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Dogma (1999)
2/10
Hopeless
27 December 1999
Kevin Smith has finally lost the plot. The director of the fantastic ‘Clerks', the woeful ‘Mallrats' and the wonderful ‘Chasing Amy' proves in ‘Dogma' that he is not nearly as talented as his debut feature would suggest. Two fallen angels, Loki and Bartleby, are trying get back into heaven via a cathedral in Red Bank, New Jersey. But this is only if Bethany, with the aid of Jay and Silent Bob, cannot stop them first.

The best thing that can be said about ‘Dogma' is that it looks like everyone had a great time making it. However, it is rarely fun to watch. After the initially amusing first twenty minutes, the lofty subject matter soon takes over, yet Smith fails to change the film's tone accordingly. Jay's constant sexual banter and the knowing film references soon become tiresome, whilst the actors are either bored or confused by the events that surround them. Smith, who is not a visual director, seems uneasy shooting anything other then long monologues, and as a result the new special effects and ‘scope framing that he has to play with go to waste. The larger budget looks as though it has been spent on casting rather then good ideas and the up-shot of this is that an encounter with a ‘s**t monster' and the ‘wacky' boardroom massacre become two examples of many dismal attempts at comedy. The fight at the end, for example, is crying for some action, yet Smith breaks all the tension by resorting to yet more crude, irritating dialogue. The insinuation the Jesus was black and that God is a woman hardly seem original concepts these days yet Smith treats them as though they are ground breaking. The questioning of religious faith seems to be what this film is all about, but you're more likely to question why spent money watching the film in the first place. Hopeless.
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The Postman (1997)
1/10
The worst film ever made
2 May 1999
I cannot believe what I am reading. This has to easily be the worst film I have ever seen and everybody seems to be in love with it. It's three hours of non-stop tedium, the acting is dreadful (Costner is the worst), the script is so lame and predictable it beggers belief. Costner is also so in love with himself in this film that he might as well have written a 3 hour love letter to himself. I cannot think of even one redeeming feature about this film. In fact I can't even be bothered to discuss it any further. It is awful, that's all you need to know about it.
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