stakes Reviews

A Flintstone Family Christmas (1993 TV Movie)

A sacrilegious Christmas special?

[3 January 2004]

Firstly, let me acknowledge that perhaps I am being a bit too extreme when I toss out the word 'sacrilegious' as it relates to this special. As a moderately religious person myself, I am certainly not an individual who usually goes around passing judgement on these kind of things. But I do raise this question: how on earth can a society living in the stone age celebrate a holiday that honors the birth of Christ?

I suppose we could let this slide (after all, this is not the first Christmas-themed Flintstones special), but there was one particular scene in this special that really took me aback: The Flintstones pose for a Christmas family photograph, which is taken and then shown with the following writing below it: 'Flintstones Christmas BC'. If there was ever an opportunity to use the words 'blasphemy' and 'oxymoron' in the same sentence, that's it.

That aside, this is a pretty bland, by-the-book half-hour of Christmas television viewing. As with most modern Flintstones specials, it doesn't hold a candle to the sheer delightfulness of the original television series. There are better Flintstones Christmas specials than this one.

Mad TV (1995–2016)

absolute dreck

[30 December 2003]

This has to be, quite easily, the most unfunny and offensive TV show I have ever seen. The comedy is explicit filth, and relies on gross-out gags more than anything else. Watch any given episode, and you're likely to hear as many of the mock gross-out or offended groans from the student audience as you are to hear laughs.

However, I'm not getting on my high horse to put down this show. It is possible to scrape the bottom of the barrel, and still get laughs. I have seen comedies that appeal to the lowest common dominator and still be funny. This, however, is not one of them. Just because you do something completely offensive, or gross, or trashy, it's not funny. Mad TV has not figured this out. And how this trash is still on the air is beyond me.

The Restaurant (2003–2004)

best of the reality shows

[27 July 2003]

I just saw this for the first time, and I think I might be hooked. I, for the most part, absolutely hate the mess of reality television that is being shoveled down our throats these days, but this is different. "The Restaurant" isn't about people trying to win a million dollars, people sleeping with complete strangers, or people trying to marry off their parents. This is reality TV that is actually "real". Just about everyone has worked, at some point in their lives, in a restaurant or something else involving public service. Just about everyone has had to deal with the everyday hassles of rude customers, bossy managers, and fellow employees who don't do their part. That is real, as opposed to the degenerative wackiness that takes place in other reality programming, which 99.9999% of the population has not experienced, nor will ever experience. Everybody's flipped a burger, but not everybody has had America cast a vote deciding their spouse.

And that's what makes "The Restaurant" special. Add to that the fact that is a highly engrossing and entertaining program, and you've got something here. When I first heard that a new reality show was going to focus on the daily operations of a restaurant, I thought NBC must be insane. But this show succeeds, and if reality television has to stick around, this is the form it should be in.

Bad Boys II (2003)

mixed emotions

[18 July 2003]

As one of the biggest fans of the original "Bad Boys", I have been eagerly awaiting this movie for a very long time.

My expectations dropped somewhat in the days leading up to it's release, when I read early reviews of the movie, most of which described it as an overblown peice of movie making excess, concerned only with blowing things up and crammed with gore. So when I went into the theater on opening night, I did so with lowered expectations, and that might be a good thing. Because when I came out of it, I was left not feeling let down. And that rarely ever happens with me in the case of sequels to old favorites.

There's lots of great things here, but it's the presence of those great moments that make you realize that it could be so much more.

I have mixed emotions on this movie, mostly which result in comparisons relative to the classic original. But before I dive into cranking those thoughts out, I would like to officially state that this is, simply put, a good movie.

When they are allowed to get going, Lawrence and Smith are absolutely hysterical, recapturing the magical chemistry they had 8 years ago. Lawrence is particuarly hilarious, playing the beleaugered sidekick to Smith's non-stop carnage parade. The duo's egually beleaugered Captain, played by Joe Pantoliano, is also hysterical this time around, drawing more laughs in less camera time.

