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Reviews
Cry of the Winged Serpent (2007)
Good For What It Is
I just saw a screening of this at the Artcraft Theatre in Franklin, IN as part of the B-Movie Celebration going on this weekend. The director was there to introduce the film and talk about it afterwords. As it turns out, Jamie Wagner is actually another pseudonym for Jim Wynorski, who's having a retrospective of some of his films shown this weekend (August 17-19, 2007). I think it's a fun movie and that's all it sets out to be. The plot concerns an amulet that causes a giant bird to wreak revenge on drug dealers, held in the hands of a young Central American man whose family was massacred by a drug cartel. Maxwell Cauffield is a cop on the case who lost his wife during a drug ring shootout. The acting is pretty much game, the movie is slickly shot, the special effects of the bird are adequate and it has a clever ending. So, as it stands, it's enjoyable and something to watch on a rainy day when you have nothing else to do.
Ghosts of the Abyss (2003)
What happened to the necklace?
I wanted to see them rocks in 3D. Now don't tell me a seahorse ran off with the necklace. And what about Leonardo? They couldn't find him down there? What a gyp.
Spielbert, I don't think you're too smart, hmmm.
Also if they was going to be in 3D wouldn't the fancy dress folk forget about the life preservers?
St. Elmo's Fire (1985)
One of the worst films I've ever seen
I cannot believe some of the things said in this film's favor. I saw this film when it originally came out and was so repulsed by the film's repellent, self-absorbed characters that I walked out in the middle of it. Seeing the rest of it on cable a few months later showed that I didn't miss anything. Bluntly stated, this is one of the worst films I've ever seen. If this is truly about the need to find yourself after leaving home, then I can't think of a more sorry bunch of "role models." Also, John Parr's big song was horrible when played to death in 1985 and it has not improved with age. Narcisism rears its head in every frame. If this is your idea of a moving film, you must lead a really dull life, that's all I can say. This relic of the Reagan era should remain hermetically sealed.
The Pick-Up (1968)
An underground film noir
"The Pick-Up" (1968) is considered one of the last of the "roughies," a term for exploitation films that contained violence toward women. While there certainly is that in this picture, I think it plays more like a film noir from the underground. In this movie, the action is played out in seedy hotels, dusty highways, cramped apartment and the glitz of Vegas at night. The story concerns two couriers off to L.A. with a shipment of cash. Along the way, they pick up two seemingly stranded girls and take them to a motel room for sex. The girls steal the money and split. The men trail them to a hotel room and torture them. See, there's a cigar-chewing mob boss (Bob Cresse, who was a producer himself, I believe) who will whack them if they don't get the money back, and there's another mob hand (played in a showy performance by exploitation producer David Friedman) who's got his own agenda. And it all ends up in the most ironic wrap-ups you'll ever see. (SEE SPOILER.) The picture is slow in spots, particularly during the numerous sex scenes, but the realistically sleazy atmosphere keeps your attention throughout. And for the sadists, there's some nasty just desserts for the women involving whippings, water torture, and most graphic of all, nipple electrocution. But this is only a small part of the picture. The characters and the low-down dirty atmosphere take up the rest. By no means am I saying that this is a work of art, but it does have its qualities. (SPOILER ALERT: The two girls are mercilessly tortured, yet they end up marrying the two men and having kids! How's that for irony? But it is only part of the story, trust me.)
St. Elmo's Fire (1985)
One of the worst films I've ever seen
I cannot believe some of the things said in this film's favor. I saw this film when it originally came out and was so repulsed by the film's repellent, self-absorbed characters that I walked out in the middle of it. Seeing the rest of it on cable a few months later showed that I didn't miss anything. Bluntly stated, this is one of the worst films I've ever seen. If this is truly about the need to find yourself after leaving home, then I can't think of a more sorry bunch of "role models." Also, John Parr's big song was horrible when played to death in 1985 and it has not improved with age. Narcisism rears its head in every frame. If this is your idea of a moving film, you must lead a really dull life, that's all I can say. This relic of the Reagan era should remain hermetically sealed.
The Ghost Goes Gear (1966)
Just plain dull and not enough Spencer Davis Group
"The Ghost Goes Gear" is a dismal affair. You hear about it and see that The Spencer Davis Group are the stars of the movie and you think it ought to be at least interesting. Well, it would have been if The Spencer Davis Group had more numbers in the film. They only perform in the first half and they don't do any of their big hits. (Well, "When I Get Home," which they play on a boat in the opening scene, was a hit in England, but if you want to see them do "Somebody Help Me," "Gimme Some Lovin'" or "I'm A Man," forget it. Not here anyway).
Instead, the bulk of the film deals with the group's manager and his parents and their attempts, with the help of the group, to save their ancestral home. They make up something about a ghost and then have a concert with a bunch of lesser English groups and that's it for 79 minutes.
A couple of the groups are not bad (The St. Louis Union, The M6), but most of the rest are a really square lot: Acker Bilk (not doing "Stranger on the Shore," thank God), The Three Bells, Dave Barry, The Lorne Gibson Trio, not a memorable moment among them. I will say this: they are all beautifully photographed, but that's all.
So what else do you get? Clumsy, unfunny slapstick, crummy dialogue, the annoying Sheila White, a group of acts that may have meant something to British audiences, but come across as blah to most American ears.....and not enough of The Spencer Davis Group. You'd have to be a total 60s die-hard to find much to enjoy here.
Jimmy, the Boy Wonder (1966)
Just when you think you've seen the worst.......................
....along comes this piece of absolute crap! This was one of HG Lewis's children's films, made in between all his trash and gore epics, and the only reason to ever show it is if you have children you want to punish. Though you may get hauled in for child abuse later, as exposure to this film will do both your kids and you permanent brain damage.
Let's see: a friendly fairy godmother who looks like Kathy Bates with a bad hangover, a droopy-mustached, overacting villain, a kid who redefines noxious child acting, the fact that most of the action was noticably filmed in the same dreary park (it looks like someone's backyard), wretched songs, crummy photography that looks like faded Super 8.....all of that alone would qualify this as bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD!!!!!
But wait! In order to pan out the running time, a Mexican cartoon was spliced in. The cartoon itself actually looks professional enough, but the dubbing (done by Lewis himself) is light years away from the character's mouths. This incredibly inept dubbing job just drags the cartoon portion down to the already low level the rest of the film has earned.
If you think you can endure this film without losing any facet of your mind...more power to you.
MST3K, you listenin'? Let's see you get through THIS one!
Thursday (1998)
Sometimes Roger Ebert can be right, alas.
If Roger Ebert hadn't been so harsh about "Thursday," maybe I wouldn't have cared. However, when he wrote that the film "really crossed the line" into offensiveness, my curiosity was naturally aroused. Unfortunately, not only is this film racist, but it's downright boring as well. It's easy enough to be bothered by the deaths of all the blacks and the east Indian in the first hour, but the movie only does this for desperate shock value. Also obviously, this wants to be a "Pulp Fiction"-style flick, but at least Tarantino lets it grow out of the story, rather than just for cheap shock effect, as this movie does. Bottom line: This movie sucks.