MysticYoYo Reviews

Legally Blonde (2001)

BLUE eyeshadow?

[11 May 2008]

For some reason I have a fascination with this movie. Every time it is on cable TV I'm compelled to stop and watch it. I have no idea why. And I even have favorite scenes! What troubles me, though, is the blue eyeshadow that Elle's friends wear, a la the wives on Goodfellas. WTF is up with that? Malibu chicks looking like Brooklyn molls? Because of the new submission guidelines of ten lines of text, I will go on: Why would Malibu California girls wear dated cheap blue eye make-up? I am not going to add junk words, but jeez, to me having a restriction of 10 lines of text means that someone answering a simple question from another post (or a poster asking a simple question) becomes moot! Not a good thing, IMDb. :(

Joan of Arcadia (2003–2005)

I'm hooked, much to my own surprise

[20 June 2004]

I stumbled upon this show mid-season by accident: I sat in front of the TV with my dinner in a plate on my lap and couldn't find the remote. Ever since then I have been hooked, much to my surprise. I'm not religious by any means, but neither is JOA. And for anyone considering giving it a try, it's not remotely preachy, nor do we receive a pious little sermon at the conclusion of each episode. I love the way Joan rolls her eyes at God and gets snippy and sarcastic with him/her. Joan's complete exasperation with her unwelcome divine mission is a totally human, totally teenage response, and absolutely believable when played by the talented Amber Tamblyn. I'm thoroughly addicted and am looking forward to next season. The writing is excellent and the acting is great all-round, though sometimes the sub-plots get me itching to get back to Joan/Jane and her current (for want of a better word) crusade.

Bringing Down the House (2003)

Hugely talented actors....

[11 October 2003]

were utterly wasted in this movie. Martin, Levy, Plowright and Latifah, all so talented and those talents so terribly, terribly squandered in this cliché-ridden waste of celluloid. The performances here can't be faulted (barring the club scene with Martin getting jiggy with it *huge groan*). The writing is at fault here. It has been said before, and I will say it again: Every character in the movie is a cookie-cutter stereotype.

It seems that just about every musical artist out there wants to cross over to film, but Latifah actually has the stuff to do it. She has a huge (no pun intended) on-screen presence and has the makings of a great comedic actress; she almost made this dreck fly. She just needs to be choosier about her material.

What Lies Beneath (2000)

I see dull people.

[2 September 2000]

Boring!

This *should* have been a Lifetime "Woman in Peril" TV movie of the week starring Marilu Henner and Andrew Stevens. I can't believe Zemekis, Ford or Pfeiffer actually read the script before signing on for this bomb.

SPOILERS AHEAD, so stop now if you have not seen the movie and are still intent on wasting your time and money...

Here are just a few of the clunkers and problems:

* The heavy handed red herring in the form of the quarrelling neighbors.

* The coincidence with the initials.

* A door that keeps opening by itself; okay, fairly creepy, but the ghost playing computer solitaire? That's just plain stupid.

* The scene where Pfeiffer tentatively walks by Ford's prone, unconscious body had the whole audience in the cinema letting out a collective groan.

* How handy that Ford is working on a drug that incapacitates people and not, oh, a cure for cancer.

* Pfeiffer's "Honey, remember the cell phone doesn't work on the bridge" reminder---exposition, anyone? And then what does she do later? She stops on the bridge to use the cell phone, which of course DOESN'T WORK!

* Pfeiffer wildly driving the truck while fighting for her life: She doesn't hit a tree or another car but drives *right* down the center of a boat ramp...where the body of whatsherface just happens to be lying in wait.

* And how *did* Ford get into the back of the truck?

A total disappointment.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

"The Diet Coke of funny..."

[21 March 2000]

I wish this movie had been *all* about Dr. Evil. What a great characterization! The movie came alive for me when Evil and his "posse" were on the screen. Austin Powers, however, was a complete bore and while Heather Graham looked the part, her performance was lackluster and she and Powers lacked chemistry. And as for the bathroom humor...ick!

