- Sy Feltz: We're in trouble here. Enemies are at the gates... inside the gates! Fornicating with our cookware!
- Nikki Swango: [to Ray] You have made me the happiest woman ever.
- [puts on "hooker wig"]
- Nikki Swango: Now let's make a sex tape.
- Meemo: He said pretty girls should only open their mouths when they see a dick.
- Nikki Swango: Oh... And, just so I'm clear, which one of you is the dick?
- V.M. Varga: A fat woman is inherently untrustworthy as she is a sensualist who sees no real difference between a pastrami sandwich and a dick in the mouth.
- V.M. Varga: You have... a fat wife.
- Sy Feltz: Excuse me?
- V.M. Varga: Which part of what I just said is giving you trouble?
- V.M. Varga: Do you know what a chicken is?
- Sy Feltz: What?
- Sy Feltz: A chicken. Do you know what a chicken is?
- Sy Feltz: [stares in shock]
- V.M. Varga: A chicken... Is an egg's way of making another egg. You see, it's all a matter of perspective. The chicken sees it one way, the egg another. So let's start again. This is not your office, just as your wife would not be your wife if I came to her in the night with a platter of cold cuts.