The Hatton Garden Job (2017)

David Calder: Terry Perkins

Quotes 

• [Terry is telling a long joke about a man who is walking on a pier when he meets an attractive woman in a wheelchair. She is crying. She tells him that she has never been hugged, so he hugs her. She tells him that she has never been kissed, so he kisses her] 

  Terry Perkins : This bird should be floating on air, right. But no...

  Kenny Collins : She's crying again.

  Terry Perkins : Bingo! Floods of it. Now, look, this bloke's getting a bit frustrated, now, isn't he? I mean, he's just spent five minutes of his life on this, which he's not going to get back, and he still hasn't managed to cheer her up!

  Danny Jones : I know the feeling.

  Terry Perkins : So he asks her again, "Now, come on, darling. What's the matter with you? What are you crying about?" There's a pause. Then she looks up to him and she says, "Well, I've never been fucked."

  Kenny Collins : So? What? What happened? What does he do?

  Terry Perkins : Well, beautiful night, huh? No-one around, empty pier. What do you think he's going to do, eh? Yeah, he pushes her off the end of the pier, she drops down into the drink 50 foot. He looks over - there she is, bobbing up and down in the wheelchair like a cork. And he calls out to her, "Well, now you are *completely* fucked, aren't you?"