If there is a Part 3, hopefully Austin Powers will be frozen again and the movie will focus on the family dynamics of Dr. Evil and son.

A Simple Plan (1998)

Nerve wracking...

[15 January 2000]

Nerve wracking and at times infuriating. Nice characterizations, especially Billy Bob Thornton as the pathetic simpleton who was at times more wise and discerning than his college educated kid brother.

There is a telling scene where Hank and Jacob are in a bar with their partner in crime, Lou, who drunkenly babbles on insultingly about Hank's character and how Hank appears to other people. Our knee jerk reaction is to think Lou is a drunken boor (and he is) but he is also correct, about both Hank and himself.

I don't want to give away any plot points, so suffice to say that there are some neat twists thrown in, but if you like this movie, see "Bound" with Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon. It's better.

Still Breathing (1997)

They flunked Chemistry 101.

[11 November 1999]

Brendan Fraser and Joanna Going are missing something essential to any good love story: chemistry. I could not figure out why Fletcher loved Rosalyn, despite the half-baked explanation we were given. And I didn't see any evidence that Rosalyn loved Fletcher, let alone even liked him.

Sure, both leads are gorgeous, but so what?

Grease 2 (1982)

Abysmal.

[22 October 1999]

Horrible, yet oddly fascinating. The lyrics are cheesy in the extreme, the plot lame, the acting lackluster. Maxwell Caulfield is more beautiful than Michelle Pfeiffer but bland and unable to carry a tune. Pfeiffer just looks bored.

Skip this bomb and rent Grease again.

Conspiracy Theory (1997)

An Oscar-worthy performance from Mel Gibson

[20 September 1999]

is not to be found in this film. Those Lethal Weapon movies have blunted Gibson's acting, turning him into a real scene chewer.

Conspiracy Theory is two bloated hours of paranoia with a lackluster plot payoff. As for the ending; AWFUL for several different reasons:

1) All of a sudden Alice (Julia Roberts) is in love with Jerry (Mel Gibson)? Where did THAT come from? Plot contrivance, anyone? The guy is a paranoid schizophrenic and she is an attorney who has been scornful of and disturbed by his "Conspiracy Theories" for most of the movie, and she is suddenly in love with him?! Must be because Jerry looks like Mel Gibson…

2) (Plot points revealed here, so those of you who haven't seen the movie, do not read further.) We were made to think, briefly, that Gibson's character had died. And it would have been a better movie if he had. But nooooooo! We can't have our star play a character who *dies*!! Or have our actress mournful while the credits roll! Much better to have that hack ending where we see Gibson alive (and apparently cured of his mental illnesses) while he watches the joyful, lovely Roberts embracing life. And there she was, only marginally surprised that he was alive after all. Can you HEAR my eyes rolling?

This lumbering mass of celluloid is only for diehard fans of Gibson and Roberts. All others: don't bother.

The Sixth Sense (1999)

See it before someone blows the ending for you!

[6 September 1999]

"They don't know that they are dead." "They see what they want to see."

Those lines, uttered by tormented, nine year old Cole Sear, explain away every imaginary hole in the script that detractors are complaining about.

Very well crafted film with every line and shot essential to the story; nothing wasted here. Haley Joel Osment is spectacular in a difficult role and Bruce Willis, Toni Collette and the supporting characters all turn in good performances.

Friends (1994–2004)

Consistently funny.

[6 September 1999]

Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow keep getting better and better.

I was sort of disappointed at the way Phoebe lost her scruffy, earth-mother look after the first season (in an effort to make her as trendy as Monica and Rachel, I guess). Chandler, as always, is hilarious but I think Phoebe gives him a run for his money. Ross and Monica Geller are as anal retentive as it is possible to be and still be funny. Joey is the only weak link in this consistently funny sitcom.

