CyMaddux Reviews

Her (2013)

snore fest

[3/10 · 18 May 2014]

This movie is very slow moving and has about as much action as a sloth in the afternoon. The principle of the movie is decent, but the execution is horrible and by the end of the film, if you hear Scarlet Johanssen's fake forced laugh anymore you want to hurl.

There are so many stretches in physics that would have to happen to make this movie plausible that to me, it is more of a comedy than anything else. The implication that an operating system could write and update it's own code is a farce enough, but to give it a full range of human emotions and understanding of those emotions, especially right out of the box is as believable as Kindergarteners coming up with a cure for cancer.

Phoenix does a decent job, but by the end of the movie, you kinda want him to go away or perish horribly. They would have been better off to cast Jim Carrey as Theodore.

3/10

The Ice Pirates (1984)

good space comedy

[6/10 · 15 May 2014]

Although I wouldn't say it is better than Spaceballs, it is in itself a pretty decent movie. This movie really stretches the PG rating, there are multiple uses of curse words, a rather long grope and make out scene in "the pleasure chamber" along with a decapitation and cutting off of a hand.

The movie flows pretty well without too many dull moments. Good enough acting by the cast to keep you from getting too bored. It's not going to win any awards for plot, but it's solid enough for entertaining you on a rainy night or with a group of friends if you wanna kick back a few and have some laughs.

Space Milkshake (2012)

campy flick

[5/10 · 15 May 2014]

a bit of a slapstick comedy set in space revolving around a space debris clearing station and its zany crew. Billy Boyd does an admirable job as Captain Anton, who is a cross between Shaun from Shaun of the Dead and Captain Mel from Firefly. Kruek is hot in her little space suit and ads some sex appeal.

I didn't find Tapping to be that great, but she wasn't horrible, about the same for Dunne, who seemed to overact in parts. George Takei added some comedy relief as the voice of Gary, No stellar plot line here, just some slapstick space fun, decent enough for a quasi sci fi comedy.

5/10

13 Sins (2014)

better than expected

[7/10 · 14 May 2014]

This movie ended up being better than I thought it would be. There are similarities to the movie "The Box", but it does have a few original elements. The lead portrays Elliot in a very realistic manner and you feel yourself rooting for him in the end after all the crap he went through.

There are some surprises as well towards the final few tasks when Elliot's morality begins to show itself as good. There aren't any great performances (the handicapped brother is decent) but everyone else is pretty vanilla.

Overall though I enjoyed it, especially the final 30 minutes or so. It's worth a watch for noting else than to see how you would stack up if given the same tasks; will morality shine through, or will you go for the greed of the green?

The Human Race (2013)

Not a terrible movie

[6/10 · 14 May 2014]

This is a good little flick to sit down and watch after dinner. It moves along fairly well after the first 15 minutes of unneeded background filler. There are a few great scenes between characters that you wouldn't normally think of as being "Alphas" the one-legged guy dispatching a group of 3 dudes on his own is a bit far-fetched, but they had it coming. Also, the scene between the two deaf characters in the "strobe light" room is pretty amazing. You have characters going from generally good morally to evil and corrupt very quickly.

Decent acting by the girl that plays the deaf girl and the guy with one leg has to be the most capable guy on crutches ever, he can climb up the side of a mountain, as well as throw one crutch, trip someone up and still catch up to them for battle lol.

Nothing great, but a decent movie, that is entertaining.

The ABCs of Death (2012)

Artistic Bloody and Conceptual

[6/10 · 11 May 2014]

Well, this movie is somewhat unique as you get 26 shorts all in one feature length film. It is interesting to see how different directors take their letter and film a short in under 10 minutes. Some of these are flops and extremely dumb, but more so they are very well done. D, L, X, Y and Z are my favorites. If nothing else, it is worth watching for the artistic element. Not overly bloody, not really scary at all, and not too sexually deviant.

Easy film to watch because if you need to you can also pause it, or pick right back up where you left off- I started dinner and stopped on P, then started right back up on Q with nothing missed.

a solid 6/10

Gravity (2013)

Cinematics alone don't make for a stellar movie

[4/10 · 15 November 2013]

I recently watched this with my fiancé, due to its high rating we thought we would give it a shot, and I must say this movie, although it does have some cinematic beauty, has an awful storyline, sub-par acting at best, an it is a very boring movie.

Clooney and Bullock are pretty vanilla in these roles, just about anyone could have pulled them off. I don't find either one of them turned in a performance that is anywhere near their best work.

