Criminal Minds (TV Series)

The Dance of Love (2018)

Kirsten Vangsness: Penelope Garcia

Quotes 

• David Rossi : Emily, you think I can take the next few days off, use some of my annual leave?

  [Emily and Garcia stare at Rossi] 

  David Rossi : What?

  Penelope Garcia : David Rossi? Time off?

  Emily Prentiss : I think we've entered a parallel universe?

  Penelope Garcia : [picks up Emily's stapler and hits herself with it]  Ouch! No! This is actually happening

  David Rossi : Okay, stop the theatrics! I've got a call this evening from Krystall

  Penelope Garcia : Krystall? With the K and two L's?

  Penelope Garcia : Wow, wait! What's happening? Did I miss something?

  Emily Prentiss : Eh, she was Rossi's third ex-wife. She was a black-jack dealer in Las Vegas

  David Rossi : And our love blossomed as so many of the great ones do over a deck of cards and lots of casino comped booze

  Emily Prentiss : Now what happened? That sounds like a love for the ages

  David Rossi : Once we sobered up, we had the marriage annulled

  Penelope Garcia : Why did I not know about this? You know the rules: all gossips funnels through me!

  Emily Prentiss : Oh, wait! It's get better: they got married in one of those drive-thru marriage chapels, right?

  David Rossi : Yup, two blocks off the Strip. Our secret vows were officiated by an Elvis impersonator who might have been drunker than we were

• Luke Alvez : Did she have a job, Garcia?

  Penelope Garcia : Eh, do you consider strolling to the local ATM a job? If you do: she had a job, if not: she was a trust fund kid

• Penelope Garcia : [Rossi asked her for a background search]  You will know what color his shoelaces are, you will know whether he's an innie or an outie. Bellybutton

  David Rossi : Penelope, no! I just want a simple background check. I don't want you digging into every nook and cranny

  Penelope Garcia : Oh, no, sir, that's where the bad stuff is you want to know about. That's what makes a nook a nook and a cranny a cranny. You gotta get

  [Rossi raises his hands to stop her] 

  Penelope Garcia : Okay, I'll... I'll limit my search to a level one

  David Rossi : Thank you. Call me if you find anything

  Penelope Garcia : [Rossi walks away, Garcia mumbles to herself]  Level two, max. Maybe 2 1/2

• David Rossi : You're positive?

  Penelope Garcia : I am triple positive!