Fair Game (1995)

Cindy? Pretty. Movie? Pretty lousy.

[15 July 1999]

Really bad and tedious with it. The mystery here was not who was trying to kill Cindy Crawford, but how her hair was magically dry and sexily tousled after a series of dunkings.

Cindy has exhibited better acting in lipstick commercials. And that scene where she uses her charms to persuade the geek in the computer shop to help her was reminiscent of Ginger trying to coax a coconut from Gilligan.

Silly from start to finish.

Inventing the Abbotts (1997)

Wally and the Beav don't live on the same street as these two dysfunctional families.

[18 June 1999]

Set in the 1950's (or maybe the 1960's; I dunno, it was hard to work up the interest) the film has an oddly contemporary feel, despite the hairdos and clothes that were supposed to remind us we are watching a period piece.

Inventing the Abbotts is plodding, dull and repetitious as with malicious determination Jacey Holt works his way through the Abbott sisters, while his sensitive brother Doug pines for Pamela, the youngest Abbott.

Freeway (1996)

You will either love it or hate it...

[2 June 1999]

A movie you will either love or hate; no shades of grey here...

Great script, but Witherspoon's brilliant and riveting performance is what powers it. (Picture someone like, say, Liv Tyler in the lead role and you can see what an acting tour-de-force Reese Witherspoon accomplished; just about any other actress her age would have bludgeoned the role.)

Even Brooke Shields is almost good, playing someone who seems curiously like.herself!

My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)

Funny, but somewhat contrived...

[31 May 1999]

Very funny at times, but somewhat contrived. On the other hand, I had to wonder if the screenwriter got the idea from the antics of a wacky friend who tried, in real life, to derail a romance.

Rupert Everett stands out as George, the man who truly *is* Julia Roberts' "Best Friend". He is so supportive, in fact, that he flies from New York to Chicago to lend her some moral support FOR A FEW HOURS! Oh, to be that rich! Or to have that many frequent flier miles.

Cameron Diaz is charming and it was refreshing to see her rich, powerful parents played as warm, down to earth people. Dermot Mulroney however, was miscast as the woman both Diaz and Roberts couldn't live without; it was hard to understand just why they were fighting over him.

In a couple of scenes Roberts was once again busily at work displaying that trademark, "infectious" laugh (the scene in the Karoke bar where she deliberately excludes Diaz while reminiscing with Mulroney, and the final scene where she and George are dancing) but her braying laugh sounded shrill and forced. And did I miss the point of her being a famous food critic? It didn't seem to propel the plot unless it was, I guess, a ponderous attempt to show her as picky about men as she is about food.

I was puzzled by the intrusion of one of the Vengeful Sluts into a scene or two where she wasn't really necessary, and then I realized (well, through IMDB cross referencing) that she is Rachel Griffiths, who starred in another PJ Hogan film, Muriel's Wedding. Guess he was getting her a bit of extra screen time.

Ultimately, I had to admire a film (and a romantic comedy at that) brave enough not to have a lovable heroine and a standard cookie-cutter happy ending.

L.A. Confidential (1997)

Loved the element of surprise.

[10/10 · 30 May 1999]

Excellent!

What I appreciated most besides the acting and art direction was the element of surprise; lots of plot twists and unexpected developments. I think we can all agree that most films these days are very predictable. This movie was not, and yet didn't sacrifice its integrity.

I am sorry to say, however, that I did not find Kim Basinger's performance (while adequate) worthy of an Oscar.

Cold Comfort Farm (1995 TV Movie)

Deliciously funny as only the British can do...

[30 May 1999]

Deliciously funny and very, very British. With ruthless efficiency, city bred Flora Poste sets rustic Cold Comfort Farm to rights. Kate Beckinsale is perfectly cast as "Robert Poste's child" Flora: clever, charming and pretty, with a backbone of steel. Great work by all the characters, but I found Charles (Flora's love) bland and not worthy of her.

And just what *was* in the woodshed?

