Change Your Image
Willie-31
Reviews
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
The worst movie I've ever seen. Period.
Up until now my all-time worst favorite film was "Hobgoblins," but today I realize that "even worse" is possible. Aside from not making much of any sense, the Star Wars Holiday Special included some of the worst special effects, the worst acting, the silliest cast, and the downright worst screenplay of anything I've seen. To give you some idea, in the first half or so of the film all dialogue is in the Wookie language (like Chewbacca from Star Wars). Additionally, Bea Arthur does a musical number with the Cantina Band in Mos Eisley, and Art Carney performs his comedy act for an Imperial Guardsman. It's ridiculous. I laughed the whole time. If you like bad movies, see this one. I only hope MST3K picks it up for an episode.
Zaat (1971)
One of the worst...
This movie was one of the worst I have ever seen. It was filmed in many of the same central Florida locations as "Creature of the Black Lagoon," but it was much worse. If the acting was bad (it was), the story was horrible. I don't want to give anything away, because you might want to see MST3K's version of it (which was hilarious), but I will say that there was absolutely no suspense whatsoever. Even the film quality was bad. Don't waste your time on this one unless you're into awful movies from the 1970s.
House IV (1992)
Made for TV? It could have been....
I really enjoyed the first House movie, and the second one was pretty good as well. This one had at least one character from the first, but overall, it didn't have anything to do with the House I story. It also wasn't scary at all, just weird. All of a sudden, the house's ghost is a friendly one, and the vilest character in the film is that "landlord" guy who is trying to buy the house from Roger Cobb's family (who, incidentally, takes part in some superfluously disgusting scenes). The acting and directing of this movie made it seem like something made for TV. I would not have seen it in the theater. If you liked the other House films, see this one. Otherwise, you might want to spend your money on something else.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988)
The best show on TV.
This is the best show I have ever seen despite the fact that its premise is stupidly simple. It's pretty much just a man and 2 robots making fun of the worst movies ever made. The creativity involved is amazing, though, and every week I (and thousands of other fans of the show) fall out of my chair laughing while watching it. It is the funniest (and maybe the weirdest) thing I've ever seen on TV. If you've never seen this, you're missing out on truly great television. Check your local listings and watch it.
Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985)
A cult classic! And suprizingly entertaining!
I know what you're thinking. It's Pee Wee Herman, some tacky weirdo comedian trying to make a film. Trust me, though, this movie is hilarious! I've watched it since I was young, and only now that I'm older do many of the jokes make sense, and they're great. The scene in the biker bar, the Alamo, the Warner Brothers movie lot. The stereotypes portrayed in this movie are some of the funniest I've yet seen. If you like slap-stick comedy, this movie is for you. Keep your eyes peeled: there are cameos everywhere!
Sphere (1998)
Lackluster portrayal of an excellent book.
Sphere was an excellent book, probably one of Crichton's best.I The movie, I am pleased to say, stuck pretty religiously to the story in the book. Unfortunately, part of what made the book great was the interaction between the minds of the characters and the action. The movie does not convey that same sense of intensity of the inner workings of each character. Perhaps that could have been improved by better acting, but the acting was on the whole not bad. I thought Dustin Hoffman was great, but miscast. The same could be said of Sharon Stone. Jackson was probably the best character, and he fit the role as well. On the whole, though, the film portrayal of a primarily psychological book seemed too slow and confusing (at least as far as why things were happening). Maybe the story should have departed from the book more than it did.
Future War (1997)
The worst movie of the '90s. (At least, so far.)
Cheaply made, badly acted, horribly written, this film is gut-wrenching. First off, look at the picture on the video tape jacket. That guy on the cover has a body double. You'll notice that in the movie his body is NOTHING LIKE THAT. That'll just give you an idea of the type of film this is. The monsters look like old figures from the original Godzilla movies. I can't compare it with anything, I can only advise seeing it on Mystery Science Theater 3000 because they make it extremely funny. Otherwise, I'd pass on this one.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
One of the greatest comedies I've ever seen.
Anyone who's seen a rock documentary can appreciate the genius of this film. It really hits lots of issues about life in a (stupid) rock band right on the head. Filmed in the style of a legitimate "rock-umentary," This is Spinal Tap is hilarious. Even the acting is good (for its genre). The characters are at least believable as the ill-fated Spinal Tap on their American Tour. Check this one out.
Where Eagles Dare (1968)
Excellent action film!
This movie is what action movies should be! It's suspenseful, and the action is not too unrealistic (though the plot is rather unrealistic). You will be not be able to stop this movie half way through. Sit down with a drink and some popcorn, and enjoy Clint Eastwood and WWII action at its very best!
The Matrix (1999)
Not as good as I expected.
The previews and commercials for this film had me expecting something great. I was instead suprised to see something that reminded me more of "Johnny Mnemonic," not in terms of plot, but in terms of the pace (sort of slow), and the "Keanu Reeves action hero of the future" motif. Overall, I thought that the plot was rather simple, and despite that, Laurence Fishburne's character rehashed it for the audience numerous times. I thought the special effects were great, but special effects alone don't make a movie great. The action was nice, but there could have been more of it.
Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Outstanding.
This is, without a doubt, one of the best films I've ever seen.
Every now and then you see a film that affects you, and this is one of those. I have thought about it lots, and it has changed my view of war. This is a must see. Check it out.