The story drags on and has very little action, other than spacewalking around and a lot of yelping by Bullock. I can't believe this movie is rated as high as it is, certainly it gains some marks for some beautiful shots, but the story is awful, and please tell me how the Chinese Space station didn't take any damage from the debris the first time around, yet the other space station was blown to bits.

3/10 for beauty, mediocre acting, very poor stagnant story.

August Underground's Mordum (2003 Video)

Slop Fest

[2/10 · 5 August 2013]

Well, about what you would expect I guess. There isn't much of a storyline here at all. You are going to get your sick crap and plenty of it.

Not really much outside of torture, bondage rape kinda stuff. There isn't any plot and there is a lot of yelling throughout the whole movie. Lots of rape, violent torture stuff, just tries to be sick, but it's pretty fake to me. I guess for a low budget the effects probably aren't that bad.

I guess some people might like this kind of stuff, but I am not one. I have it a 2 just due to the lead actress, she can act for sure.

Feast (2005)

Exceeds Expectations

[7/10 · 3 August 2013]

I didn't have huge expectations of this movie going into watching it and it did not disappoint. There are elements from the Movies, "From Dusk Til Dawn, "Critters", and even "Shaun of the Dead". I thought the movie did an excellent job introducing the characters and given just enough up front for you to have an idea of who they were.

There isn't a ton of character development, but just enough for their personalities to emerge. This movie did a good job keeping the action flowing and there isn't a whole lot of downtime during the whole movie.

There is a good amount of violence, some tongue and cheek humor and just enough comedy to keep it fun.

7/10

Downfall (2004)

solid

[8/10 · 18 October 2010]

this is a pretty solid film revolving around Hitler's last days. The is some pretty decent character development of some of the generals surrounding Hitler (no Rommel though :( ) and gives a good sense of the urgency that Hitler may have felt when Berlin was falling. Great performance by Granz as Hitler and the guy that played Goebbels also did a solid job. A pretty long movie, but if you are into WW2 history, it is very solid and worth watching, lots of scenes of gripping tension between Hitler and his Generals and it is nice to see someone interviewed that was actually there at the time (hitler's secretary, which the film opens up with). Good flick 8/10

Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

Definitely not your typical Peter Pan of a movie...

[7/10 · 31 January 2007]

I saw this movie last week with my girlfriend. We are in the mid 20s age bracket and both enjoy thrillers, although I would classify this as more of a film-noire

After that preface, let me say that I went into this movie with high expectations, having seen the hefty 8.5 score that it was given on this site. Well, the score was perhaps ballooned by the few scenes that are quite dramatic and vivid with the emotions that are going on and the violence. I didn't have any major qualms with the movie, although I surely would have liked to see the background developed more on the whole idea of just what the "underworld" is comprised of and what the heck the thing in the buffet room was all about.

The gripes I DO have with the movie include Mercedes towards the end running into the woods after stabbing the captain SEVERAL times with the knife. She runs for maybe 15 seconds, the guards see her, jump on horses and follow her into the woods, yet she seemingly makes it hundreds of yards into the woods- far enough to be saved by the group of rebels that just happen to spring out when she's about to get captured after being surrounded by the guards.

Secondly, the captain himself. After taking a severe stabbing, he is able to meander about the complex, stitch himself up and is seemingly in good health until poisoned by Ofelia.

Lastly, I HATED the ending, far too predictable, if you didn't see that coming you should remember the whole "blood of the innocent" line that the faun tells Ofelia.

Definitely not a bad movie, but it could have been so much better if the backgrounds were developed, and the last 2 tasks were a bit more encompassing. The whole ordeal with the "baby-eater monster" in the buffet hall was cool cinematically, but very poor telling the viewing just what the heck the monster's deal is.

7/10, a solid movie, worth seeing, but somewhat overrated. No super-strong acting performances, all the leads were solid, but no one was knock em dead outstanding.

An American Haunting (2005)

Ghost in Empty Theatres will rejoice

[1/10 · 4 January 2007]

Because there are bound to be many of them for any theatre that is showing this movie. The Premise of the movie is absurd, in fact to the point of being non-practical. Tell me how it is possible to have the father (Sutherland) commit all these acts of defilement, yet he has the power to throw things across the room, make other hallucinate, be invisible in front of others (his wife and teacher) and to top it off injure himself. There is no conceivable way that the father could have done all the evil deeds in this movie. Seemed to me like they had an interesting idea and just gave up on bringing it together. This is THE WORST horror movie I have EVER seen, and I have seen plenty. Makes Fear.com look like a Golden Globe Candidate.