The movie is jam-packed with massive action sequences, as the producers cram as much as they can into the near 150 minute marathon. The action that is there is very impressive, but it is too much. Half of that time could be spent just eaves-dropping on conversations between Smith and Lawrence, and be far more entertaining. After all, it was the special dynamic of those two actors that made the original stand out above all other buddy-cop action-comedies. Big budget action is a dime a dozen at the multiplex these days, but the chemistry Smith and Lawrence have is truly special. Something that only comes along, oh, say once every 8 years.

But you almost get the feeling that the filmmakers felt pressure to deliver a box office smash (an $150 million price tag will do that to you), and took the easy way out. They filled the movie with the action sequences, the gun fights, the special effects, the explosions, and all that good stuff that lands you at #1 when the weekend's grosses are counted.

In reference to what many critics have been saying, this move is decidely more violent than the original, and almost seems to revel in it. Smith's carachter seems to take on a dark sinister tone in several combative sequences, as he effortlessly kills off bad guy after bad guy, in increasingly violent fashion without a trace of remorse. It's not pretty. And by the time the movie climaxes, with a near-war on forgein soil, the duo (Smith, especially) seem more like super-soldiers and unstoppable killing machines, than the average cops (well, maybe "super cops") we grew to love the first time around.

But on the whole, this flick is a great ride. And though some moments in the film truly deserve an explanation from director Micheal Bay (such as a scene in which two rats are seen fornicating -- is this Austin Powers or Bad Boys?), I had a fun time and left the theater smiling.

I hope there is a part 3, and if so, I hope it returns more to the tone of the first movie than this one. Sadly, that probably won't be the case. But that's why the first movie is a classic. It's so special because it rose to a level that most movies can't. Bad Boys 2 doesn't attain that level, but it's still a good time.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

maybe the worst movie I have ever seen

[1/10 · 22 June 2003]

I had the misfortune to come across this move while channel-surfing, and it brought back horrible, horrible memories.

I recall seeing this movie in the theater when it first came out, and asking myself multiple times "how in the world did you agree to see this movie?". In truth, I had actually gone with a friend who was big into the whole Mortal Kombat series. And just for being a nice friend, I was treated to a movie of unspeakable wretchedness. I absolutely hated that flick -- perhaps the longest hour and a half of my life. And that's when I was a teenager, still possibly vulnerable to movies like this.

Well, if I hated it then, you can imagine how much I hated it this time around. It's about 90 minutes of non-stop hackneyed fighting, complete with wooden acting, awful special-effects (which is pretty pitiful, given that action is about the only thing a movie like this is expected to deliver) a plot that might fly in a second-rate video game, and laughable dialouge.

This movie is so bad, it makes Saturday morning cartoons look like Academy Award-winning material. And that's about the only level in which you could even begin to derive any enjoyment out of this nonsense: if you were an 8 year-old boy watching TV at 8am on a Saturday morning.

Full House (1987–1995)

good wholesome fun

[10 April 2003]

Well, was this show cheesy? Yes. Were it's jokes often lame? Yes. But was it also enjoyable? Yes.

Full House was what it was, I don't know if I can't put it any other way. It was a good family-oriented show, something that kids and their parents could watch together. Full House was the kind of show you could (and still can) watch and feel good about the world -- for a half hour, anyways.

As an adult, I still don't mind catching this show every now and then for the aforementioned reasons. As a kid, I was a big fan of the show for 2-3 years, and then I probably outgrew it. But ultimately, I would have to admit that it was one of my favorite sitcoms of my youth. I'm glad there was that kind of show on for me to watch when I was younger, and, call me a softie, but I wish there still was sitcoms like this being made today.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

good film, but a letdown

[7/10 · 21 December 2002]

The Two Towers is an enjoyable, and sometimes very good movie, but was a dissappointment to me in the wake of the sheer masterpiece that was The Fellowship Of The Ring.

Director Peter Jackson was able to fill the FOTR with a variety of well-developed characters, a sweeping cinematic landscape, a tense and intriguing storyline, and an overall depth that the book itself possessed. I am no expert on the books, but I do know that FOTR truly delivered the spirit of the book.

Now having said that, one could just take all the battles and action, and hordes of armies and violent characters that exist in the books, plunk them into a bunch of fighting sequences, and make great action movies. The FOTR went beyond that, and captured the true heart of the original book, which is why it was so good, and will go down as a cinematic classic, much in the same way the books will go down as litterary classics.

