Real Time with Bill Maher (TV Series)

Episode #15.9 (2017)

Bill Maher: Self - Host

Photos 

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : Finally, new rule: America needs more Republicans like this guy.

  [audience cheers and applause as a picture of a man holding a sign reading "I've Made a Huge Mistake" is shown] 

  Himself - Host : This man should be commended, and not just for being the first Trump voter to get all the spelling right on a sign.

  [audience laughter] 

  Himself - Host : But because it's not easy to admit that you've been taken by a con man. Now, during the campaign, Con Man Trump said this about the high cost of pharmaceuticals.

  [footage of Trump promising to lower drug prices] 

  Himself - Host : That's right. He promised to use his deal-making superpowers to...

  [scattered audience laughs] 

  Himself - Host : ...to get the drug companies to cut prices, but after the election, he sat down with the executives of Big Pharma, and what do you know? It turns out the solution isn't to get tough at all, it's to cut regulations. Fuck! He promised the Keystone Pipeline would be built with American steel; it won't. He promised to be the savior of coal miners, but here was the headline last month: "Trump's budget slams West Virginia". I know you real Americans hate being called stupid, but you've got to meet me halfway and stop being stupid.

  [audience laughter and applause] 

  Himself - Host : I mean, I would say Trump was a used car salesman, but with a used car salesman, at least you get a car. With Trump, you don't get any car, but you definitely get taken for a ride. He... he promised, and I quote, "We're going to have insurance for everybody. Much less expensive and much better." But when we saw the bill, it was a giant tax cut for the rich, paid by kicking 24 million people off their health insurance. What a truly novel approach to making health care less expensive: saving money by not giving people health care. It's like saving money on your kid's education by letting them stay home and watch Judge Judy.

• Himself - Host : And again, I don't want to use the "S" word, but then you have to tell me how this sounded at all possible.

  [footage of Trump promising "great health care at a fraction of the price" immediately after taking office] 

  Himself - Host : Believing health care could be "way better" at a fraction of the cost is so s... silly.

  [audience laughter] 

  Himself - Host : Let's call it silly. The Trump approach to health care was never going to be repeal and replace. It was always bait and switch.

  [audience applause] 

  Himself - Host : Because... because that is the con man's approach to everything. "Did I say health insurance for all? I meant access to insurance. Did I say Mexico would pay for the beautiful wall that keeps drug dealers out and locks the freshness in?"

  [audience laughter] 

  Himself - Host : "I meant Mexico would pay us back."

  [footage of Trump promising to build his border wall and have Mexico pay for it] 

  Himself - Host : Act now and we'll throw in a second wall absolutely free.

  [audience laughter] 

  Himself - Host : Trump has promised jobs. You're probably wondering "Will these be good jobs?". I'm glad you asked.

  [footage of Trump promising "massive numbers of good jobs"] 

  Himself - Host : Right. Good jobs, in the burgeoning new field of Something Terrific.

• Himself - Host : You know, you Trumpsters, you didn't elect the next Reagan. You elected this guy.

  [footage from a 'get rich quick' ad] 

  Himself - Host : You will...

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : You elected every cheap huckster who you should have known was full of shit because he was always promising the moon. Everything is always "foolproof" and "a hundred percent".

  [footage of a Trump interview on "On the Record" about ISIS] 

  Himself - Host : Folks, how much would you pay to get rid of ISIS very quickly?

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : Don't answer yet, because not only will ISIS be gone like that.

  [snapping his fingers] 

  Himself - Host : Here's our guarantee on undocumented immigrants.

  [footage of Trump discussing his immigration plan] 

  Himself - Host : So which do you like better, winning so much you're tired of winning or having your head spin?

  [a mash-up of clips of Trump using "winning" and "heads will spin" is shown] 

  Himself - Host : Order now and we will throw in *everything*!

  [footage of Trump promising "everything" voters want] 

  Himself - Host : Really? Everything? Everything, he said! Okay, I won't mock you any more. You're not the first people to be fooled by a guy like Donald Trump.

  [a clip from the movie "Used Cars" is shown] 

  Himself - Host : No sense crying over spilled snake oil. You can keep liking him, but just admit he is a con man. And a good one. The kind who tells you "I promise I'll pull out" while he's coming.