New Girl (TV Series)

Spiderhunt (2015)

Zooey Deschanel: Jess Day

Quotes 

• Jess : [thinking Cece likes Nick]  You know who's great? Cece.

  Nick Miller : One of our finest. Lovely woman.

  Jess : And she has so much to offer.

  Nick Miller : [thinking about Cece's popcorn machine idea]  Is that what this is about? She sends you to sell me on it?

  Jess : No, Nick. She doesn't know I'm talking to you at all. Wait. You guys have talked about it?

  Nick Miller : All the time. But I thought she and I had come to a decision.

  Jess : Which is?

  Nick Miller : It's not happening.

  Jess : Well, why not?

  Nick Miller : 'Cause I'm not interested. And I know it's not cool to say, but... I don't like the way it would look.

  Jess : People are gonna say what they're gonna say. They're not reasons not to go through with it.

  Nick Miller : Fine. You want to know my biggest concern? My biggest concern is the smell.

  Jess : ...The smell?

  Nick Miller : The smell of it. Yeah, and it's not Cece's fault. I mean, they all smell. I've told her that.

  Jess : You told Cece you think all women...

  Nick Miller : Don't make this a feminist thing...

  Jess : It... I'm not making it a feminist thing.

  Nick Miller : How? They smell terrible. It's common knowledge.

  Jess : I thought your biggest concern would be how it affected the people around you.

  Nick Miller : I mean, sure, a bunch of old drunks will grab at it...

  Jess : But if your biggest concern is the smell, I'm sure that's highly manageable.

  Nick Miller : Yeah, I guess there's, like, special solvents and soaps. I-I haven't read up on it that much. You know, but you got to really get in there and scrub it out. It's disgusting. You know, 'cause of the daily wear and tear and... oil and grease just cooking in there. It's enough to make a man barf thinking about it. I mean, they get really hot.

  Jess : I know what temperature it gets.

  Nick Miller : But if I'm being honest, you know, and I haven't talked to her about this, but I do have good memories associated with the smell. Ball games, the circus, hanging with my dad.

• Jess : Listen here, you idiot. I've known Cece a very long time, and I can promise you the smell will not be a problem.

  Nick Miller : That's really easy for you to say 'cause you're not the one who's gonna have to remind her to clean it all the time.

  Jess : I promise you, if it becomes a problem, I will remind her.

  Nick Miller : Well, if you remind her and she doesn't do it, I don't want you sneaking around and cleaning it yourself.

  Jess : [scoffs]  Nick! I'm a good friend, but I am not that good of a friend.