Family Guy (TV Series)

Peter's Sister (2015)

Mike Henry: Cleveland Brown, Secret Service Agent

Quotes 

• Joe Swanson : All right, Peter, your sister's the real deal. So I arranged for you to get some combat pointers from my old buddy, Steven Seagal.

  Peter Griffin : Uh, this... this fat guy?

  Joe Swanson : Yup. Go on, ask him anything.

  Peter Griffin : I... how... how did...? Uh, why-why you so fat?

  Joe Swanson : Okay, ask him about anything but his weight.

  Peter Griffin : Uh... uh, you act Asian, you look Native American, your name is possibly Jewish. What are you?

  Cleveland Brown : He fat.

• Peter Griffin : [starting the yearly family Thanksgiving football game]  All right, listen up, I'm the captain. The teams are chosen by a lottery system where...

  Meg Griffin : Aunt Karen, can I be on your team?

  Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, yeah, me, too!

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : Uh, yeah, sure, I'll take, uh, Meg, Skinny, Hot Chocolate, and the Bus. Pee Pee, you get the crumbs. Let's go.

  Stewie Griffin : All right, let's do it, Pop! I'm gonna make some sports points for you!

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : We'll kick off.

  Stewie Griffin : [as she kicks off, Peter catches it]  Hey, time-out. Did anyone tape the parade? Please tell me someone taped the parade!

  [giving Peter a hard shoulder tackle, Karen then puts him in a wrestling submission hold] 

  Glenn Quagmire : Oh, my God! She's doing the Toxic Shock!

  Peter Griffin : [getting to his feet after she lets him go]  Y-Y-You're a j-jerk, K-K-Karen!

  Cleveland Brown : What the hell was that?

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : That's his stutter. And whenever he stutters, he usually pees his pants.

  Peter Griffin : N-No, I... . d-d-don't.

  [doing so, he groans] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh...

  Stewie Griffin : So this is football. I like it.

• Cleveland Brown : I know you. You're that lady wrestler.

  Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's right. Hey, w-what do they call you again?

  Joe Swanson : Heavy Flo. You're Heavy Flo!

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : In the flesh and blood.

  Cleveland Brown : Gross.

  Glenn Quagmire : Man, you're amazing. I remember when you called out Andrea the Giant the day after September 11.

  Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : [cut to an arena locker room, where she's cutting a promo]  What just happened was a national tragedy, but it's nothing compared to what I'm gonna do to Andrea the Giant! We will never forget what happened yesterday, but you'll also never forget what's gonna happen September 17 at the Jack Witschi Sports Arena!

• Cleveland Brown : All right, Peter, most professional wrestlers become addicted to painkillers at some point. So I figure, why don't we just start now?

  Peter Griffin : Uh... okay, yeah, I'm in.

  [Cleveland passes them out] 

  Peter Griffin : Where you getting all these?

  Cleveland Brown : Stepdaughter's purse. Ain't my problem.

  [the guys ingest them; a few moments later, they're all obviously stoned] 

  Cleveland Brown : Man, I love putting my hand down my pants when I'm on drugs.

  Peter Griffin : We should just go live on a boat in some guy's backyard.

  Glenn Quagmire : So, you gonna do that wrestling stuff?

  Peter Griffin : [holding up the bottle of pills]  Nah, I'm gonna stick with these. I would crime for more of these.

• Glenn Quagmire : Hey, Karen, later you got to show us some of your wrestling holds.

  Cleveland Brown : Yeah, what's that trademark finishing move of yours?

  Joe Swanson : The Toxic Shock.

  Glenn Quagmire : Oh, yeah, that move is badass! You're awesome. Know what else is awesome? This stuffing.

  Lois Griffin : Thank you, Glenn.

  Glenn Quagmire : You're welcome. I'm in a good mood.

• Karen Griffin (Heavy Flo) : And then so I'm like, "Peter, how was I supposed to know you didn't want your teammates to know you wore a bra?"

  Peter Griffin : [laughter from the table]  It was a custom-designed sports halter top.

  Glenn Quagmire : More stories! More stories!

  Joe Swanson : Hey, tell one where Peter is a nincompoop or maybe a silly Billy.

  [laughing] 

  Joe Swanson : Oh, man.

  Peter Griffin : Okay, let's just carve the turkey.

  Meg Griffin : Oh, Aunt Karen already carved it.

  Peter Griffin : She did? But that's my thing. I always do my "Are you a leg man or a breast man?" joke.

  Meg Griffin : Aunt Karen did that, too. It was hilarious.

  Cleveland Brown : I never really got it until she said it.