Family Guy (TV Series)

Brian the Closer (2014)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin, Glenn Quagmire

Photos 

Quotes 

• Glenn Quagmire : [Looking at Brian after his accident]  Your face looks like a used condom.

• Glenn Quagmire : I think you're misunderstanding me.

  Brian Griffin : No, I'm serious. Even though I know you never liked me, you still helped me when I really needed it. That says a lot about your character. I'm ashamed of myself because I am none of the things you are. You're honest and direct and compassionate...

  [his phone rings] 

  Brian Griffin : and, that is 72 hours! ENJOY YOUR CRAPHOLE, DUMBASS!

  Glenn Quagmire : [outraged]  YOU SON OF A BITCH!

  [knocks out Brian's teeth with the base of a lamp] 

• TV announcer : Today's feature presentation of Glory will not be seen.

  Peter Griffin : What I love that movie. Oh Man that's going to leave a big hole in their line up. What's going to fill the Glory hole?

  TV announcer : In place of Glory we will be showing Shaft, staring Richard Roundtree.

  Peter Griffin : What you can't just shove Shaft in the Glory hole!

  Brian Griffin : Yeah I know, It would be better to put in that movie about the two girls who meet Nixon. What that movie called? Dick - Dick would slide right into that Glory hole.

  Peter Griffin : No Dick is to short for that Glory hole. But if you also put in Edward Furlong's movie Pecker - you got Pecker and Dick in the Glory hole, and you got a tight squeeze but it ought to fit.

• Brian Griffin : You got an account with a dentist?

  Glenn Quagmire : He sells me Nitrous at wholesale and I bang his wife.

  Brian Griffin : Those both sound like things for you.