- Johnny Carson: May the tiny green person in your garden be a leprechaun, and not Michael J. Fox with food poisoning.
- Tim Conway: [on Harvey Korman's 60th birthday party] Sixty people there, and it was a - it was a marvelous party; spent a lot of money on it. Uh, I was really surprised to know that Sears made wine.
- Tim Conway: [looking at green beer] This horse is never gonna race again; I don't care what you say.
- Tim Conway: I am an only child, and - and this is the truth - when I call my mother, I say, "Hello, Mom," and she says, "Who is this?"
- Tim Conway: [to Ed] Did you used to go to confession, and things like that? Are you still...
- Johnny Carson: There's not a priest alive that has that kind of time.