- [Andrew Maplin, the curate, is known to have very hard-line, intolerant views about Christianity and was vigorously opposed to Gideon's magic show in the church. Andrew, the vicar and the choir are standing outside the church singing a hymn]
- DCI John Barnaby: That must be Andrew Maplin standing next to the vicar.
- DS Charlie Nelson: He's been busy posting comments on Gideon's website - real fire and brimstone stuff.
- DCI John Barnaby: [sarcastically] We'll talk to him when he's finished singing about love and mercy.
- Andrew Maplin: A judgement from God. On you. For polluting his house.
- Magnus Soane: God works in mysterious ways, Andrew. But are you *really* suggesting this tragedy is His doing?
- Andrew Maplin: This village has a dark present. And an even darker past.If the battle to bring it into the light requires violence and suffering, then so be it.
- Magnus Soane: Well, I'm sorry. I can't carry on working with someone who worships such a petty, vindictive, unimaginative God such as yours. I'm sure there are parishes crying out for your... rigorous brand of Christianity, but it has no place in Midsomer Oaks.
- [Barnaby has been minding their baby while Sarah was out]
- Sarah Barnaby: So, how did you get on?
- DCI John Barnaby: Betty finished her bottle, and Sykes enjoyed his bone. Or was it the other way round?
- DCI John Barnaby: On the whole, Nelson, I'm glad your parents didn't encourage you to pursue a career in magic.
- DS Charlie Nelson: It's never too late for a change of direction, sir.
- [last lines]
- DCI John Barnaby: [Sykes pulls down an empty tray] Oh, Sykesie, what are you doing? Come h- Sykes. Sykes.
- [Sykes grabs sausage links]
- Sarah Barnaby: It's the art of misdirection canine style.
- DCI John Barnaby: [chasing Sykes] Sykesie, come back with those sausages! Sykesie!
- [first lines]
- Magnus Soane: Very good.
- Andrew Maplin: This is an ungodly outrage.
- Magnus Soane: Oh, dear.