Being Peter Jackson more or less filmed the trilogy of Lord Of The Rings films back-to-back, I figured that the sheer brilliance put forth in FOTR would be present. That is not the case.

Instead, Jackson has delivered the aforementioned action movie. There's epic battle after epic battle, swordsman after swordsman, but little else. The centerpiece of the books and the first film -- the Hobbits -- are something of an afterthought in the TT, while swashbuckling swordsman Aragorn and bow and arrow marksmen Legolas take the spotlight. These are characters who are embody the standard action movie hero in every sense, but again, don't begin to scrape the depths of the book, which is so much more than what is on display here.

There's word that Jackson did a lot of re-shooting and editing to the TT in the last 12 months. Perhaps he felt the pressure to follow up to the mammoth success of FOTR, and decided to take the safe way out. But what he may have failed to realise is that what made FOTR so great and popular was it's depth beyond your standard action flick. In the wake of the downward spiral of the Star Wars films, which suffer from the same condition plauging the TT, movie fans were looking to latch on to a new fantasy epic, that could provide the great effects and all of that good stuff, but also deliver the goods in terms of story, charachter, and overall depth.

Complaints aside, this is still a fun movie. For starters, you know that you enjoyed a movie when it clocks in at 3 hours long, and you don't find yourself getting restless, whcih I did not. Additionally, The CGI is ultra-impressive, there are lots of incredible visuals (though not on par with the first film), and the action sequences are truly amazing. I just came out dissappointed because one year ago, I went into the theatre to see FOTR not knowing what to expect, and I was given a completley unexpected masterpiece. This time, I went into the TT expect to see another classic, and instead I was delivered a big-budget action flick. Fun movie? Yes. Great special effects? Yes. Another classic? No.

On a closing note, I think Roger Ebert's review of this movie hits the nail right on the head, and he is able to articulate many of the thoughts I have on this film very successfully.

A Muppet Family Christmas (1987 TV Movie)

a very enjoyable holiday special

[8/10 · 29 November 2002]

Having seen this for the first time as a child, and subsequently grown up watching it several more times, A Muppet Family Christmas has become my favorite Christmas TV special.

There is a lot of charm and joy to be found in this 40-odd minute show. Muppet fans will truly appreciate this, if for no other reason than the mass gathering of literally every single Muppet Show, Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock character, and a cameo appearance by the late Jim Henson himself, surveying his creations as they celebrate the season. Even for those who aren't Muppet fans but suffer from Christmas fever, this should prove enjoyable, with many heart-warming sequences and several Christmas songs performed.

A Muppet Family Christmas contains it's share of the usual Muppet moments of charm and wit, but it succeeds most by simply being a feel-good holiday special. It is the perfect show for the season.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

great for what it is

[19 October 2002]

I think that this movie is as good as any movie that derives itself from a cartoon and action figures could be. And I mean that in a good way. You only need to see the two sequels to this movie to see how bad things can be. In the midst of a pretty terrible genre, I consider Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to rank with Masters Of The Universe as the greatest "action figure" movies of all time.

I saw this when I was a kid caught up in TMNT fever and I loved it, but I can still watch it to this day and enjoy it.

Considering that they had to work around a cartoon, the makers of this movie did an excellent job. Yes, there are some absurdities and ridiculous moments in this movie. But the filmmakers did a lot of great things. For starters, while still managing to keep this a children's movie, they really managed to mature the story and make it more of something that adults could also enjoy. The darker setting is a great atmosphere for the movie, and those who designed many of the sets for this film deserve great credit. Now, yes, I do realize I probably sound insane by calling this a "mature" film, but anyone who has seen the cartoon knows what I am talking about.

Bottom line, when you consider what there was to work with, the filmmakers did an excellent job. And when you stack TMNT up against the Power Rangers movies of the world, it's pretty damn good.

A Time to Kill (1996)

What might have been

[10 July 2002]

Based on the John Grisham novel, A Time To Kill is the story of the legal battle a black man who kills two white men that brutally raped and attempted to murder his young daughter. It's a fascinating, if touchy, set-up, that could have led to a great story.

