Christmas Cruelty! (2013)

Tormod Lien: Serial-Santa

Quotes 

• Serial-Santa : I want to ride the fire truck.

• Serial-Santa : Okay, let's get started.

  Victim #2 : No! No!... No!

  Serial-Santa : Your mother is delish.

• Serial-Santa : Might as well do the smallest one first.

• Torgeir : When they came to Iceland, a guy was waiting with a sign. It read "Tussa Kraft". But you see... They didn't think much about it. They got on the bus and went to the hotel where they wanted to have a beer. When they got into the pub, one of the bar maids rushed out... Phhssj! The other one just giggled. You know. She served the beers and gave them what they wanted. Then it was time to get something to eat. They had a reserved table. When they got to the table, there was a sign there. "Reserved for the company whose name we cannot write". They had to ask what was going on. "Tussa" means... "pussy"... And "kraft" means "juice". Imagine how awkward! All right. Have a good night.

  Serial-Santa : Good night...

• Daughter : "This stable is the answer to my prayer. This is where my son will be born".

  Serial-Santa : "He shall not feel the cold bite. Because his heavenly father will shine his light".

  Daughter : Do you know this nativity play?

  Serial-Santa : Sure. Christmas is really a Viking tradition. It was a 13 day long celebration with mead and sacrificing animals. So if you want to celebrate Christmas you should do it the Viking way.

  Daughter : Says you, who didn't even let me go to Emma's party! We were only going to watch Twilight and drink soda.

• Wife : Can I pass you something?

  Serial-Santa : How about some blood red sauce? Are you thinking about Christmas?

  Wife : A lot of secrets.

  Serial-Santa : But that's Christmas. Perhaps you've got some secrets too?

  Wife : That may be. How about you?

  Serial-Santa : Yeah.

• Serial-Santa : So it won't be a late night?

  Wife : Not for me, no. I think I'll turn in now.

  Serial-Santa : Really?

  Wife : Yes. Are you coming?

  Serial-Santa : I have to take care of something first. I can't stop thinking about a poor girl and a guy in a wheelchair. They are going to have a horrible Christmas. I have to contribute in my own way, so they don't have to worry about the new year at least.

  Wife : You're so sweet.

  Serial-Santa : I'm not that sweet.

• Serial-Santa : Ho-ho-ho! Who's been good this year?

  Boybandreka : I have been good!

  Serial-Santa : Let's see if we can find you a hard present?

• Serial-Santa : Damn it! Just when we were having such a good time!

• Thomas : Are you partying tonight! Don't you have work tomorrow?

  Serial-Santa : It's not much of a party.

  Thomas : It will pick up now that we are here.

  Serial-Santa : Ho-ho-ho!

• Serial-Santa : A kiss?

• Serial-Santa : This is too much!

• Serial-Santa : Do you want a sandwich? Don't worry, I'm not gonna force you.

• Serial-Santa : You got brittle bone disease, right? I have to try something.

• Serial-Santa : Does Jan Thomas live here? There are no fucking tools in this fucking faggot apartment! This won't be any good for either of us!

• Serial-Santa : Give me the code, or I'll skin the remaining girl alive!

  Per-Ingvar : Fshmmfsh.

  Serial-Santa : Speak up!

  Per-Ingvar : Four, seven, four, seven.

  Serial-Santa : 4747?

  Per-Ingvar : Yes.

• Solveig : Hi there!

  Serial-Santa : Merry Christmas!

  Solveig : How can I help you?

  Serial-Santa : I need something for a guy in a wheelchair.

  Solveig : Do you have anything special in mind?

  Serial-Santa : Well, I was thinking maybe... a chainsaw.

  Solveig : Right. Come with me. Here are the two models we stock. We've got this piece of crap. A hobby model if want to trim bushes. And if you actually get it to start, you're really lucky. But this one... This is the bestseller. Hooper 7400. A spectacular saw. This was our bestseller this autumn. You can fell and declimb with it. This is a great all-rounder.

  Serial-Santa : Is it ready for use?

  Solveig : All you need is petrol. It's a two-stroke-engine, so you need petrol with oil.

  Serial-Santa : I'll take it!

  Solveig : It's 4999. Does he have the necessary protective gear? Protective pants and boots?

  Serial-Santa : He don't use his legs anyway.

  Solveig : I understand, but I have to ask.

• Chainsaw salesman : Chainsaw and petrol. 4999 for the saw and 169 for the petrol. But since it's Christmas, let's say 5000. Card?

  Serial-Santa : Yes.

  Chainsaw salesman : Pin code and enter. Receipt?

  Serial-Santa : No.

  Chainsaw salesman : Anything else?

  Serial-Santa : No. Merry Christmas!

  Chainsaw salesman : Merry Christmas yourself. What do you give me?

• Serial-Santa : Hi, princess! Yes... Daddy's coming home soon. I just have to finish this guy off.