Criminal Minds (TV Series)

Saturday (2020)

Kirsten Vangsness: Penelope Garcia

Quotes 

• Penelope Garcia : [opening quotation]  "The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend." - Chuck Palahniuk.

• Penelope Garcia : I sent the rest of the class home. Thank you guys for coming in. I know you have a day off.

  Jennifer Jareau : Well, Will totally has the sleepover covered, so I am happy to be here.

  Dr. Tara Lewis : Yeah, and as long as I make it to dinner with my dad, I'm good. I mean, we should be able to knock this out by the end of the day.

  Penelope Garcia : Oh. Now, should we bring in the rest of the team?

  [pointing at Luke] 

  Penelope Garcia : Because we do have that holding us up.

  Luke Alvez : Do you remember, like, thirty seconds ago when you thanked us? Yeah. We were so young then.

• Penelope Garcia : Elizabeth Wise, uh, she lives alone, currently single.

  Jennifer Jareau : Has she gone to the police?

  Penelope Garcia : Many times, and they haven't been able to find who is doing it, let alone stop them.

  Luke Alvez : The violent content of the messages seems to be escalating. "You ruined the good thing we had", "You bang everyone else, but not me." Sounds to me like an incel.

  Penelope Garcia : Ugh. Icky online culture for the involuntarily celibate.

  Jennifer Jareau : Usually, they just stay behind the screen. They're too cowardly to have a personal confrontation.

  Dr. Tara Lewis : Yeah, these surveillance photos really raise the threat level. I mean, if he knows her routine this well, it's gotta be an ex-boyfriend.

  Penelope Garcia : [sliding a sheet of paper over]  I've compiled that list. Tara, JJ, see what stands out.

  Jennifer Jareau : [slightly confused]  Okay.

  Penelope Garcia : Alvez, you'll be going with me to Elizabeth's apartment. Now, she says no one's broken in but I'm not convinced, so let me get her keys so we can check it out. And now we will...

  [standing] 

  Penelope Garcia : Wheels up.

  Luke Alvez : We're not going anywhere.

  Penelope Garcia : [indicating her mouth]  Shut up, shut up! Just because you look like that doesn't mean you can do whatever you want with this part of your face. How does Prentiss make this look easy?

  [moving to leave] 

  Penelope Garcia : Okay, come on. Jeez!

  Jennifer Jareau : Mmm, have fun.

• Elizabeth Wise : I was wondering if you could show the class how to use a VPN to mash an onion router in, say... like, Romania.

  Penelope Garcia : Romania? Yeah, you're not gonna need that, unless you need to hide, I mean, like "hide" hide your signal.

  Elizabeth Wise : I know.

  Penelope Garcia : Who are you hiding from?

  Elizabeth Wise : Uh... I have a, you know... stalker. Heh. But i-it's all online, so it's probably fine, right?

  Penelope Garcia : Maybe. Probably. But do you need my help?

  Elizabeth Wise : Maybe. Probably, yeah.

  Penelope Garcia : [taking and plugging in her laptop]  Yeah? Okay, um, let's start with this. Do you think it's a stalker or just, like, a troll? 'Cause sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

  Elizabeth Wise : Check for yourself.

  [Garcia sees pictures and messages pop up on her screens] 

  Elizabeth Wise : It's bad, right?

  Penelope Garcia : Yeah. Yeah, it's bad.

• Penelope Garcia : And what is weird on top if weird is that all that listing and watching completely stopped 6 month ago