- Peter Griffin: [to Lois] We'll be back with a turkey faster than you can say, "Jack Robinson."
- Lois Griffin: Jack Ro...
- [slurs]
- Lois Griffin: Jack Ro...
- [slurs]
- Peter Griffin: She had a stroke that killed the part of her brain that says, "Jack Robinson." We got plenty of time.
- Peter Griffin: Brian, maybe you should be a little less mad at me and a little more mad at the guys growing mustaches for this month.
- Brian Griffin: Hey, don't mock Mo-vember. Last year, I raised eight dollars and got on a BuzzFeed listicle.
- Peter Griffin: No! You use real words! Internet stuff is not real words.
- Brian Griffin: Peter, what the hell? You chose a turkey over me? I almost died!
- Peter Griffin: I swear to God I thought dogs could breathe underwater.
- Lois Griffin: Peter, we have people coming over and they're expecting a turkey!
- Peter Griffin: If they're expecting a turkey, I'll just put on "Evan Almighty"! Zap!
- Brian Griffin: Peter, do you not see that we are completely screwed here? And it's all thanks to you! You drove my car into a lake, you almost let me drown, you got us thrown off a bus, you broke our bike and now you've gotten our turkey stolen and Thanksgiving is ruined and we don't have any transportation and we're still miles from home!
- Peter Griffin: You're starting to get black gums like an older dog.
- Brian Griffin: You know what? You know what? Maybe it's my fault. I forgot, I'm talking to a complete idiot. You are so stupid!
- Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah? Well, if I'm so stupid, then how did I manage to frame you for eating the turkey?
- Brian Griffin: What?
- Peter Griffin: Yeah! Didn't you notice you were passed out in all those photos? You didn't eat any of it. I just posed you like that because I didn't want to take all the blame.
- Brian Griffin: You son of a bitch! How could you do that to me?
- Peter Griffin: You're a dog, Brian. I can throw you off a bridge and as long as I don't hit a person on a boat, it's okay.
- Lois Griffin: Chris, are Brian or your Father back yet?
- Chris Griffin: No, and why are you saying the dogs name before dads?
- Stewie Griffin: It's weird. That is weird, You're right.