- Everett Lynch: [Closing Quote] We serial killers are your sons, we are your husbands, we are everywhere. And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow. Ted Bundy
- Penelope Garcia: [to herself, after telling JJ's secret] Not my fault JJ, I told you I wasn't good at keeping secrets
- Penelope Garcia: [about to reveal JJ's secret voluntarily] Alright, you pulled this out of me and you did not hear it from me
- Matt Simmons: Well I talk to Tom Mitchell and Toby Stemple's wives and they both swear their husbands would never frequent prostitutes
- Dr. Tara Lewis: Well, they never do, until they do
- Penelope Garcia: [picking up her phone] Full disclosure, fear of change it forces me to continue eating frozen desert food. What do you need?
- Luke Alvez: We think the unsub is the son of a couple who used to live in Beaumont
- Penelope Garcia: Do you think that, newbie? Oh my gosh! You just narrowed the candidates to like 1.2 million people
- Dr. Tara Lewis: It's just the sugar talking
- Penelope Garcia: Spill, why don't you? How was New Orleans?
- Jennifer Jareau: Oh, I... it was wonderful. The boys had a ball getting to know their cousins, Will reconnected with his old crowd and I ate so many oysters, I'm pretty sure I have pearls growing in me
- Dr. Spencer Reid: More likely what's growing inside of you is vibrio vulnificus
- [Garcia frowns at Reid]
- Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a bacterial contamination caused by eating raw seafood. There's 52,000 cases a year in the United States alone
- Penelope Garcia: [to Reid] I... forgot... we invited the fun police!
- Penelope Garcia: [to JJ] Ignore him! That's what lemon juice is for. You squirts that on stuff, and it kills all the bacteria
- Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm so glad you are not my primary care physician
- Jennifer Jareau: Oh, that's gross, so I am gonna change the subject. Can the two of you keep a secret?
- Penelope Garcia: He can, I can't. Tell us anyway
- Penelope Garcia: [while making the call] You still got it, baby girl!
- Emily Prentiss: [picks up her phone] What is it Garcia?
- Penelope Garcia: I searched birth records in Beaumont from 1987 to 1992. There were 20,000 babies born, but when you apply Garcia's Law of Diddly-Squat things narrow down considerably
- David Rossi: Law of Diddly-Squat?
- Penelope Garcia: Simply stated: where there should be globs of information about someone or something and you find diddly-squat, there is gold in dem der hills and dig down!
- Emily Prentiss: The gold this time being?
- Luke Alvez: Why do we think the murders are connected?
- Penelope Garcia: Because both of them were missing their tongues and their ears and their hands... and can someone start talking so I can stop thinking about it?