1/10 >>> Avoid at all costs or you too will be haunted by the ghost of "can I get those 2 hours of my life back?"

Borat (2006)

Over-Hyped, Over-rated and done before

[2/10 · 11 November 2006]

I think the reason people are rating this film so high is that they think it is actually real. Well, it is not. This movie takes many of the ideas from Jackass, The Tom Green Show, Trigger-Happy TV, and every other reality-based shockumentary and tries to put it into legit movie form.

Newsflash, this is not real. It is a movie. It was scripted, played out with actors. The plot is fake, the reactions you see people have to Borat are scripted and fake. The whole premise of this movie seems to be to rip on Jews to me. The only reason I gave it a 2, is due to some of the humor is funny, such as in the hotel room, however none of the principles in this movie are real, other than the nudity. This movie is not funnier than Jackass (and thats sad in itself) and contains nothing new that hasn't done before.

Final Destination 3 (2006)

Nail in the Coffin for the Series....

[3/10 · 15 February 2006]

First off how can 35% say this is a "10" there is no original concept here at all and surely the acting is not worthy to push it that high. What we have here is the third installment of a decent concept thriller movie that literally falls flat on its face- and meets its death.

The actors (outside of the female lead) are dry, stale and frankly, much too old to play teenagers. The deaths themselves are downright miracles which would fail to happen even in anyones worst nightmare. What kept FD1 and FD2 on target with the audience is that most of the deaths, "tragedies" if you will possibly could happen, from plane crashes to highway accidents, etc.. Well FD3 has NONE of that.

Firstly, a roller-coaster is not going to lose every wheel and fly off in segments before some kind of security system is in effect. We can clearly see on the roller-coaster control board that there are a plethora of buttons and controls- surely one of which shuts the ride down, stops the power, etc. Anyway, after this we have two stupid 20 somethings playing cheerleader type prissies that get "locked" in their tanning beds and fry by one single wooden board. They do everything under the sun but DO NOT try to remove this board which is stuck between the two beds and could clearly be seen from the inside of the tanning beds by BOTH girls. Keep going, there are more including absurdity in a wharehouse where a NAIL GUN penetrates the skull (BUllspit) to weights coming off a bench press and squashing a guys head. This movie was thrown together without little regard for what made FD1 and FD2 fathomable: A chilling visage of reality gone wrong.. Well this movie has no threads of reality, and thanks to FD3, no threads of continuing the FD line.

3/10 primarily for lead female acting (worth a point) and background scenery

Dark Water (2005)

WasteWater

[4/10 · 3 February 2006]

Nothing new here, another aimless attempt at a thriller with Connelly for star power and a paper-thin storyline. Many of the elements are mimiced from movies such as the Grudge, The others, and cold creek manor. I'm surprised that Connelly took this role after winning an Academy Award- this just isn't the type of movie that builds a career, rather its one that tears it apart. Connelly really doesn't shine, or even impress as her role as a single mother who daintily scampers around an apartment building having encounters with ghosts. The little girl does a decent job, but cannot carry the movie alone, especially with such a weak script. The secondary characters are VERY weak and add nothing to the story. I'm giving a 4/10 and thats pretty generous, I did enjoy some of the backdrops of the scenery, and the little girl did an adequate job for what she was given. 4/10

Far from Home (1989)

Fair enough

[5/10 · 9 January 2006]

Fair thriller about a father/daughter tandem that gets stranded in a trailer park due to the lack of gasoline. Berrymore does an average job, the best acting probably on behalf of Pinky Sears. If nothing else, the story is just good enough to keep you tuned in and it sure doesn't hurt when you have two of the hottest females in Berrymore, and more so in Tilly, who I cant believe is 31 in this movie! she looks so fine. I wish Jennifer Tilly would have done some films before she got so old, but she still looks pretty fine in this movie. I have to give it a 5 because its just that- average.. and I laugh at the 54 people that gave this a "10" no way in hell.

Wolf Creek (2005)

Absolutely Terrible

[2/10 · 4 January 2006]

This movie built up a lot of hype with its trailers of Texas-Chainsaw like effects and aura, only to massively disappoint with weak characters, poor effects, and a downright awful story.

The writer must have written up characters that have had recent lobotomies because some of the actions and decisions that the characters take part in are more idiotic than George Bush's.

