Family Guy (TV Series)
Peter's Sister (2015)
Kate McKinnon: Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo)
Photos
Quotes
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Peter Griffin : You ain't no champ! Not 'til you go through me!
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : Who the hell are you?
Peter Griffin : I'm Maxi Paddy, which is short for Maxine Patricia. I was named after my father, Maxwell Patrick. But that's enough about me. I'm here to kick your ass!
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : Get out of here! I'm not fighting some fat loser from the crowd.
Peter Griffin : Huh. It looks like this Heavy Flo is pee, because you're yellow!
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Peter Griffin : [starting the yearly family Thanksgiving football game] All right, listen up, I'm the captain. The teams are chosen by a lottery system where...
Meg Griffin : Aunt Karen, can I be on your team?
Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, yeah, me, too!
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : Uh, yeah, sure, I'll take, uh, Meg, Skinny, Hot Chocolate, and the Bus. Pee Pee, you get the crumbs. Let's go.
Stewie Griffin : All right, let's do it, Pop! I'm gonna make some sports points for you!
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : We'll kick off.
Stewie Griffin : [as she kicks off, Peter catches it] Hey, time-out. Did anyone tape the parade? Please tell me someone taped the parade!
[giving Peter a hard shoulder tackle, Karen then puts him in a wrestling submission hold]
Glenn Quagmire : Oh, my God! She's doing the Toxic Shock!
Peter Griffin : [getting to his feet after she lets him go] Y-Y-You're a j-jerk, K-K-Karen!
Cleveland Brown : What the hell was that?
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : That's his stutter. And whenever he stutters, he usually pees his pants.
Peter Griffin : N-No, I... . d-d-don't.
[doing so, he groans]
Peter Griffin : Oh...
Stewie Griffin : So this is football. I like it.
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Cleveland Brown : I know you. You're that lady wrestler.
Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's right. Hey, w-what do they call you again?
Joe Swanson : Heavy Flo. You're Heavy Flo!
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : In the flesh and blood.
Cleveland Brown : Gross.
Glenn Quagmire : Man, you're amazing. I remember when you called out Andrea the Giant the day after September 11.
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : [cut to an arena locker room, where she's cutting a promo] What just happened was a national tragedy, but it's nothing compared to what I'm gonna do to Andrea the Giant! We will never forget what happened yesterday, but you'll also never forget what's gonna happen September 17 at the Jack Witschi Sports Arena!
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Glenn Quagmire : Wow, Karen, nice to meet you. I'm Glenn Quagmire. I didn't know Peter even had a sister.
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : What are you, ashamed of me, Chin Nuts?
Glenn Quagmire : Oh, my God. His chin kind of does look like nuts.
Joe Swanson : Ha, ha! I never noticed that.
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : How could you not notice it? Watch this. I-I'll punch him in the nuts.
Glenn Quagmire : [indifferently as she punches him in the groin] Eh, sort of clever.
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Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : And then so I'm like, "Peter, how was I supposed to know you didn't want your teammates to know you wore a bra?"
Peter Griffin : [laughter from the table] It was a custom-designed sports halter top.
Glenn Quagmire : More stories! More stories!
Joe Swanson : Hey, tell one where Peter is a nincompoop or maybe a silly Billy.
[laughing]
Joe Swanson : Oh, man.
Peter Griffin : Okay, let's just carve the turkey.
Meg Griffin : Oh, Aunt Karen already carved it.
Peter Griffin : She did? But that's my thing. I always do my "Are you a leg man or a breast man?" joke.
Meg Griffin : Aunt Karen did that, too. It was hilarious.
Cleveland Brown : I never really got it until she said it.
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Lois Griffin : Peter, come say hello to your sister.
Peter Griffin : Fine. Hey, Karen, welcome to our...
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : Bring it in, Pee Pee!
[as she farts in his face, she and the rest of the family laugh]
Meg Griffin : I like her.
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Peter Griffin : [in a wrestling match with his sister] Ow! Damn it, Karen!
Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : Karen? Peter, is that you? What are you doing here?
Peter Griffin : Something I should have done a long time ago. I'm tired of you bullying me! You're going down!
[responding to a vendor in the crowd]
Peter Griffin : Butt-scratcher!
[somewhat evenly matched, she eventually locks him in the Toxic Shock]
Peter Griffin : D-D-D-Don't, K-K-Karen! N-N-No! Tell... Stewie... he's in charge of the show now.
Meg Griffin : [knocking her down with a solid chair shot] Say hello to Teen LaQueefa!
Peter Griffin : Wow, you really saved me! Thanks, stranger.
Meg Griffin : [taking off her mask] Dad, it's me.
Peter Griffin : Meg? It was you who saved me?
Meg Griffin : That's right, Dad.
Peter Griffin : Wow, e-even after all the crummy stuff I've done to you? But why?
Meg Griffin : Because you're my dad. And I couldn't stand by and watch you get hurt.
Peter Griffin : Wow. Thanks, Meg. You know, that's something even my own mom and dad never did for me. They just stood by and let Karen pick on me.