- Alexis Hamilton: Do you know what the Dalai Lama said about committees? Oh, that's right, he didn't talk about committees, because he wasn't a pussy!
- Grace Tickle: Tell me, Doctor, does "A.B.E." have any predictions for the race?
- A.B.E.: Looks like rain today and enslavement by machines tomorrow.
- Jed Perfectus: Why can't they see me as I see myself? A kind gentle soul imprisoned by abs of steel.
- Chairman: Now this is all about freedom; the freedom to sit on your big fat ass all day and watch the single greatest sporting event known to man.
- Chairman: Europe, Asia, cancer; we kicked 'em all in the ass! The only thing that can kill an American is another American!