- Sam Healy: Words like "always" are absolutes, and using them is a way to reinforce what we wanna believe. When speaking emotionally, absolutes can be dangerous.
- Eliqua Maxwell: Unless you're working, out. Everybody out. I gave you an order, inmate.
- Alex Vause: I need permission to use the toilet? May I relieve myself, teacher?
- Eliqua Maxwell: Excuse me?
- Piper Chapman: Alex.
- Eliqua Maxwell: That's a shot.
- Alex Vause: What? There are girls spraying themselves with disinfectant because this prison is swarming with bugs, but pissing is a violation? Great. I'm glad you have your priorities straight. Where are the fucking fumigators?
- Eliqua Maxwell: Lower your voice, Inmate.
- Alex Vause: Are they too worried to kill the bedbugs because they'll kill the cockroaches, too?
- Eliqua Maxwell: Are you calling me a cockroach?
- Alex Vause: It's okay. They get a bad rap.
- Piper Chapman: Alex.
- Eliqua Maxwell: You're going to seg, inmate.
- Piper Chapman: Alex! No, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know that this isn't her. She's just back here after having been out.
- Eliqua Maxwell: You want a shot, too, Chapman?
- Piper Chapman: Will it keep her out of SHU? Please. Come on. Hey, haven't you ever had a bad day? Like, a really really bad day?
- Joe Caputo: I asked you more than once to stay away from her, and yet, with the whole dorm half-naked, here you are. I'm writing you up, Bennett.
- John Bennett: Mendez's mother is meeting with Aleida Diaz.
- Joe Caputo: I don't care, and neither should you.
- John Bennett: That's my kid we're talking about here.
- Joe Caputo: This is not '"3 Men and a Baby." You and Mendez are not Guttenberg and Selleck. You are two morons and a ward of the state. Let go. Let go of the dream.
- [the inmates are in their underwear after a bed bug infestation has rendered their uniforms unwearable. CO Maxwell holds up a blue paper uniform]
- Joe Caputo: Until every uniform in this prison is washed and rewashed, you will be wearing Office Depot's new fall line.
- Marisol 'Flaca' Gonzales: I ain't wearing that fucking paper shit!
- Maritza Ramos: That's my color. I'm wearing it.
- Aleida Diaz: They probably been living in your hairy Chia Pet poon since before you got here.
- Marisol 'Flaca' Gonzales: First of all, I keep my lawn mowed. Second, weren't no problems till Pocket Daya snuck in last week to follow in the family footsteps.