Oh let's see.. How about seeing your friend tortured, shot and beaten all in front of your eyes and you get a chance to kill the attacker and be out of there scott-free only to knock the attacker down with a bullet shot (that grazes his kneck).. OK she could have taken his knife and killed him right there, instead she gives him one weak shot to the back with the gun, WTF? Of course he revives himself 10 minutes later and hunts them down, and proceeds to maim and kill the very girl who could have done him in (like any sane person)

The best part of this movie was the crater, thats how frickin sad it is, this movie takes a bunch of horror movies and rips off parts of them in hopes of providing something "new" and "scary" HorseSpit!! Get some damn originality and come up with something that wasn't done before in Texas Chainsaw, Wrong Turn, or the Hills Have Eyes.. This is easily the worst movie of 2005, its pretty obvious that hundreds of Aussies gave this movie a 10 because no one else in their right mind would gives this a "10" Blimey Mate, how bout some Ack-u-rat scoring Crikey! 2/10 solely for the crater and some passable acting by "Bazza"

The Ringer (2005)

Ring around the collar

[3/10 · 24 December 2005]

This was a terrible movie. Firstly, the plot is inane and a stretch. Knoxville agrees to throw the special olympics in order to raise money to pay for an operation to sew a friends fingers back on after a lawn mowing accident. Severed fingers lasting 2 weeks on ice? I don't think so.

The acting in this movie is downright awful. The only decent performance comes from Jed, who played Glen, who did a decent job. The rest of the acting was so bad that they were outdone by the unexperience "challanged/special" performers. Knoxville's character is not nearly as funny as you would think and the script is anything that a 13 yr old could draw up with his friends (albeit not as funny most likely). I really expected more from the production companies that did happy gilmore, but this was downright awful, and the last 30 minutes really want to make one puke, not to mention the plethora of plot holes. I give this a 3, mainly for the acting of the special guys and Jed.

The Rundown (2003)

The Letdown

[4/10 · 11 November 2005]

Unrealistic, poor acting, terrible story-line what more is there to ask for? Well you get the rock and stifler fall down a 200 ft mountain face and not break a bone.. You also get to see the Rock do his best Rambo impersonation and get shot at a million times and not get hit. There is little in this movie that is worth spending the time on. If you are a hardcore fan of the rock or stifler then you might actually like the stupid dialog that between them for most of half the movie. So, take heed this is a comedy at its best, not much adventure and surely not anything worth any awards to mention of. The CD does have some good bonus features and is quite comedic by itself at some times.

Million Dollar Baby (2004)

One dollar ending

[6/10 · 9 November 2005]

This movie is great, if not spectacular in the first half, only to be very slow and predictable in the second-half. I think where this movie makes it points (and thus the high rating) is from the acting performances by Eastwood and Swank who are solid. Swank does an excellent job in her portrayal of a boxer in her early 30s, who Eastwood takes on as a student. I have to mention what I didn't like about the movie, enough people told you about the good points by now.

First off, there is no development of the characters Danger and Swaraylle (whatever the heck his name is, the black dude that freeman knocks out) they don't really serve a purpose other than comedic relief. The whole fight with Billie the Bear at the end is reeeediculous. OK, obviously they know she's a dirty fighter, they would have studied her at length before the fight.. So why the heck does Maggie turn her back on her, and even worse, WHERE IS THE REF?? At the very least, Billie The Bear would have been disqualified and fined, if not suspended by the WBF boxing commission. And the ending is too similar to what happened when Frankie was "sub" manager for Scrap. They needed to come up with something else, its too darn predictable. The last hour of the movie is just unduely depressing.. They needed to take a different turn on the ending. Anyway, its right there with Butterfly Effect- great first half, lousy ending 5/10

Ichi the Killer (2001)

Ichi the Overrated

[4/10 · 17 October 2005]

Lots of hype about this movie led me to watch it and boy was I disappointed.. Takahara is a great character no doubt but he really lacks any serious depth. The main problem for me with this movie is that it never really goes into the background of Ichi himself and how he came to live with the "teacher", muchless how he obtained all his great fighting skills and that ridiculous suit of armor with the 1 on the back. One other thing, for Miike this movie doesn't have much imagination. Ichi kills 2 women exactly the same way. The only reason to really watch this film is that Takahara is a pretty sick dude. I wish they would have went into has background with the "boss" more as well and explain where he got his facial scar from..

