Quotes
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Commissioner Mick Foley : As we're all aware, Stone Cold Steve Austin was run over by an automobile last November. Now, presently I have been conducting my own investigation, Steve Austin has been conducting his own investigation. It just seems to me that in the history of crime and punishment, no legal matter has ever been solved with a Stone Cold Stunner. But apparently, this is Steve Austin's way, so last Thursday, I told him the Stunners would not be tolerated, and then I used a couple of strong words. I said, "Stop performing the Stunner, or else." Then on Thursday night, Steve Austin responded to my promise with the following videotape. Please take a look.
[on the TitanTron, two clips from "SmackDown!" are played]
Commissioner Mick Foley : Steve Austin interfered in not one title match, costing the Road Dogg a chance at the hardcore championship, but a second title match by Stunning both X-Pac and Al Snow in a European title match. Then he walks up to me as I try to find out what the hell is going on, and he's disrespectful. So, now what I'd like to do is give Steve Austin a chance to come out here and explain his actions, and I'm hoping, like most of you are, that we can come out of this with a very happy ending. So without further ado, Stone Cold, why don't you come on out here?
[the crowd erupts as Austin's music hits and he comes out to the ring]
Commissioner Mick Foley : Steve, I understand that you have yourself a little problem with authority figures, but, hell, I'm just the commissioner, I'm not necessarily your enemy. I am not Vince McMahon. I am very aware of your feelings about Vince McMahon. Hell, the Vince McMahon/Austin feud helped make the WWF what it is today. But look at me, Steve. I don't have Vince McMahon's money, I don't have Vince's suits, I damn sure don't have his hairstyle, I don't even have Vince McMahon's guns. But you gotta understand this, as commissioner, when I make a promise, I need to keep it or else I might as well not even be in the damn ring. Now, I understand you got run over by an automobile, I understand you're a little bit pissed off. You are free to conduct your investigation any way you see fit. But I need to have your word on this matter, and that word is you will not interfere in matches again.
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin : You see, that's where we got the biggest problem of the night, right here. You keep saying that you're trying to help me, you make all these promises; oh, you're gonna help Stone Cold out with the investigation, you're gonna get the bottom of it. "Hold back, Stone Cold, don't Stun anybody." You ain't proved a damn thing but sit on your ass to me. And let me just go on record as saying how lackadaisical and how laughable your actions have been as far as trying to help Stone Cold. Over the weekend, I was sitting at the house in front of a pile of empty beer cans, and a commercial came on the TV and it got me to thinking, I said, "Yeah, maybe I need to go outside to get some help." So it might... might not have been a very good decision at the time, but I picked up the phone, I know, yeah, I called Cleo on the psychic hotline. After about two and a half beers of listening to Cleo, I realized, one, she had a pretty cool accent, but two, Cleo didn't have a clue who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I can look in your eyes and listen to your voice and tell that you ain't got a clue, either. Meanwhile, the son of a bitch that ran Stone Cold over is in the back somewhere, and you ain't doing a damn thing about it.
Commissioner Mick Foley : You see, that's where you're wrong, Steve. That's where you're wrong. I understand, maybe my actions have seemed a little bit lackadaisical to you, so what I did, at my own expense, is I brought in a suspect who at the time was not just a suspect but a prime suspect, and I flew that damn person in with my own money. He's here tonight, and he will come out to face the music. So, Badd Ass Billy Gunn, come on out!
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Commissioner Mick Foley : Billy Gunn, let me say, first off, welcome back to the WWF. But more importantly, Foley has single-handedly solved the case, so Stone Cold, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna let you two gentlemen be alone and I'm gonna let you handle and make the verdict Stone Cold-style. Thank you very much.
Mr. Ass : [Mick leaves the ring] Now, Stone Cold Steve Austin, I've been saying this for months, and I came here face to face, man to man. It's true the night that you got ran down, I could not be accounted for. And yes, it's true at the time I was a loyal member of DX. And yes, and when you put two and two together, I am suspect number one. But, Stone Cold Steve Austin, I dd not run you down. My flight was delayed in Detroit, and that might seem a little fishy, but hell, anyone can check on that. Hell, every cop that's on the case has checked on it. But I do have some information for you. When we drove into the Joe Louis Arena, a car came hauling ass by me, and when I looked back at the footage, it was the same car that ran you down. And for that split second, I saw the driver, and that's information that you want. You see, whoever the driver was, he or she had blonde hair. Now, I'm not just saying this to tell you what you want to hear. Hell, you can ask the Brooklyn Brawler. He's the one that picked me up at the airport. And I'm not telling you this just to save DX's ass; don't get me started on that. I'm telling you this, Stone Cold, because it's the truth.
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin : Hell, that story'd bring a tear to a glass eye, son. But I could sit here and look in your eyes, and I can listen to the sound of your voice, and I believe what you're saying is true. But the bottom line is I never really liked you much, anyway.
[he gives Billy a Stunner]
