis: If I may Kenzi in her absence: who's got "cramped-ass"?
- William 'Hale' Santiago: *Kram-pus*.
- Dyson Thornwood: Are those are Yule candies for Krampus? You're gonna be on his naughty list.
- Bo Dennis: Oh bitch, I *am* the naughty list.
- Vex: So what does the genius get, you know, who organized this little Kumbaya?
- Lauren Lewis: You get your hand re-attached. By me. Right now.
- Dyson Thornwood: Drunken' surgery! I'll be the nurse.
- Fitzpatrick 'Trick' McCorrigan: Yule is a sacred celebration of contrition, not some Franken-holiday concocted to sell melon ballers.
- Kenzi Malikov: You have Rudolph on your sweater.
- Fitzpatrick 'Trick' McCorrigan: It's Eikpyrnir, the stag!
- Kenzi Malikov: He has a Red Nose! It's Rudolph.
- Choga: You got the disease, Choga got the cure. It's cash only but uh, for you, Choga work something out.
- Bo Dennis: What is a Choga?
- Choga: Man, how you don't know Choga? I'm side to side, up and down the dial, yo. So, uh, tick tock, you wanna ride the dragon or what?
- Bo Dennis: Was any of that English?
- Tamsin: In about three seconds Fugly over there calls Brunette by the wrong name.
- Fugly: You're so hot, Christie.
- Bottle Brunette: [Slaps him] That's not my name!
- Fugly: Oh... Carrie.
- Bottle Brunette: [Slaps him again] It's Jeanette.
- Fugly: I was way off.
- Bo Dennis: Okay, we're in a time loop the walls are eating people, help!
- Fitzpatrick 'Trick' McCorrigan: Oh, this this is bad.
- Bo Dennis: What? Una Mens bad? Smoke-nappers bad? Six more weeks of winter bad?
- Bo Dennis: I see you and Hale worked things out.
- Kenzi Malikov: Oh sister please, I never kiss and tell... within earshot. Or do-everything-and-tell; and trust me we did *everything*.
- Tamsin: I'm the reason the Wanderer found you. In a previous life I hunted Fae fugitives for a price. I was a Valkyrie. I was the best. And I was greedy. One look into his eyes and I knew I'd never really met true evil. Not until then.
- Dyson Thornwood: What are we doing with Bo's box?
- Lauren Lewis: Well obviously we can't give it to her.
- Dyson Thornwood: Why obviously?
- Lauren Lewis: Because Dyson, if I said green, you'd say purple, to get my goat.
- Dyson Thornwood: I don't want your goat. I can get any goat I want. I'm a good goat-catcher
- Jeffrey: This is the belly of Yule. This is where sour becomes sweet. And naughty becomes nice.
- Bo Dennis: Uh, no this is where the succubus goes Bad Santa on your badly camouflaged ass. Because all this? This is just Bad Christmas!
- Jeffrey: Blasphemer! The Valkyrie is mine by the ancient laws of Yule.
- Bo Dennis: Oh, yeah? Well by the powers vested in me by merry old Saint Nick, I say she's coming with me.
- Jeffrey: You call this a Yule party? No fruit? No offerings to Vanir? No wassailing. And this... this has no business here
- [Pulls a reindeer decoration off the wall]
- Kenzi Malikov: Oh now we gettin' all up in each other's business?
- Jeffrey: This mangy cur is not Eikpyrnir, the stag. It's Rudolph!
- Kenzi Malikov: I knew it! Trick has got to hear this.
- Bo Dennis: Something is going on, we're in danger, it could be Una Mens.
- Tamsin: We've tried this already. And nobody is taking us seriously.
- William 'Hale' Santiago: Nah, Una Mens ain't dumb enough to cause trouble on Yule. Hell, they're probably off playing kissyface under the mistletoe.
- [Slight pause]
- William 'Hale' Santiago: Please don't tell them I said that.