Silicon Valley (TV Series)

The Lady (2015)

Thomas Middleditch: Richard Hendricks

Photos 

Quotes 

• Richard Hendricks : It says here on your resume that from 2010 to 2011 you "crushed it"?

  Crushing Applicant : That's actually an old resume. It should also read that I crushed it from 2013 to present.

  Donald 'Jared' Dunn : So are we to understand that you did not "crush it" in 2012?

  Crushing Applicant : There was a medical situation preventing me from crushing it to my usual standards. So I had to take some time off until I was able to crush it at 100%, at which point I resumed crushing it full-time.

• Richard Hendricks : So it says here that you're proficient in C++, code assembly for multiple processor architectures, and... that you are a cyborg?

  Jared Patakian : That is correct short for cybernetic organism. I came into this world of filth and pain with a congenital heart condition, requiring the installation of a pacemaker, upon which I am mortally dependent.

  Donald 'Jared' Dunn : Wow, he's technically a cyborg.

  Richard Hendricks : Yeah, yeah. Makes the resume accurate.

  Jared Patakian : Look, we all know that I can make a shitload more money working for some multi-colored Happy Town in a hermetically-sealed box. But permission to be honest?

  [Looks at Richard] 

  Richard Hendricks : Permission granted.

  Donald 'Jared' Dunn : [There's a pause while he stares at Donald]  Oh. granted.

  Jared Patakian : I like that you guys are so weird.

• Richard Hendricks : You know, this Patakian guy is definitely on some end of some spectrum, but he is a full-stack engineer. I mean, I'm sold. Jared, what do you think?

  Donald 'Jared' Dunn : Well, he's qualified and he definitely seemed interested. It's a programmer's market right now. I think if we like him, we should pursue him aggressively. My only concern here, and it's a small one, um, he's also named Jared. Will it be confusing with two Jareds? If we hire him, I can always go back to my real name Donald.

  Bertram Gilfoyle : No, that's too big a hassle. We'll just go with "Other Jared".

  Dinesh Chugtai : OJ, for short.

  Donald 'Jared' Dunn : I know a name is just a sound somebody makes when they need you, but shouldn't this much-newer Jared be "other Jared"?

  Bertram Gilfoyle : You should be flattered. OJ Simpson is one of the most recognizable people on the face of the planet.

• Jared : There's a distinct over-representation of men in this company. Look around. I think it would behoove us to prioritize hiring a woman.

  Gilfoyle : I disagree, OJ. We should hire the best person for the job, period.

  Dinesh : And Carla is one of the best.

  Jared : Right, let me rephrase: I think having a woman in the company is important but hiring someone only because they're a woman is bad. I would never compromise Pied Piper.

  Richard : Okay, just to be clear, our top priority is to hire the most qualified person available, right?

  Jared : Of course.

  Dinesh : But would be better if that someone was a woman even though the "woman" part of that statement is irrelevant?

  Jared : Exactly. It's like we're the Beatles and now we just need Yoko.

  Dinesh : That's the worst example you could have used.

• Erlich Bachman : I like this painting. Is it sperm?

  Russ Hanneman : No, three commas. Know what has three commas in it, Richard?

  Richard : Uh, a sentence with two appositive phrases in it?

  Russ Hanneman : No, a billion dollars. Yeah, I'm in the three-comma club. You know, you play your cards right, you could be in the three-comma club, too. But probably not. But you could be. Probably not.