Bijitâ Q (2001)

You want weird, you got it

[7/10 · 27 September 2005]

This is easily the weirdest movie I have ever seen. Weird, but somehow catchy and agreeably at times comedic and disgusting at the same time. The movie centers around a dysfunctional family (to say the least) and a strange "visitor" that becomes integral to the plot of the story. There is some interesting shock value in this movie no doubt. A true horror fan probably wont like it much, but if you can think outside the box and enjoy it for what it is, you should give Visitor Q a shot. Be prepared to laugh, chuckle, and possibly hurl and if you are easily grossed out you should skid this one. * minor spoiler to follow* Be sure to watch for the Greenhouse scene!! So Hilarious, especially what he gets on his hands. LOL!!!

The Devil's Rejects (2005)

Not as good as it could have been

[6/10 · 23 July 2005]

This movie is adequate, but it could have been much better. I have a few gripes about the movie, but first I want to give my opinion on some of the better points.

William Forsythe was awesome as the sheriff. I don't think anyone else could have done better in portraying the inner struggle with vengeance and he was just gruff enough to put froth that image of a hard ass Texas sheriff.

Sid Haig of course was decent, although not as good as in HOTC. It seemed like he didn't have as many lines and not near as many sarcastic scathing tongue-lashings like he did in HOTC either. You do get an interesting scene when he wakes up from a dream next to his... um... girlfriend lol.

spoilers to follow:

OK now what I didn't like. The stupidity in this movie is amazing. First off, you have sheriffs surrounding the house, getting into position and then the Sheriff simply pulls out the megaphone and announces their presence (expecting them to come out with hands up) and of course this leads to a firefight. Pretty lame indeed, not to mention the shoddy "Knights of the Round Table" armor that some of the family had on, which was pretty ridiculous; reminded me of the beast thing that chases around Marc Singer in the beastmaster.

Anyway, after that, Baby and Otis escape, get a car only to STOP at a hotel to rest!! Otis is listening to the radio, hears their names all over the radio and decides to stop at the local hotel to rest.. umm OK but I would think you would try to get as FAR AS POSSIBLE from that town. But of course Rob Zombie had to have them come upon an old roadshow band and slaughter them (which also didn't have much creativity).

Then you have the Sheriff (after he ties up and beats the hell out of Spaulding and Otis with a tazer/cattle prod type deal and stapler lol) light the house on fire after he douses it with gas, goes outside for at least 10 minutes, yet Otis and Spaulding get SAVED by Tiny who is at best a ripoff of freddy krueger on steroids.

I was about to seriously take off a couple points for the ending, as the movie roars into Freebird by Skynard and you are lead to believe that the torrent trio got away scott-free only to meander on a road block with the rest of the sheriff's department. Luckily, for realism's sake they ARE NOT able to drive right through guys with 20 shotguns this time (Should have packed Galahad's armor)

The music didn't do it for me either. It seemed to slow down the movie. Rob should have stuck more to his roots and used Metal to keep the pace Quick and Hard instead of twangy, slow and "drugged"

5.7/10 (mostly in part to Forsythe's great acting)

Violence Meter ::::::: 7

Nudity ::::: 5

Language ::::::::: 9

NOT FOR KIDS!!!!

Land of the Dead (2005)

Romero gets Wes Craven Disease

[4/10 · 26 June 2005]

Keeping it short and to the point. The movie pretty much sucked. The characters were awful (Leguizamo was fair), the effects were pretty lousy, and the storyline reeked of hot garbage. The only way I give this any points at all was that it was fairly gory. Other than that, this movie is pretty ridiculous, and wasn't funny or scary.

Maybe Romero was running low on cash, but this movie really sucks, this is nothing that some scrub director/writer couldn't have done on his own. The remake of Dawn was even better than this. Or maybe Romero just hasn't been keeping up with the times like Wes Craven, and thinks that he'll just make a movie based on his career and his name and we won't notice.. well George, I think most of us did

4/10 .. 3 for the gore, 1 for leguizamo

Witchboard (1986)

Ooo Ooo Witchy Woman

[5/10 · 16 April 2005]

Centered around Ouija Board usage, "Witchboard" is a solid quasi-horror 80s flick. There are a handful of cheap effect scares but this movie lives more on that "what if" feeling. An OK rental for a boring rainy night. IF you plan to experiment with a Ouija of your own, make sure you do your homework first!!! Kitaen does a decent job as the female lead Linda. Given, not award winning material but believable enough. There isn't a lot of gore, not a lot of suspense, but its an interesting topic nonetheless. This movie probably could do reasonably well in a modern remake because the subject hasn't been touched on in quite a while. I would go see it for sure, interesting if not controversial subject.

5/10