- Calamity Joe: A Zombie kit... shotgun, machete, some Bactine®. It's a side business. I make up these knapsacks for the Zombie Apocalypse. You know... in case the dead come back to life and world gets all "dog-eat-dog."
- Lorne Malvo: It's already "dog-eat-dog," friend. Not sure what worse a bunch of zombies could do.
- Molly Solverson: Hey, have you ever heard of a spider laying eggs in a person's neck? Friend of mine said it happened to a friend of hers. He said they were... He was sleeping, and all these baby spider just ran right out. Not sure I want to live in a world where something like that can happen to a person.
- Gus Grimly: Duluth P.D.?
- Gus Grimly: Yes, sir.
- Lou Solverson: You associated with Ben Schmidt? Think he's a lieutenant now.
- Gus Grimly: Yes, sir, he's my boss.
- Lou Solverson: Kind of a prick.
- Gus Grimly: That's the one.
- Lou Solverson: [Serving 3 milkshakes to the table] I put bourbon in one of them. Whoever finds it wins a prize.
- Molly Solverson: He's only kidding.
- [Takes a sip]
- Molly Solverson: Oh wait. No, I win.
- Lou Solverson: You're gonna look through every goddamn mug book in the state.
- Gus Grimly: Yes, sir.
- Lou Solverson: And you're gonna find this guy.
- Gus Grimly: Yes, sir.
- Lou Solverson: And you're gonna call Bemidji and you're gonna tell THEM that you screwed up. You! Absolving the rest of us of any dip shittery.
- Gus Grimly: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.