A Hard Day's Night (1964)

A classic.

[30 May 1999]

Joyful and charming, with great music. What more could one ask? Easily one of the best movies I have ever seen and a personal favorite.

The definition of a classic is something that stands the test of time. This is a classic.

The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)

One big inside joke, so if you never watched the TV show, don't bother watching the movie.

[22 May 1999]

If you ever watched the show growing up, this movie is a scream, poking fun at TV's dorkiest family. (I can picture people who never watched The Brady Bunch TV show scratching their heads and wondering what it's all about.) There are a hundred inside jokes but, again, you had to have watched the show at one time or another to appreciate it. I saw this movie at the cinema with three friends when it came out and we laughed our a**es off. We'd grown up in four different parts of the country but we all grew up watching Marcia et. al., and this movie made us laugh at the Bradys and ourselves.

Sid and Nancy (1986)

An absolutely brilliant film...

[10/10 · 21 May 1999]

An absolutely brilliant film about two infamous, self destructive punks in the 70's. Chloe Webb is fascinating as the manipulative, manic Nancy and Gary Oldman gives his best performance ever as the talentless, witless Sid Vicious who was lucky (or unlucky) enough to be there at the right time when punk and the Sex Pistols took off. I read somewhere once that Oldman hated the movie, and I wonder why. This movie is dark and ugly and real and in your face. And after seeing it, "My Way" will never sound the same to you.

St. Elmo's Fire (1985)

Makes Breakfast Club seem like Citizen Kane...

[20 May 1999]

Awful. Truly awful. The characters are just cardboard caricatures that never leap off of the screenwriter's page. Obviously some more-than-just-slightly removed writer's idea of what the trials and tribulations of recent, trendy college graduates are like and, boy, are these guys especially dull and shallow.

Some of the more annoying/offensive scenes:

* Demi Moore repeatedly referring to her (dying) step-mother as her step-monster. Not even funny the first time she said it.

* The dinner scene with Mare Winningham's clumsy explanation of how her mother talks about unpleasant things in a whisper. It was apparent from the start of that scene, but Mare had to explain it for those of us with IQ's in the two digits.

* Ally Sheedy making love to Andrew McCarthy while wearing an annoying, long string of pearls. Was that supposed to add a sort of sexy texture to the scene? If so, it failed.

* Mare Winningham's making love with (and losing her virginity to) Rob Lowe. Ugh! You have to see the movie and experience Lowe's shallow, self-destructive character to see why this scene is so repellent. Ick.

* Lowe's contrived, pretentious little speech to a theatrically traumatized Moore about St. Elmo's Fire. Huh?? What on earth is he babbling about?

Wise Guys (1986)

This movie got a bum rap

[8 May 1999]

This movie was panned when it came out but I think it got a bum rap. Joe Piscopo has a tough role playing an idiot (not as easy as you would think it would be) and Danny DeVito's energy helps carry the film along. Great to see Harvey Keitel in a role that doesn't involve blowing someone's brains out. This is a great flick to catch on cable on a rainy afternoon. Silly but fun.

The Lonely Lady (1983)

Worse than they all say it is...

[8 May 1999]

The other user's comments on this page haven't plumbed the depths of just how utterly awful this movie is. Not even good for a giggle. Lonely Lady is staggeringly bad. Abandon hope all ye who view this movie.

So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Not the funniest movie in the world but definitely worth watching.

[22 April 1999]

A bit of a bumpy ride, for sure, but the scenes with Charlie's parents (played by Mike Myers and Brenda Fricker) are absolutely hilarious! Myers should make a movie featuring these eccentric characters.

Some of the supporting players are in brilliant, all too brief scenes: Alan Arkin as Anthony LaPaglia's sympathetic police chief, and the late, great Phil Hartman as an Alcatraz prison guide. This is an uneven film, but Charlie's parents, the beat poetry, some truly funny lines and those great cameo appearances make this well worth watching.