Palm Springs (2020)

Andy Samberg: Nyles

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Quotes 

• Sarah : You get one more sentence.

  Nyles : Okay, okay, okay-

  [Nyles thinks for a moment] 

  Nyles : Even though I pretend not to be, I've realized I'm completely codependent, but now I'm cool with it, because life is meant to be shared

  [pause] 

  Nyles : - *semi-colon* - I need you for survival...

  Sarah : That's your one sentence...

  Nyles : [shouts]  Wait!

  [Sarah stops] 

  Nyles : ... I need you for survival, *comma*, but this is so much more than that

  [pause] 

  Nyles : -*colon* - I know you better than anyone knows you, and that day we saw the dinosaurs, you said to really know a person you have to see their entire package, the good and the bad. Well, you've see mine, and I've seen yours, and you have an excellent package. *Ampersand* you're my favorite person I've ever met, and, yes, it seems like crazy odds that a person I'd meet stuck in a time loop would end up being my favorite person, but you know what else has crazy odds? Getting stuck in a fucking time loop. *Dot dot dot*...

  Sarah : Ellipses.

  Nyles : Yes, ellipses, thank you. *Ellipses*, I hope blowing ourselves up works, but if it doesn't, it's irrelevant for me, as long as I'm with you. And if it kills us... Well, Sarah Isabel Wilder, I'd rather die with you than live in this world without you, *emphatic period*.

• Nyles : I guess you followed me. It's one of those infinite time loop situations you might have heard about.

  Sarah : That I might have heard about?

  Nyles : Yeah.

• Misty : [Sarah Knocks]  Coming!

  Misty : [Opens the door]  U-Sarah?

  Sarah : [Enters the room, Chuckles, To Nyles]  Didn't work! Life is meaningless. Let's get the fuck outta here.

  [leaves the room] 

  Misty : Oh my god. Are you...

  Misty , Nyles : Fucking cheating on me? What? This isn't funny. Okay stop! I'm serious! Stop copying me! Stop pretending like you know everything

  [Screams, Misty's leading to a sob] 

  Nyles : Okay I'm gonna go.

  [gets out of bed] 

  Misty : [crying]  Wait what?

• Nyles : I felt everything I'll ever feel. So I'll never feel ever again.

• Misty : Oh my god. Are you fucking cheating on me?

  Nyles : [scoffs]  No! You're cheating on me, you goof.

  Misty : [Stops to think]  Wait what?

• Jerry : Good day so far?

  Nyles : Today, tomorrow, yesterday, it's all the same.

• Nana Schlieffen : Dear, I have been to more weddings in my life than you can imagine...

  Nyles : You might be surprised.

• Roy : You gotta find your Irvine.

  Nyles : I don't have an Irvine.

  Roy : We all have an Irvine.

• Nyles : We kind of have no choice but to live. So I think your best bet is just to learn how to suffer existence.

• Nyles : I would rather die with you, than live in this world without you...

• Nyles : We were born lost, but now, you are found.

• Nyles : Pain matters! What we do to other people matters! We were having fun. Then you killed Roy.

• Sarah : What if we get sick of each other?

  Nyles : We're already sick of each other. It's the best.

• Nyles : [giving his wedding speech]  Here you are, standing on the precipice of something so much bigger than anyone here. But always remember, you are not alone.

• Nyles : I am the antichrist. Just kidding, there is no God.

• Sarah : I can't keep waking up in here. Everything that we are doing is meaningless.

  Nyles : I hope it's not all meaningless.

• Nyles : You just have to embrace the fact that nothing matters.

• Nyles : The sister of the bride and based on her accent, from origins unknown.

• Misty : Nyles, what are you doing?

  Nyles : Just shut up and go fuck Trevor.

• Nyles : [about Misty and Trevor]  Trust me, there is not a world where these two don't end up together.

• Roy : Confucius said, "Marriage is a bottomless pit of sorrow that makes you forget who you are."

  Nyles : He did not.

  Roy : But there is a bottom, my friend. And it is a *fucking* dark place.

• [Last lines] 

  Nyles : [about the neighbors]  I guess they come back November 10th.

  [He and Sarah laugh] 

• Nyles : We should break up.

  Misty : What!

  Nyles : You don't like me.

  Misty : I *don't* like you, but I don't think we should break up.

• Sarah : My whole family is embarrassed by me. They all see me as a... as a liability who fucks around and drinks too much.

  Nyles : Why would they think that?

  Sarah : Because I fuck around and drink too much.

• Nyles : I vowed to never bring anyone into this life ever again.

  Darla : Amen to that! I tied my tubes at 40.

• Nyles : Would you kill me one more time? You know...

  [sniffles] 

  Nyles : beat the traffic.

• Nyles : It's not you, it's me.

  Misty : Yeah, no shit!

  Nyles : I meant it's you, it's not me.

• Nyles : Stop! There's a bomb in the cake!

• Daisy the Bartender : Here are the drinks you didn't pick up from the bar.

  Nyles : Thank you! I always get an extra one. Save myself a trip.

  Sarah : Or you might just be an alcoholic?

• Howard : She didn't leave a note?

  Pia : Sarah realized the day wasn't about her, so she left.

  Howard : Don't say that.

  Nyles : [Nyles turns on the blender to make a margarita]  Or she's scared.

