Fernando Lamas: Self

Quotes 

• Fernando Lamas : And then, eventually, you just wind up in Hollywood, sitting next to another actor reading The Hollywood Reporter, and lying to each other.

• Fernando Lamas : I remember the picture - Clark Gable rode a horse right into the Plaza Hotel in Buenos Aires. Now, Buenos Aires is a city with eight million people and seven lines of subway, and he's riding a horse - you see? And ties a horse to the front of the hotel.

• Robert Blake : They put some big star with a - with a lady, and they go in the tank. So they stick him with another guy, and they go off in the sunset together, and it makes a lot of money.

  Fernando Lamas : Yeah. And we never know what they do beyond the sunset, those two!

  Robert Blake : Yeah. That's a strange phenomenon...

  Fernando Lamas : Very strange.

  Robert Blake : That really is true.

  Fernando Lamas : That is.

  Robert Blake : You don't see John Garfield and Paulette Goddard go off in the sunset - it's Redford and Newman.

  Fernando Lamas : Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Yeah.

  Johnny Carson : Well, progress; I don't know.

  Robert Blake : That's progress.

  Fernando Lamas : Let's be broad-minded; what the hell.

• Johnny Carson : Are you Italian?

  Victoria Principal : Am I Italian? Principale - Vittoria!

  Johnny Carson : You've another Italian over here.

  Fernando Lamas : Oh - you *are* Italian, eh?

  Robert Blake : *I* used to be Italian.

  Victoria Principal : Did you?

  Johnny Carson : Before the operation.

• Fernando Lamas : Now they say, "The star of our show!" And some idiot comes up, and he says, "We're gonna play a game now."

  Johnny Carson : Time to bet your bippy!

  Fernando Lamas : "We're playin' a game! You take off all your clothes, and you show, and the one who's better equipped wins the game." And this is the "star" of a show.

• Fernando Lamas : What happens when you have a problem like that? Livin' with a crazy old broad that yells a lot? Either - either - either you get under the problem - and that's no good, because then all your life you go around hating all old ladies; that's no good. Or you get on top of the problem, you yell back - which is what I did.

• Johnny Carson : I'm tryin' to get a story about a sweet old grandmother here, and I...

  Fernando Lamas : Right. Right. You - you wouldn't take it; you couldn't take - see, as they... I mean, nobody can yell 24 hours a day and be sane.