Ubiq Reviews

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Just there.

[1/10 · 26 August 2001]

Some would have you believe that the best episode of the venerable MST3K series was the Manos: The Hands of Fate episode, I am quite afraid it was not. They have absolutely nothing to work with and it shows, even Hobgoblins and Future War had unintentionally humorous moments that Mike and the Bots could capitalize off of. Joel, Tom, and Crow were not so lucky here, for Manos did not even manage that, it is bad in the same way a failed comedy is. The only laughs come from stunned disbelief at how truly hideous this films is and even those will fade as the movie wears on and on and on and on.

As mentioned, the problem is that there is nothing to see in this film, nothing to laugh at or to spark the interest. Plan 9 From Outer Space was a bad film, but at least it had the benefit of being laughably inept. Most bad horror films share this, as, if nothing else, you can always laugh at the poorly realized monster and cheesy plot. Manos, on the other hand, is just there.

Is it the worst film of all time? Probably not, there's bound to be something out there that is even worse; a few completed films were never even released because of how bad they were.

Does it have the worst direction, acting, and production values ever? Doubtful, I am quite certain there is a student film out there somewhere that exceeds Manos in all of these categories. Besides, the crew actually managed to turn the camera on.

Is it the most loathsome film ever because of the ending? Not at all, there are many German films out there after all and they are quite bad all the way through.

No, Manos even refuses to excel at being the worst. Anybody who loves movies should see it though, just to see how not to make a movie, even a bad one.

Digimon: Digital Monsters (1999–2007)

Not the Pokemon ripoff people think...

[29 April 2000]

The game of course is one of the many digital pets that were released several years ago (a genre that includes Pokemon itself, though Nintendo put an actual plot into the mix), as I understand it the monsters were released several years before Pokemon and for the most part do not resemble Pokemon in looks, abilities, or attitudes. More importantly the storylines are completely different and Digimon has a huge advantage. Even the presentation was different at first, episodes ended abruptly without so much as a TO BE CONTINUED which lent an sense of urgency to the show and no guarantees what will happen next. Later episodes, in an apparent attempt to be more kid friendly, added an annoying pop song to the mix and a closing narration which only serves to make it resemble Pokemon despite the attempts of the animators to to avoid this. Fortunately the soundtrack seems to have moved away from those accursed songs but the narration remains. Overall this is a very good series and should not be disregarded simply because people assume every anime about monsters is a ripoff of Pokemon.

Riding with Death (1976 TV Movie)

"Inspired by HG Wells", who is now spinning in his grave.

[1/10 · 4 May 1999]

Two episodes of atrocious 70s TV show stapled together to make a film. Secret agent has ability to become invisible due to exposure radiation or something. Has a "Southern" character only slightly less annoying than The Dukes of Hazzard. If you see a copy of it somewhere in a used bin, buy it then burn the video.