  Howard : Of what?

  Nyles : Families, weddings, intimacy, melanoma, nanotech, round-the-clock surveillance, sauce. She'll be back.

• Nyles : I don't know what it is. It could be life, it could be death. It might be a dream, I might be imagining you, you might be imagining me, it could be purgatory, or a glitch in the simulation that we're both in. I don't know. So, I decided a while ago to sort of... give up and stop trying to make sense of things altogether, because, the only way to really live in this is to embrace the fact that nothing matters.

• Nyles : Look, I love you. Okay?

  Sarah : What?

  Nyles : I love you.

  Sarah : You--How can you even know that? I am literally the only other human being stuck in here with you.

  Nyles : No. What about Roy? I don't love him.

  Sarah : Oh my God, Nyles. So you, you're... you are saying that out there in the real world, with millions of other people to choose from, you would still choose me?

  Nyles : Yeah. But why would I want to go back there anyway, you know. It's a world of death and poverty, and debilitating emotional distress. At least in here, we get to be together.

  Sarah : You have lost your mind.

  Nyles : Is that so bad? That's what love is all about! Don't be so afraid of it.

• Nyles : What might have been and what has been point to one end, which is always present.

• Nyles : The second you fall asleep, it all just goes back to the start.

• Nyles : It's just a fleeting feeling.

  Sarah : Right.

  Nyles : It drifts away, just like they all do.

  Sarah : What do you mean, "it just drifts away... like they all do"? Like what has drifted away?

  Nyles : [Nyles exhales. Long pause]  Everything.

• Nyles : I think the party's gonna start pretty soon. You wanna head back?

  Sarah : Is that a joke? No. Why would I do that?

  Nyles : I don't know. Eat, drink, dance. Bask in love.

  Sarah : That is not love.

  Nyles : Of course it is. Tala's in love.

  Sarah : No, you don't actually know what you're talking about. We. You. Me. Everyone. Everyone we know. Nobody can stand the idea of being alone. So we... buy into this pageantry and celebrate its... bullshit.

  Nyles : All right. So no wedding, then.

• Nyles : I just like to give back whenever I can. Material matters don't really concern me.

  Sarah : With the exception of booze and burritos and designer drugs and candy.

  Nyles : Obviously. I'm not a Puritan.

  Sarah : And sex, I assume. You fuck other people in here?

  Nyles : Great question.

  Sarah : You must, right?

  Nyles : I have, but it takes a lot of work, and I try to live my life at this point with as little effort as possible.

• Nyles : The pain is real. Why can't you understand that?

  Sarah : It doesn't matter! Nothing matters, right? Those are your words.

  Nyles : No. Pain matters. What we do to other people matters. Being a source of terror is not fun, okay? It's not fulfilling. I know this from experience. It doesn't matter that everything resets and people don't remember. WE remember. We have to deal with the things that we do.

• Sarah : Holy shit. Are you scared to leave?

  Nyles : What? No. Not at all. I just don't WANT to leave. There's a difference.

  Sarah : Oh yeah? What's the difference?

  Nyles : I want to stay with you.

• Nyles : Think of it like this. Everything in this void, the space where the candy bar once was but is now in my stomach, is the past.

  Sarah : Mm-hmm.

  Nyles : And everything that's remaining is the future, encased in chocolate.

  Sarah : Mm-hmm.

  Nyles : I have no interest in this emptiness. You know, the who, what, why of your past. You got here, that's all that matters.

  Sarah : But if you really want to know someone deeper, it does matter. It does. You have to know the whole package.

  Nyles : I disagree. This... the next bite...

  [Nyles bites the candy bar] 

  Nyles : ... that's all that matters.

  Sarah : I was married for two years.

  [pause] 

  Sarah : I knew it wasn't going to work. I knew it wasn't going to work out the moment that I said yes. I knew it wasn't going to work out when I moved to Austin for him. I knew it wasn't going to work out when I walked down the aisle. But... I went through with it. And it didn't work out. Now... ignoring all that, would make me destined to repeat it.

• Sarah : That was a grammatical nightmare.

  Nyles : Yeah. I'm hoping it didn't distract from my point too much.

  Sarah : I mean, an emphatic period is just--it's an exclamation point.

  Nyles : I didn't want to seem desperate.

• Sarah : How do I stop it? I don't want tomorrow to be today. I want tomorrow to be tomorrow.

  Nyles : Right. That's natural. Uh, unfortunately, that's never gonna happen. Tomorrow will always and forever now be... today.

• Sarah : Maybe it's a karma thing.

  Nyles : What is?

  Sarah : Yeah. What if it's like, to get out of this, you have to be selfless and then you're free.

  Nyles : I just bought a hundred dollar candy bar, and I'm still here.

  Sarah : Yeah, but not like that. Like real acts of selflessness, like the bone marrow shit that Tala does. Look, what if, oh my God, what if life just keeps going for everyone else here but not you and me until we've earned our way out? You've really never thought about this before?

  Nyles : Yeah, no, I've never thought about the multiverse.

• Sarah : This isn't real, Nyles. Everything that we are doing in here is fucking meaningless.

  Nyles : So what? I mean, it's not like things were going so great for you out there.

• Sarah : But what is this? When is this?

  Nyles : Yeah, 'bout that. So, this is today. Today is yesterday. And tomorrow is also today.