Unfortunately, Director Joel Schumacher clearly does not have enough faith in the intelligence and thought capacity of the audience to figure out and interpret their own beliefs of this potentially complex film. Rather than walk the fine, narrowly defined line of right and wrong and black and white in this film, he decides to beat us over the head with who the good guys and bad buys are, turning what could have been a fascinating look at race relations and the justice system in America into a drama/action flick of good vs. evil, one that we ultimately know who will win.

It's still a good movie. You grow to care for the characters, and it is an intense film, that is at times griping. I would, however, be interested to see what a different vision of this story could result in.

The Bernie Mac Show (2001–2023)

got to give it up for Mac Man

[11 May 2002]

Who would have thought Bernie Mac would be the man behind the most intelligent show to hit TV airwaves in a long time?

Not that I have any problem with Bernie Mac. I've always found him to be humorous and entertaining. He's just not exactly the guy who I would expect to end up on this kind of show.

But here he is, the star of the smartest, most original, most positive, and funniest TV comedy I have seen in years.

With it's non-use of a laugh track, it's commentary by Bernie Mac (who spends a good part of each show sitting on his favorite chair and addressing "America"), and it's little on-screen notes, this sitcom is about as anti-sitcom as it gets, but it's this orginality that helps make it special. The Bernie Mac Show bucks trends by avoiding crude humor and sex jokes, and the messages this show provide are ultimately positive. Another thing that impressed me about the Bernie Mac Show is that it is one of the first comedies I have seen in a while to feature a Black cast, but doesn't saddle it's characters and storylines with African-American stereotypes. The problems faced on this show are universal.

The cast is great too. Bernie Mac was born for this role, and the kids on the show also deserve credit, because they have roles to play and characters to portray. They are parts of the story, and not just extra bodies like the child cast members are on some other sitcoms. And they all do a good job with it.

But besides all of these great aspects the show has going for it, the Bernie Mac Show is outright hilarious, which makes it one of the best shows on TV today.

Muppet Race Mania (2000 Video Game)

one of the best video games I have ever played.

[10/10 · 11 May 2002]

I can't think of any video game I have ever played that I have enjoyed more, or got more usage out of than Muppet Race Mania. With it's many different levels, characters, settings, and various modes of game-play, it's hard to imagine it ever growing tiresome. The detail and depth of this game is are extremely impressive. The various courses are all intracetely modeled after actual Muppet movie settings, while the characters have their own personalized vehicles, and even the music comes from the Muppet films! Even better, once you are able to complete some of the levels, you are able to unlock bosses and secret levels that allow you to play with some of the more obscure Muppet characters (as well as eventually make a visit to Fraggle Rock).

Obviously not everyone is going to love this game. But for those who are Muppet fans, enjoy racing/go-kart games, or have a bit of kid inside you, you'll love it.

Jurassic Park III (2001)

time to put an end to the franchise

[9/10 · 5 May 2002]

The Jurassic Park series, which started off with an original, imaginative, fun romp of a movie, has bottomed out rather quickly with this third installment to the series.

The dinosaurs are impressive as always, but the day in age in which fantastic CGI could make a movie on it's own are gone. Such flicks are a dime a dozen now, and to stand out from the pack, movies have to rely on more classic aspects of film-making. Like the story, for example.

And there in lies the problem with Jurassic Park 3. Filled with plot holes, this movie simply re-hashes the first two films: humans are stupid enough to get trapped on island with dinosaurs, humans make the dinosaurs mad, humans get chased around by dinosaurs. It's pretty sad that, even though it took 4 years to make the follow-up to Jurrasic Park: The Lost World, they couldn't come up with an original idea. It's also a very telling fact that this movie is only 90 minutes long. Where almost all movies of this blockbuster, action-packed nature usually check in at 2+ hours, the people behind JP3 obviously could not come up with enough original thoughts to stretch this movie out. It's probably just as well, anyways.

