JAW Reviews

The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)

Rip-Off: Carrie 2

[1/10 · 13 March 1999]

To my horror, not only does this movie rip-off the plot from the first "Carrie", this lackluster sequel steals from other teen movies as well. There's an abusive football coach that only wants to win (Varsity Blues), issues of sex and cruelty are dealt with (Cruel Intentions), and our heroine goes to a big party in a slinky red dress (She's All That). The acting stunk. Emily Bergl did a poor imitation of a faux-angst grunge chick. Zachery Ty Bryan didn't come across as a "bad boy" and Rachael Blanchard acting as if she were still in a "Clueless" episode. The gore was WAY overdone and implausible (How could CDs kill someone?). The plot had many holes (Would Rachael really hang around people who indirectly caused her friend's death?) Add gratuitous male nudity and you got a cinematic train wreck. This movie insults the name Carrie.

The Corruptor (1999)

Pretty lame

[1/10 · 13 March 1999]

Unlike The Replacement Killers, Chow-Yun Fat finally got a decent role, and a movie where they actually did more than shoot little guns all day, but it's still pretty boring. It's also somewhat racist, having that generic negative portrayal of Chinatown and all, if anybody cares. I'd just say skip this and go watch a real action flick like Rush Hour instead.

Simply Irresistible (1999)

Simply Awful!

[2/10 · 6 March 1999]

First of all, Sarah Michelle Gellar did a good job in this movie. But even SMG's acting skills cannot save the horrible script and extremely lame premise. I mean, a magical crab, for godsake! (Which, by the way, looked about as real as the snake in Anaconda.) This is just horrible. Sarah Michelle Gellar may be irresistible, but her movie isn't.

Species II (1998)

sex-phobic and stupid

[1/10 · 6 March 1999]

Was this sick, deranged movie trying to be the x-rated version of "Alien Resurrection"? It's utter crap! Not only does this movie fail in terms of plot, dialogue, acting and direction, but "Species II" is blatantly offensive. Patrick practically rapes the women he beds, resulting in they have gory, explosive pregnancies. Naked women are shown bloodsoaked. There's a nasty (and pretty ridiculous) scene where Eve is assaulted by a phallic-shaped tentacle. And to top it off, the black guy has lines like, "Brother can't get no booty"! Avoid this extraterrestrial porno at all cost!

Godzilla (I) (1998)

Worst of '98

[4/10 · 8 January 1999]

Let's hear it for Godzilla! It managed to grab several nominations from my personal worst movie of 1998 list, including Worst Film, Worst Actor (Matthew Brodrick), Worst Screenplay, Worst Remake or Sequel, and Most Disappointing Movie. Way to go, Godzilla!

The Avengers (1998)

One of 1998's worst

[8 January 1999]

Congratulations! On my personal worst film of '98, The Avengers has been nominated for Worst Actor (Ralph Fiennes), Worst Actress (Uma Thurman), Worst Supporting Actor (Sean Connery), Worst Direction, Worst Screen Couple (Ralph Fiennes & Uma Thurman), Worst Remake, and Most Disappointing Movie. Keep up the bad work!

An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn (1997)

Worst of '98

[8 January 1999]

Let's give a hand for this film. An Alan Smithee Film managed to get nominated in several categories of my personal worst movie of 1998 list. Nominations include: Worst Film, Worst Supporting Actor (Sylvester Stallone), Worst Directoion, and Worst Screenplay. Congratulations!

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

I don't care what you did last summer!

[1/10 · 29 November 1998]

This movie is just plain awful! The characters act like standard stupid horror movie kids, the killer is about as one-dimensional as Friday the 13th's Jason, and the scare factor is reduced to false alarms and predictable gore. The tropical setting was just an excuse to showcase Carribean stereotypes (a guy into voodoo and a dreadlocked druggie) and the two female leads in wet, clingy summer wear. This movie and Species II are in the running for worst sequel of the year

Waiting to Exhale (1995)

Good movie, Better book

[7/10 · 18 November 1998]

This wasn't a bad movie. The acting was great (although Whitney Houston still seems mediocre). Some of the scenes were powerful and funny. However, unlike the book which also deals with the sisterhood of Black women, the movie becomes a long "Men are pigs" tirade that gets weary after a while. Plus it's sometimes hard to root for the characters. For instance, considering all the one-night stands Savannah has, it's hard to see why she's questioning her ability to find a good man. Overall, Waiting to Exhale, is basically a sorely-needed bonding movie for African-American women that, while a little biased, is good escapist fun.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

Cheesy Fun

[4/10 · 8 November 1998]

Ok so this movie is brainless. SO what? It's still a cool movie. Especially when compared to other video-game-to-movie-translations. Just lower your standards a little (well, actually a lot) and you'll have fun with this movie.

Street Fighter (1994)

It should have remained in the arcades!

[1/10 · 7 November 1998]

Isn't it sad, when the plot of a video game is better than its movie version. The actors are totally miscast in their roles (especially Belgian Jean Claude Van Damm as Guile, the AMERICAN soldier; and Kylie Minogue as Cammy) And worse yet, all their signature Street Fighter moves has been removed, making this just another dull, ordinary action flick. Don't rent this movie. Save your money for the arcades

The Bodyguard (1992)

Great soundtrack

[4/10 · 30 October 1998]

First of all, let me say that the music in The Bodyguard is awesome. Whitney Houston definitely proves she can sing! Unfortunately, the same can't be said about her acting ability. She stinks, and so does Kevin Costner (as well as his two-dollar haircut). The plot and storyline are all pretty standard. If you have The Bodyguard CD, you don't have any reason to see the movie.

The First Wives Club (1996)

Fun Fluff

[6/10 · 27 October 1998]

The First Wives Club is a fun movie. Granted, the dialogue sounds a little cheesy and unrealistic, and the movie doesn't totally explore the deep emotional feelings these woman are feeling, but the idea of getting back at former husbands is a promising idea. If you think of this movie as just a silly revenge comedy, you'll have a lot of fun with it.

The Scarlet Letter (1995)

A Butchered Classic

[2/10 · 27 October 1998]

How could they totally miss the point of The Scarlet Letter? The book was about redemption and taking responsiblity for your actions. The creators of this movie have turned it into an appalling mixture of a Danielle Steel romance novel, and a Demi Moore peep show. A note to all directors. Don't put "freely adapted" on your movie!

Clueless (1995)

Ohmigosh! This movie is, like, way cool!

[8/10 · 27 October 1998]

This movie will stand out in history as the only movie Alicia Silverstone was good in. The dialogue is humorously trendy, the astute attention to popularity is clever, and the plot works! This movie is sooooo much better than the lame Tv series that followed it.

Howard the Duck (1986)

Yuck!

[1/10 · 27 October 1998]

This movie sucks! Plain and simple. The plot is thin and the idea of a midget in a duck suit is just not plausible. And that oh-so 80's music in this movie is just dreadful. Howard ranks up there with Alf for the most annoying alien. (Ironically, they were both released in 1986.)

Soul Food (1997)

Superb Movie!

[9/10 · 26 October 1998]

This movie is fantastic! The acting is first-rate (especially Vivica A. Fox and Brandon Hammond). The storyline is touching, funny, and poignant. This film wisely avoids being a "chick flick" and tells about a regular middle-class African-American family, something we don't see in movies that often.

Showgirls (1995)

Total Trash

[1/10 · 26 October 1998]

This film definitely belongs in the worst movie ever made category. Elizabeth Berkley not only can't act, but she can't dance either. This is the silliest, sleaziest, trashiest movie I've seen in a while.