[first lines]
Mike J.: Hello, I'm a British person, and do you know what's worse than a bad American Pie spin-off? A bad American Pie rip-off. Don't get me wrong, I love watching the trials and tribulations of teenage boys as they try to cop off with girls; but at least do that while attempting to be funny. And by that, I don't mean have a monkey ejaculate in a disabled boy's face! Seriously, why? Apparently, National Lampoon's Barely Legal - or After School Special, as it's also known - needed to exist. There was somebody out there who thought that this was a thing that needed to happen. So, let's get on with it.
[sighs]