The 5th Wheel (2001–2004)

the decay of society

[30 March 2002]

Finally a show that pays tribute to all the shallow, self-centered and outright moralless people who play the bars every weekend. It never ceases to amaze me how low the "contestants" can be, but they always seem to top themselves. And as if watching these miscreants take place in their parade of decadence isn't enough, we also get the privilege of the holier-than-thou host Aisha Tyler cracking jokes on everyone between segments. Can this be an entertaining show? Yes. Can this show also be used as a measuring stick of the decay of society? Yes.

Back to the Future Part II (1989)

a fun movie, even if it's impossible to figure out

[16 December 2001]

Back To The Future II starts off a little slow. An opening trip to the future is somewhat lame, and seems like a bombardment of advertising (all sorts of brand names make their appearances in 2015 form). It gets better as it goes on, though, and really hits it stride when Marty and the Doc return to 1955. The movie can be impossible to figure out at times. With the heroes in 3 different eras, villains traveling back in time, and alternate universes and paradoxes being created, it's near-impossible to keep up. The movie tries hard to keep us in tune, though, offering up explainations in some form or another for everything that happens. It just ends up giving your brain more exercise than your average mindless adventure/comedy flick. Either way, most people should enjoy it.

Best in Show (2000)

wacky film

[7/10 · 11 November 2001]

The first two thirds of this movie are at times funny, dumb, weird, quirky, stupid, zany, but never normal. Best In Show really takes off when we get to the actual dog show. Fred Willard's performance as the show's TV announcer is some of the more hillarious movie moments I have seen in a long time. Willard steals the "show", and gives the film a strong finish.

Spin City (1996–2002)

an amazingly resilient show

[18 September 2001]

I was a casual fan of this show for it's first few seasons, but I have become a regular viewer since Charlie Sheen joined the cast. He is playing his role to perfection, and getting the most mileage out of it. Everyone involved with the production of Spin City deserves a huge amount of credit, as the show has remained a success, in spite of the fact that it's two central characters (Sheen and Heather Locklear) weren't even on the show 2 seasons ago.

Cosby (1996–2000)

quality viewing

[12 July 2001]

This is a great show, really not of it's time. While most modern sitcoms base a large amount of their humor on sex, this comedy is the kind that you could allow your youngest children to watch, and is still hysterical. Bill Cosby has always been a comic genius, and he continues to be just that on Cosby. Doug E. Doug, an underrated performer, is also a great addition to this show, and looks like he is having the time of his life in every scene that he performs with Cosby. Cosby had a solid run, but after 4 seasons, ended too soon. In another time, this dying breed of comedy may have been more appreciated.

Saved by the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas (1994 TV Movie)

Really Bad

[7 November 2000]

As a big fan of the Saved By The Bell original series, and Saved By The Bell: The College Years, I found this a tremendous disapointment. The story is filled with little sub-plots that are dumb, boring, and go nowhere, other than to stretch out a half-hour series to a full-length movie. It's not funny, and not fun. The original series may have been dumb and cheesy, but you had a good time watching it -- this movie retains none of the original goofball value of the original series. Saved By The Bell: Wedding In Las Vegas is certainly a terrible note for this, a successful series of over half a decade, to go out on.

The Magical World of Disney: The Muppets at Walt Disney World (1990) Season 34, Episode 23

good fun

[17 July 2000]

What is actually a 60-minute commercial for Walt Disney World cleverly disguised as a Muppets adventure turns out to be an enjoyable show. Thanks to it's share of humorous moments and several good musical numbers, Muppets At Walt Disney World is a success that will be enjoyed by anyone who likes the Muppets.

Batman Forever (1995)

good cast keeps it afloat

[7/10 · 17 July 2000]

What starts off as a really promising film, "Batman Forever" ultimately degenerates into the campy sillyness that marred it's follower, "Batman & Robin". Still, the cast fits perfectly for this movie, and their performances keep it interesting. Val Kilmer is perfect as the stone-face, emotionless Bruce Wayne. Nicole Kidman pulls off the sexy superhero's girlfriend role perfectly. And the villains are great fun to watch: Tommy Lee Jones cackles manically throughout his role as Two-Face, (remincisent of Jack Nicholson as the Joker in "Batman") and looks like he's having the time of his life. Jim Carrey, meanwhile, steals the show as the nutcase Riddler, doing it as only he can.