Johnny Carson: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Rita Rudner : [on her husband]  He made me try on a leather dress.

  Johnny Carson : Yeah.

  Rita Rudner : And I did it 'cause I love him, you know? But I was standing there in this leather, and it wasn't until then that I realized how uncomfortable cows must be.

• Rita Rudner : We made terrible mistakes that we don't want anyone else to make, when we moved. First of all, we hired the Vegetarian Moving Company.

  Johnny Carson : The Vegetarian Moving Company?

  Rita Rudner : Yes - they were too weak to lift anything.

• Judge Reinhold : We had a - um, an actress who was - was really terrific, but it was her first nudity, and she was very, very uncomfortable.

  Johnny Carson : I can see that.

  Judge Reinhold : And - and be... trying - I had to assume my responsibility as a producer to try to get her to *be* comfortable as quickly as possible.

  Johnny Carson : Of course.

  Judge Reinhold : So, uh, I just, uh...

  Johnny Carson : Rotten job. Rotten job - yeah.

  Judge Reinhold : Yeah. I stripped down, buck naked, and started strutting around the set like Peter Pan, pretending that I was having the time of my life, to try to make her more comfortable. And I was saying, "Oh, this is so liberating! This is..." I was dying. I was...

  Johnny Carson : If I were you, I wouldn't strut around like Peter Pan naked too much in this town.

• Johnny Carson : [on flirting in supermarkets]  Women want to help... guys, right? That they don't know. Say, "Gee, are these red beans - are these green beans very good?" And you get into conversation.

  Judge Reinhold : I keep asking where the toast is.

• Johnny Carson : Today, we found out the mourning period for a parakeet is one day.